Moderation Elation

May 5, 2011 by

This post is by Brandon Yanofsky of brandonyanofsky.com.

Mae West said, “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”

I completely disagree with Ms. West. Too much of a good thing is not wonderful. In fact, it can be harmful.

Think about it: eat too many apples, you’ll gain weight from the sugar. Sleep 14 hours a day, and you start becoming sedentary. Spend too much time lifting weight, and your body won’t be able to build muscle.

As the cliche goes, moderation is the key, but Epictetus puts it best:

“If one oversteps the bounds of moderation, the greatest pleasures cease to please.”

When it’s too much

A few years ago, I was an exercise beast. I loved exercising. I would train two hours in the morning, and one and a half hours at night. And I did this six days a week.

balance and moderation

Image used with permission

I was in amazing health. I lost nearly 40 pounds, ran a ten kilometer race keeping a 6:32 minute mile throughout, and was planning on doing triathlons. Exercising was my life.

But then it began taking its toll. Other aspects of my life were suffering: I didn’t have much of a social life, I didn’t have time to work on my business, and I was tired most of the day.

Then, one day, I just stopped working out all together. I went from three and a half hours a day to zero. I hated exercising. I had done so much of it, I didn’t want to do it anymore. Looking back, I know if I had just exercised in moderation, I would have been happier and would have kept exercising.

So, when I decided it was time for me to diet, I didn’t tell myself, “Eat only healthy food all the time.”

Instead, I took Tim Ferris’s advice from the The 4-Hour Body and gave myself one cheat day a week. On that day, I eat whatever I want. I’ll get a pizza, hamburger, jelly beans, coke, a giant burrito. I go all out and intentionally overeat. That way, I’m recharged for the next week of dieting.

Moderating my diet actually makes it enjoyable.

What about you?

So, what in your life could use moderation?

Do you work to much? Do you eat too much? Do you spend too much time in front of the computer? On your phone? In front of the TV? Do you spend more money than you should?

If you feel even the slightest instinct that you might do too much of something, your body is trying to tell you something. It’s time for moderation.

Looking for tips on dealing with stress? Check out Brandon Yanofsky’s blog on stress relief.

Do Less, Accomplish More

May 4, 2011 by

This post was written by Nihara of Doing Too Much.

Does it seem like the more you race around trying to get things done, the less you actually accomplish? Do you feel like you’re constantly tending to little things without making much progress on your bigger, more important goals? Do you often leave behind a trail of half-done tasks as you make your way through each day?

Getting things done—especially meaningful things—is tremendously satisfying. The sense of accomplishment, closure, and a job well-done brings a terrific psychic boost. And if your to-do list stretches for miles, checking something off your list makes you feel a tiny bit lighter and freer.

The converse is also true. When your days are a blur of tasks that are begun but not finished, you can start to feel like you’re drowning in an ocean of things you have to do. You can’t relax or reach your potential when you are completely underwater at work or at home.

There is a solution to the problem of feeling overwhelmed all of the time: do less, and you will accomplish more without even trying. Sometimes, the best time management strategy is also the simplest.

Give your mind less to think about, and you’ll get more done. You’ll make fewer mistakes, you’ll come up with better ideas, and you’ll be able to actually relax during your down time—so you can recharge your batteries and be more productive tomorrow.

If you’re wondering how you could possibly do less or go at a slower pace, here are some ideas to get you thinking.

1. Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow

Not everything needs to be done right now. When you have too much on your plate, it is perfectly okay to postpone the not-so-important tasks to tomorrow (or next week or next month).

2. Lower your standards

Perfection is for magazines and mannequins. Real people don’t have to do everything perfectly all of the time. Doing a so-so job on tasks that are not important is a powerful time management strategy, because you’ll have far more time and energy left over to devote to the projects and goals that matter most to you.

3. Get someone else to do it for you

You are only one person! Even if you never sleep, you simply can’t be everywhere or do everything yourself.

Think of ways to unload some of the tasks on your plate to someone else. If you are drowning at work, can you hand off some of your lowest priority projects to someone junior to you? If you are overwhelmed at home, can you get your spouse or your children to pitch in? Can you create more time in your life by leaning on your network of family and friends, or hiring some help to handle the chores you like the least?

