This post is by Glad Doggett of bestlaidscheme.com

How many times have you messed up or made a mistake and immediately lashed out?

“You big dummy! How did you screw that up? Can’t you do anything right?”

Or, how often have you looked in the mirror in disgust and sneered?

“Time to start a new diet, fatso! You look horrible! You shouldn’t leave the house. What a disgrace!”

Well, according to research by Dr. Kristin Neff, an associate professor of human development at the University of Texas at Austin, and author of Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, self-talk that is harsh and self-critical can lead feelings of depression, anxiety, and worthlessness. Studies show that using shame, guilt and anxiety as motivators is ineffective and potentially harmful to our feelings of self-worth.

A recent story in the New York Times by Tara Parker-Pope revealed that showing ourselves a little compassion, and extending to ourselves the same kindness and forgiveness we give to our friends and family, may be the first step to living lives filled with happiness, success and well-being.

The science shows that when we show ourselves compassion and talk to ourselves they way we’d talk to a down-and-out friend, we activate the areas in our brains that control feelings of being nurtured, encouraged, and cared for.

If kinder self-talk is the key to more successful, happier life, why do so many of us resist it?

Dr. Neff’s research found that people mistakenly believe self-compassion will lead to “self-indulgence and lower standards.” Many people, it seems, believe that harsh self-criticism keeps them “in line.” Most of us have been influenced through social conditioning to believe that self-compassion can lead to slothful, lazy behaviors. In other words, if we give ourselves a break, we let ourselves off the hook.

But, Neff’s research points to opposite findings. She contends that many people “fall into a cycle of self-criticism and negativity … that leaves them feeling even less motivated to change.”

The research shows that self-compassion helps us maintain—not abandon—our standards. It helps us succeed in our pursuits, reach our goals, as well as increase feelings of well-being.

So, how can we build a practice of extending self-acceptance and compassion to ourselves?

The secret is awareness of our inner critic, and taking small steps to challenge the criticisms it unleashes.

Start noticing times when you berate yourself. Begin to notice how your body feels and the thoughts that run through your head. Instead of going on auto-pilot with harsh self-talk, pause and pay attention. Start being mindful of what’s happening to you in the moment.

Make a daily practice of reminding yourself what’s right about you. What qualities do you like most about yourself? Which of your traits make you unique? List the gifts you share with others that make the world a better place. Fostering self-love is a habit we must build every day. Like brushing your teeth, you can’t do it just once and be done with it.

Change your self-talk. Instead of calling yourself worthless, offer yourself the same encouragement and support that you would offer a loved one. Write several affirmations that you can pull out when you feel the pull to criticize.

Try phrases such as, “I’m doing my best and I’m ok with that.”

Or, “I am enough just the way I am right now.”

Building a self-compassion habit may feel awkward at first. You will be pushing against an old, stubborn mind-set that has been your default setting for a very long time.

But, in the end, being kind and loving and appreciative toward yourself will lead you to a more fulfilling, happy life. And isn’t that truly what we all want?

Glad Doggett is a coach who spends most of her time on the blog Best Laid Scheme. She recently launched an eworkshop called re: Turn to You that encourages building a practice of self-love and compassion through exploring, excavating, and expressing what it means to be you.

This guest posy is by Sarah Wagner Yost of www.sarahwagneryost.com.

Have you ever tried to have an adult conversation with someone but couldn’t concentrate because your eyelid was twitching?

It might be a neurological malfunction. It might, as the superstition says, mean that money will cross your hands soon.

More likely, it’s because your jaw is tight. Do you clench your teeth or grind them at night? If your neck and shoulders get tight when you’re stressed, your jaw is probably also involved. You might also feel a weird itch inside your ear or have a runny nose with no cause.

You can make it stop

Image licensed under Creative Commons

If muscles are to blame, self massage will take care of it. If it doesn’t, check with your doctor to rule out anything more serious.

A trigger point is like a hot little spitfire of a muscle which wreaks random havoc. It often refers pain and seemingly unrelated symptoms to other parts of the body. That’s why trigger points in your mouth can cause your eyelid twitch.

When working on your own trigger points, press as hard as you can stand but not harder. More is not more. You’ll know you’re on a trigger point because it will hurt but in a good way. It will feel satisfying, like you’re scratching an itch.

