This post is by Kayla Albert of ConfessionsofaPerfectionist.

When it comes to relationships, each of us carries our fair share of misconceptions. One of the most prevalent misconceptions is that the bond we share with out partner is most easily cemented by spending more time together.

This may be true on some levels. After all, studies have shown that sharing unique experiences with someone else makes us feel a deeper and stronger connection to them. But, given that we are separate and unique individuals, I would suggest that spending time apart is just as important.

Once we’ve been with someone for a significant amount of time, it becomes easy to meld into them, to make their happiness our goal, to take on their hobbies, and rely on them when it comes to making decisions. We seek comfort and once we’ve found it, we become fearful of losing it.

Unfortunately, this can easily lead to resentment and a loss of self down the road. So how can this situation be remedied or avoided altogether? By staying committed to our own personal growth and spending time with ourselves.

Here are some tips to help you do just that.

Have separate hobbies

Having hobbies you participate in as a couple is a great way to relate to your partner on another level, but that doesn’t mean you should abandon your individual hobbies all together. In fact, participating in activities on your own, without your partner, gives you something to talk about when you do come back together.

In addition, these outside interests can boost your self-esteem by leaps and bounds, which can change the way you show up in your relationship.

Spend time with your friends

If you’re lucky enough to have a few great friendships, then most likely the connections you have with these individuals is extremely different than what you have with your significant other—and all are extremely important for your peace of mind.

Abandoning your friends once you start a relationship can make you feel isolated and alone—even if your relationship is spectacular.

Learn to love being alone

A significant portion of the population loathes being alone. Unfortunately, being uncomfortable with being alone can lead you to make relationship decisions based on the fear of being left. If you can learn to appreciate the time you spend with just yourself, you are essentially bringing a more whole version of yourself to your relationship.

Learn to do things alone that you would have never imagined doing before. Go eat in an upscale restaurant. Go walk around a museum. After working through being uncomfortable, you’ll feel liberated—I promise.

Take time to reflect

When you’re constantly on the go, you likely aren’t taking the time you need to check in with yourself. Reflect over your life, and notice what’s working and what isn’t. Create a list of what you’d like to see in your life and come up with goals to make it happen.

If you’re taking time out to tend to your own personal happiness, you might inspire your partner to do the same, resulting in a better relationship for both of you.

What tips can you add to the list? I’d love to hear them!

Kayla Albert is a freelance writer, blogger, and firm believer in living life deliberately. You can find her at: http://confessionsofaperfectionist.wordpress.com

Most people, by the time they’re grown, have experienced at least one heart-break in their romantic life. You know: the gut-wrenching kind that leaves you scarred for life.

After being hurt so badly, it can be hard to think of moving on. Sometimes you may think you’ll never get over your lost love.

Image by Kiomi

While it may take time, once you think you’re ready then go ahead and get yourself back out there. Here are some handy tips to help:

1. Be brave

Just because you’ve been hurt before, doesn’t mean you should stop seeking relationships. You will need to let your guard down eventually. Love does hurt sometimes, but other times it’s amazing.

A great relationship will blend the both beautifully into one long journey—although, in a great relationship, the ups will far outweigh the downs.

2. Work out what you want

I believe you should learn something from every relationship and sit down and work out what you want from your next one. What will the relationship look like? What sort of qualities will your new romantic interest have?

Something amazing happens when we write goals down. The universe manifests to help us along and get our needs met. Just be careful that you don’t make your tick-boxes too specific. It’s not: “He must have blue eyes, blonde hair and be an architect.” Think more like: “Kind, family values, laughs a lot.”

Once you’ve written it down, put it away and forget about it. Chances are, you’ll find your list years later and realize it is a very accurate description of your new love!

3. Be your own person

When you do start dating again, don’t be one of those people who forgets about all their friends and gives everything up for their partner.

Keep your own hobbies, and try not to see them seven days a week. As exciting as falling in love may be, you don’t need to be attached at the hip.

If you are, you’re setting up patterns for failure later in your relationship—no one can maintain that level of contact with someone. And your friends won’t be happy, either, if you ditch them every time someone new comes along.

4. Have fun!

Take the opportunity to try new date ideas, push your comfort circles a little and explore new things. If you’re having a lot of fun on your dates, there will be barely any time to get nervous about it!

What tips can you add from your experiences moving on after heartbreak?

This post is by Jennifer Brown Banks of Penandprosper.

Back in the ’70’s Helen Reddy sang “I am woman, hear me roar.” A testament to the awesomeness of women and a mantra to today’s movers and shakers. I am one of them.

Gifted by the divine powers to be fiercely female, and a soul-sistah to boot. Statistics bear out as well, that a disproportionate number of African-American women are the heads of households, and that we even out-earn our men. “We can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan!” Impressive perhaps, but at times empty.

No doubt about it, during my dating droughts, I learned to light my own furnace, mow my own yard, hail my own taxis, conquer my own demons, and enjoy my own company. And there was a great sense of pride in my independence and achievements.

But being in love, being part of a “successful” twosome, now that’s a real accomplishment.

Why?

Because it takes a lot of work. Because it requires a good deal of selflessness. Because it calls for maturity and compromise and commitment. Day in, day out. Because there’s no greater “sales pitch” than to convince someone to go the distance with us despite our dysfunctions, debt, and bad habits.

Don’t get me wrong. This is not to suggest that we seek soul mates merely to be validated, or to be whole, or to conquer loneliness, or out of pressure. Quite to the contrary; often when we are alone (as a result of a break-up, enjoying some “me time”, or pursuing a career or college), this “down-time” allows us to be singularly focused, renewed, and to assess our real needs and true identity.

But I wouldn’t want it as a permanent way of life. And you shouldn’t either.

Don’t believe the hype: freedom ain‘t all it’s cracked up to be. And a frozen dinner for one, after a long, grueling day ain’t all that appetizing!

Few things compare to good loving, folks. It never gets old. Billy Dee reminded leading lady Diana Ross of this with his infamous line in Mahogany, “Success means nothing without someone to share it with.”

Still not convinced? Consider the following:

1. During these difficult times with an uncertain economy, unspeakable violence, threats of terrorism, unemployment, and other doom and gloom, love feeds the soul, warms the heart, and provides a sense of support, safe harbor, and nurturing. It’s the feel-good stuff that makes for box office hits and steamy best-seller books.
2. Relationships can help save money. Think about expenses shared (rent, mortgage, two-fers, laundry, gas). And how about less money spent on whining, dining and wooing? (After all, savvy women recognize that the good, mushy, impressive gestures and gifts of suitors oftentimes end once we’ve been “captured“.)
3. Research suggests that long-term relationships and marriage confer certain health benefits—like less stress, a lower rate of depression, lower blood pressure rate, and a lower rate of diabetes.
4. Because love and healthy relationships increase self confidence and can make you feel invincible! There’s no greater high.

I could go on and on, but I think Barbara Streisand perhaps said it best: “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.” And who doesn’t like to “get lucky?”

Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, Pro blogger, relationship columnist, and incurable romantic. Her work has appeared extensively online at sites such as Daily Blog Tips, Technorati, WorkAwesome, Search Engine Journal and Divorce2Dating.com. She blogs at http://Penandprosper.blogspot.com/.