Remember: the less time you spend on tasks someone else could be doing for you, the more time you will have available to focus on things that you (and only you) can do.

For more insights and ideas on how to do less (but accomplish more), read the simplicity posts on Zen Habits—a blog dedicated to finding simplicity in the daily chaos of our lives.

How can you do less—and accomplish more—today?

Nihara is (slowly) figuring out how to make the most of her time and her life—and you can too. Read Nihara’s thoughts on how to live a better, saner life at Doing Too Much.

Living the Vegan La Vida Dulce

May 3, 2011 by

This post is by Marly McMillen of NamelyMarly.

One day I took some vegan chocolate chip cookies to the office to share with my co-workers. When people saw the cookies they were thrilled and ready to dive in. Hands were eagerly stretched toward the cookies, mouths salivating, looks of eager anticipation on everyone’s faces. The mood instantly changed when I announced the cookies were vegan. In fact, the word “buzz kill” comes to mind. Those enthusiastic hands were quickly withdrawn. My co-workers now looked at the tray of cookies with doubt; like they might be radioactive or poisonous. It’s as if they thought I had laced those cookies with tree bark.

vegan cookies

Image is author's own

“Oh well,” I thought, “More delicious cookies for me.”

As a vegan, it’s true that I don’t eat meat, eggs, or dairy. And do you know what? I find being a vegan so liberating!
That’s right. According to a lot of people, my diet is highly restrictive. In fact, when I tell people about my diet they look at me with a befuddled stare and ask, “You don’t eat any meat, or cheese, or ice cream?” And that question is usually followed up with, “What do you eat?”

How could such a “restrictive” diet be freeing? Here are the reasons I think the vegan lifestyle is the best.

Veganism is a freedom diet

When I walk down the grocery store aisle, I’m free from the burden of worrying about so many of choices before me. As Michael Pollan points out, most of the good stuff is in the exterior of the grocery store, not the middle aisles. I’m not a big fan of shopping so this means I get to spend my time in the grocery store happily perusing the outer aisles buying fruits and veggies, whole grains, and the like.

Veganism is a best body diet

I love being vegan because I know it’s what’s best for my body. Yes, vegans do need to supplement their diet with a B-12 vitamin. Some people will use this as a reason to discredit the vegan diet. They suggest that if the diet is so “natural” why do people who follow it need a supplement?

John Robbins explains this very eloquently in his book The Food Revolution, “Animal products have vitamin B-12 because animals ingest plants and/or drink water that are carrying the microorganisms that produce the vitamin. Vitamin B-12 is constantly being produced throughout the environment by bacteria … Our food today is so sanitized that even if there were some B-12 in the dirt in which our veggies grew, we wouldn’t get it.”

Veganism is a green diet

I know the choices for my diet are also helping the environment. Jane Goodall points out in her book, Harvest for Hope, “almost half of the world’s harvest is fed to animals to fatten them for human food.”

She explains the devastation this has caused to the environment including the destruction of the Brazilian rain forest. She also points out the irresponsible use of water and summarizes her thoughts by saying, “I believe that the single most important thing we can do, if we care about the future of the planet, is either to become vegetarians or to eat as little meat as possible.”

Veganism is a zen diet

A vegan diet is a more spiritual approach to living. Kathy Freston in her book Quantum Wellness encourages her readers to understand what goes into the production of their food. She explains how today’s factory farm techniques eschew the values of stewardship of the land and accountability to the greater community.

Her book suggests that we can achieve improved health by learning to eat with moral integrity. Ms. Freston explains, “It is prudent that we think about every aspect of how food arrives on our plate – how it’s grown, how the workers who handle it are treated, how it is packaged, and how it is prepared.”

On my blog, I showcase some of the delicious vegan foods we eat, including everything from vegan mac and cheese to vegan sesame tofu. I recently ran a series of posts veganizing some popular and mostly meat-based sandwiches. This series is a great example of how a vegan diet can include mouthwatering, finger-licking good food.