Get relief in five minutes

1. You’ll be sticking your fingers in your mouth so go wash your hands.
2. Go on, wash them. This will just take a few minutes.
3. Stick your pointer finger inside your cheek and find the hard muscle near the back. This is the masseter muscle. It goes up and down and is the first hard muscle you’ll feel in the cheek.
4. Move your finger to the top of the muscle, next to the upper gums and press firmly. You’re looking for the spots that zing. Press each spot for about 30 seconds using all of the pressure you can stand, which may be very little for the first few days. That’s just fine. Pressing hard will not make it better faster. It will likely make it worse. Inch your way around the entire muscle, stopping on any tender spots.
5. The next area you’ll work is the gum line above your upper back teeth. Poke around the gumline and massage the zingy areas.

You don’t have to marry this

Four days is plenty for this technique. Do this for five minutes, three times a day for four days or until you stop finding zingers.

Just working those two spots on both sides should bring pretty quick relief of symptoms. You’ll be surprised at how sensitive you are the first couple of times. The sensitivity will get better fast. You’ll get relief from the twitch, jaw pain and itchy ear pretty quickly.

Do you ever suffer eyelid twitch? Have you tried anything to make it stop?

Sarah is a mind-body coach who helps stressed out moms rock it without guilt. If you’ve ever felt bad for saying no, Sarah’s your girl. Working with her is better than Valium. Grab her RSS feed here and follow her on Twitter.

This post is by Brandon Yanofsky of brandonyanofsky.com.

Mae West said, “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”

I completely disagree with Ms. West. Too much of a good thing is not wonderful. In fact, it can be harmful.

Think about it: eat too many apples, you’ll gain weight from the sugar. Sleep 14 hours a day, and you start becoming sedentary. Spend too much time lifting weight, and your body won’t be able to build muscle.

As the cliche goes, moderation is the key, but Epictetus puts it best:

“If one oversteps the bounds of moderation, the greatest pleasures cease to please.”

When it’s too much

A few years ago, I was an exercise beast. I loved exercising. I would train two hours in the morning, and one and a half hours at night. And I did this six days a week.

Image used with permission

But then it began taking its toll. Other aspects of my life were suffering: I didn’t have much of a social life, I didn’t have time to work on my business, and I was tired most of the day.

Then, one day, I just stopped working out all together. I went from three and a half hours a day to zero. I hated exercising. I had done so much of it, I didn’t want to do it anymore. Looking back, I know if I had just exercised in moderation, I would have been happier and would have kept exercising.

So, when I decided it was time for me to diet, I didn’t tell myself, “Eat only healthy food all the time.”

Instead, I took Tim Ferris’s advice from the The 4-Hour Body and gave myself one cheat day a week. On that day, I eat whatever I want. I’ll get a pizza, hamburger, jelly beans, coke, a giant burrito. I go all out and intentionally overeat. That way, I’m recharged for the next week of dieting.

Moderating my diet actually makes it enjoyable.

What about you?

So, what in your life could use moderation?

Do you work to much? Do you eat too much? Do you spend too much time in front of the computer? On your phone? In front of the TV? Do you spend more money than you should?

If you feel even the slightest instinct that you might do too much of something, your body is trying to tell you something. It’s time for moderation.

Looking for tips on dealing with stress? Check out Brandon Yanofsky’s blog on stress relief.

This post is by Marly McMillen of NamelyMarly.

One day I took some vegan chocolate chip cookies to the office to share with my co-workers. When people saw the cookies they were thrilled and ready to dive in. Hands were eagerly stretched toward the cookies, mouths salivating, looks of eager anticipation on everyone’s faces. The mood instantly changed when I announced the cookies were vegan. In fact, the word “buzz kill” comes to mind. Those enthusiastic hands were quickly withdrawn. My co-workers now looked at the tray of cookies with doubt; like they might be radioactive or poisonous. It’s as if they thought I had laced those cookies with tree bark.

Image is author's own

“Oh well,” I thought, “More delicious cookies for me.”

As a vegan, it’s true that I don’t eat meat, eggs, or dairy. And do you know what? I find being a vegan so liberating!
That’s right. According to a lot of people, my diet is highly restrictive. In fact, when I tell people about my diet they look at me with a befuddled stare and ask, “You don’t eat any meat, or cheese, or ice cream?” And that question is usually followed up with, “What do you eat?”

