How to Be More Confident

This post is by Steve of

Confidence opens doors. Fact.

It gives you the ability to make great decisions based on what matters to you, and that opens up your life in ways that ring true and chime with the way you hoped your life would be.

Confidence is the world’s best kept secret—the quality that allows you to get out there and put a big ol’ dent in the universe.

But, more so even than your car keys, phone or sense of humor, it’s the easiest thing in the world to misplace or forget. And while misplacing your car keys can be an inconvenience, misplacing your self-confidence can put your whole life into reverse—and end up hurting like hell. So here are five simple steps to start being more confident today.

1. Open your arms

Go through life with your fists clenched and arms crossed tightly in front of you, and you’ll miss out on a lot of stuff. That tightness puts limits on what you do and how you think, and if those limits persist you’ll end up living smaller and smaller as time goes by.

So you gotta be open. Open to risk, open to possibility and open to opportunity. It’s by allowing those things into your life that you get to stretch yourself, and the more you stretch yourself, the more confident you become in allowing those things into your life and stretching yourself.

Don’t let risk, possibility, and opportunity into your life and your confidence will shrink and atrophy, making it harder and harder to take that next chance. But let those three things in and you’ll become a confidence powerhouse.

2. Know where you’re hiding

It’s all well and good for me to tell you to be open to risk, possibility, and opportunity, but if it was that easy you’d be doing it all the time, right? So the flip side of that is to know where you’re hiding from those things—how you’re stepping back and what you tell yourself when you hold yourself back.

“I’m not good enough.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m not ready enough.” Those are all stories we tell ourselves to make it okay to not go ahead with something. While that’s just swell if it’s done for the right reasons, if it’s done for the wrong reasons (e.g. because you’re afraid of screwing up, or afraid of getting it right) then you’re kidding yourself.

This is about being radically honest with yourself. A scary notion, but a critical one. Keep kidding yourself that you don’t need, can’t get, aren’t good enough or can’t deal with going after what matters to you and you’ll wind up old, lost and full of regrets.

Know what stories you tell yourself and don’t hide.

3. Do something

With all that said and done, it’s crunch time. You actually have to stand up and do something.

Just one thing. It doesn’t matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s a big leap or a tiny step. Just do one thing about what matters to you, or one thing about where you’re hiding from what matters to you.

You can have all the good intentions in the world, but without repeated, meaningful action it’s all for nothing. Watch for when you’re wrapping yourself up in second-guessing and look for when you’re employing delaying tactics to keep you away from doing something.

Then take a breath, tell yourself that you’ll be just fine, and do it.

4. Laugh

People take life too seriously, don’t you think? I always notice a change in myself if I go a day or two without laughing—I get too wrapped up in the detail and drama of things, and my world ends up spiraling inwards.

Sure, sometimes life hurts, but things are only a big deal or a drama if you decide they are. Get too wrapped up in the drama and all you’ll see is more drama and all the tiny, pesky details. Some people even keep those things close because they provide a layer of comfort (of being right, of being familiar, and of being safe), but with your arms open you don’t need to cling on to those things for comfort.

So laugh. Remember what really matters to you and look at your life with a sense of curiosity, lightness and fun.
That’s how you get to be at your best, and that’s how you’ll free yourself up to be naturally confident.

5. Rinse and repeat

Keep doing steps 1 to 4. Simple as that.

Steve is a superstar confidence coach who makes you want to build a life you love. He also makes a fantastic ragu, and while he can’t promise you a batch, he’ll promise to help you find your natural confidence so that you can put your dent in the universe. Grab his RSS feed here and follow Steve on Twitter.

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  1. I wonder how many opportunities that I missed because of being too closed. I have learned to be more open and allow all things to come to me.

    Confidence is crucial and without it we will have a hard time growing.

  2. Great tips.

    I definitely need to work on laughing more. It definitely is one of the best medicines.

    • You bet it is – I always notice when I haven’t laughed for a couple of days, it makes a real impact. I guess the laughter quota is different for everyone so you have to find what works for you and what keeps you feeling light.

      But there’s always something to laugh along with.

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