The trick to any sustainable diet is about finding balance between healthy, tasty, and really tasty. We enjoy a wide variety of food, including raw fruits and veggies, but also incorporating treats like those chocolate chip cookies that my co-workers snubbed. To prove that vegan cookies include perfectly normal, safe, and enjoyable ingredients, I’m sharing with you the very recipe I used when taking treats into the office.

As the title of this post implies, being a vegan can be such a sweet life! I’ve found my own personal sweet spot of balance in my diet; a truly enjoyable way of eating that also makes me feel really good … and I like feeling really good. Care to join me?

Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookies

1 cup dairy-free margarine (2 sticks), softened
¾ cup light brown sugar
¾ cup regular sugar
1 Tablespoon vanilla
2 egg substitute (I used 2 tablespoons of ground flax seed mixed with 6 tablespoons of water*, or you can use ½ cup of applesauce, or egg replacer which is sold in most health food stores)
2 ¼ cups flour, sifted
1 ½ teaspoons baking soda
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
12 oz. chocolate chips

  1. Bakers, start your engines. That means, get your oven ready by heating it up to 375° F.
  2. In a large bowl, beat margarine and sugars with mixer until fluffy. If you don’t want to use a mixer, that’s fine. You can use a little bit of elbow grease (and burn a few cookie calories) by giving it a good stir with a whisk. Add vanilla and egg replacer of your choice and stir well.
  3. In a medium bowl, whisk together dry ingredients.
  4. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients.
  5. Mix combined ingredients on low speed until well combined.
  6. Stir in chocolate chips.
  7. Drop by heaping teaspoon full onto an ungreased cookie sheet.

Have you tried the vegan diet? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Marly McMillen has a passion for life, family, vegan food, and names. She writes about all of these and more on her site at NamelyMarly. Marly’s podcast, NamelyMarly, can be found on iTunes, where she interviews people about their names. The people she interviews include famous authors, models, and even the people she meets at the park. Marly is also passionate about healthy food and shares vegan recipes as well.

How to Be More Confident

May 1, 2011 by

This post is by Steve of TheConfidenceGuyOnline.com.

Confidence opens doors. Fact.

It gives you the ability to make great decisions based on what matters to you, and that opens up your life in ways that ring true and chime with the way you hoped your life would be.

Confidence is the world’s best kept secret—the quality that allows you to get out there and put a big ol’ dent in the universe.

But, more so even than your car keys, phone or sense of humor, it’s the easiest thing in the world to misplace or forget. And while misplacing your car keys can be an inconvenience, misplacing your self-confidence can put your whole life into reverse—and end up hurting like hell. So here are five simple steps to start being more confident today.

1. Open your arms

Go through life with your fists clenched and arms crossed tightly in front of you, and you’ll miss out on a lot of stuff. That tightness puts limits on what you do and how you think, and if those limits persist you’ll end up living smaller and smaller as time goes by.

So you gotta be open. Open to risk, open to possibility and open to opportunity. It’s by allowing those things into your life that you get to stretch yourself, and the more you stretch yourself, the more confident you become in allowing those things into your life and stretching yourself.

Don’t let risk, possibility, and opportunity into your life and your confidence will shrink and atrophy, making it harder and harder to take that next chance. But let those three things in and you’ll become a confidence powerhouse.

2. Know where you’re hiding

It’s all well and good for me to tell you to be open to risk, possibility, and opportunity, but if it was that easy you’d be doing it all the time, right? So the flip side of that is to know where you’re hiding from those things—how you’re stepping back and what you tell yourself when you hold yourself back.

“I’m not good enough.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m not ready enough.” Those are all stories we tell ourselves to make it okay to not go ahead with something. While that’s just swell if it’s done for the right reasons, if it’s done for the wrong reasons (e.g. because you’re afraid of screwing up, or afraid of getting it right) then you’re kidding yourself.

This is about being radically honest with yourself. A scary notion, but a critical one. Keep kidding yourself that you don’t need, can’t get, aren’t good enough or can’t deal with going after what matters to you and you’ll wind up old, lost and full of regrets.

Know what stories you tell yourself and don’t hide.