How could such a “restrictive” diet be freeing? Here are the reasons I think the vegan lifestyle is the best.

Veganism is a freedom diet

When I walk down the grocery store aisle, I’m free from the burden of worrying about so many of choices before me. As Michael Pollan points out, most of the good stuff is in the exterior of the grocery store, not the middle aisles. I’m not a big fan of shopping so this means I get to spend my time in the grocery store happily perusing the outer aisles buying fruits and veggies, whole grains, and the like.

Veganism is a best body diet

I love being vegan because I know it’s what’s best for my body. Yes, vegans do need to supplement their diet with a B-12 vitamin. Some people will use this as a reason to discredit the vegan diet. They suggest that if the diet is so “natural” why do people who follow it need a supplement?

John Robbins explains this very eloquently in his book The Food Revolution, “Animal products have vitamin B-12 because animals ingest plants and/or drink water that are carrying the microorganisms that produce the vitamin. Vitamin B-12 is constantly being produced throughout the environment by bacteria … Our food today is so sanitized that even if there were some B-12 in the dirt in which our veggies grew, we wouldn’t get it.”

Veganism is a green diet

I know the choices for my diet are also helping the environment. Jane Goodall points out in her book, Harvest for Hope, “almost half of the world’s harvest is fed to animals to fatten them for human food.”

She explains the devastation this has caused to the environment including the destruction of the Brazilian rain forest. She also points out the irresponsible use of water and summarizes her thoughts by saying, “I believe that the single most important thing we can do, if we care about the future of the planet, is either to become vegetarians or to eat as little meat as possible.”

Veganism is a zen diet

A vegan diet is a more spiritual approach to living. Kathy Freston in her book Quantum Wellness encourages her readers to understand what goes into the production of their food. She explains how today’s factory farm techniques eschew the values of stewardship of the land and accountability to the greater community.

Her book suggests that we can achieve improved health by learning to eat with moral integrity. Ms. Freston explains, “It is prudent that we think about every aspect of how food arrives on our plate – how it’s grown, how the workers who handle it are treated, how it is packaged, and how it is prepared.”

On my blog, I showcase some of the delicious vegan foods we eat, including everything from vegan mac and cheese to vegan sesame tofu. I recently ran a series of posts veganizing some popular and mostly meat-based sandwiches. This series is a great example of how a vegan diet can include mouthwatering, finger-licking good food.

The trick to any sustainable diet is about finding balance between healthy, tasty, and really tasty. We enjoy a wide variety of food, including raw fruits and veggies, but also incorporating treats like those chocolate chip cookies that my co-workers snubbed. To prove that vegan cookies include perfectly normal, safe, and enjoyable ingredients, I’m sharing with you the very recipe I used when taking treats into the office.

As the title of this post implies, being a vegan can be such a sweet life! I’ve found my own personal sweet spot of balance in my diet; a truly enjoyable way of eating that also makes me feel really good … and I like feeling really good. Care to join me?

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 cup dairy-free margarine (2 sticks), softened
¾ cup light brown sugar
¾ cup regular sugar
1 Tablespoon vanilla
2 egg substitute (I used 2 tablespoons of ground flax seed mixed with 6 tablespoons of water*, or you can use ½ cup of applesauce, or egg replacer which is sold in most health food stores)
2 ¼ cups flour, sifted
1 ½ teaspoons baking soda
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
12 oz. chocolate chips

1. Bakers, start your engines. That means, get your oven ready by heating it up to 375° F.
2. In a large bowl, beat margarine and sugars with mixer until fluffy. If you don’t want to use a mixer, that’s fine. You can use a little bit of elbow grease (and burn a few cookie calories) by giving it a good stir with a whisk. Add vanilla and egg replacer of your choice and stir well.
3. In a medium bowl, whisk together dry ingredients.
4. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients.
5. Mix combined ingredients on low speed until well combined.
6. Stir in chocolate chips.
7. Drop by heaping teaspoon full onto an ungreased cookie sheet.

Have you tried the vegan diet? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Marly McMillen has a passion for life, family, vegan food, and names. She writes about all of these and more on her site at NamelyMarly. Marly’s podcast, NamelyMarly, can be found on iTunes, where she interviews people about their names. The people she interviews include famous authors, models, and even the people she meets at the park. Marly is also passionate about healthy food and shares vegan recipes as well.