3. Do something

With all that said and done, it’s crunch time. You actually have to stand up and do something.

Just one thing. It doesn’t matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s a big leap or a tiny step. Just do one thing about what matters to you, or one thing about where you’re hiding from what matters to you.

You can have all the good intentions in the world, but without repeated, meaningful action it’s all for nothing. Watch for when you’re wrapping yourself up in second-guessing and look for when you’re employing delaying tactics to keep you away from doing something.

Then take a breath, tell yourself that you’ll be just fine, and do it.

4. Laugh

People take life too seriously, don’t you think? I always notice a change in myself if I go a day or two without laughing—I get too wrapped up in the detail and drama of things, and my world ends up spiraling inwards.

Sure, sometimes life hurts, but things are only a big deal or a drama if you decide they are. Get too wrapped up in the drama and all you’ll see is more drama and all the tiny, pesky details. Some people even keep those things close because they provide a layer of comfort (of being right, of being familiar, and of being safe), but with your arms open you don’t need to cling on to those things for comfort.

So laugh. Remember what really matters to you and look at your life with a sense of curiosity, lightness and fun.
That’s how you get to be at your best, and that’s how you’ll free yourself up to be naturally confident.

5. Rinse and repeat

Keep doing steps 1 to 4. Simple as that.

Steve is a superstar confidence coach who makes you want to build a life you love. He also makes a fantastic ragu, and while he can’t promise you a batch, he’ll promise to help you find your natural confidence so that you can put your dent in the universe. Grab his RSS feed here and follow Steve on Twitter.

Why I Love … Photography

April 28, 2011 by

“Hello, I am Karol, and I am a photography enthusiast…” says me.

“Hello, Karol!” says the rest of the PA (Photography-oholics Anonymous) support group.

Image is author's own

Oh yes, it is addictive. Trust me. However, I don’t think it’s an addiction you should by trying to get rid of. Because photography can be a great hobby for life.

Build a physical representation of your memories

You just can’t disagree with this. There’s no better way of documenting your memories than by having a massive directory of photos.

That’s why I started photography in the first place—I just wanted to continue the family tradition. My grandfather started it. He bought the first camera in the family. Then my father followed. Then it was my turn. What’s the result? I have a number of photo albums that have been put together during a 30+ year span.

Here’s an experiment. Try asking someone what they would have saved as the first thing from their house had it been on fire. Any idea what the answer will be?

Boost your creative mind

Shooting conscious photos puts your creative mind to work like nothing else. By “conscious photos” I mean the photos you shoot while thinking about the whole process: situations when you try to find the perfect frame, get the lightning and the angle right, set the best aperture, choose the right lens, and so on. By doing all of this, you’re exercising your brain and forcing it to come up with a result that is a “decent photo” by your personal standards.

Everyone needs to be a little creative every once in a while. It keeps your mind fresh and full of ideas. And if you’re in a business that’s more creative-thinking oriented (like web design, freelance writing, etc.) then doing something creative as a hobby is a must.

Have a great hobby

I’m not a professional photographer. I probably never will be. I don’t really care when someone says that my photos are no good. I’m not doing this for anyone other than myself. For me it’s a hobby, albeit a very important one.

How would you define a hobby? My definition is: something I consider relaxation when doing it. Shooting some photos is a great way to relax and detach yourself from everyday problems and challenges. There’s just you, the camera, and whatever you want to photograph. Nothing else matters.

Besides, photography as a hobby has many sub-hobbies in it. For example, take a look at some of the things I’ve been doing so far: creative self portraits, tilt-shift photography, nature, food, and HDR (not yet shared). If you want more ideas, I encourage you to search the groups on flickr—there’s a group for almost anything.

Easily gain knowledge

If you want to learn some new things and improve your skills, there’re countless places you can visit. For example, Digital Photography School is a good place to start. Those Flickr groups are great too. To be frank, the amount of free information online greatly exceeds what an ordinary human can digest.

And the best thing is you don’t really have to know much to be able to shoot a decent photo. (By decent I mean one that’s better than what 99% of people are uploading to Facebook.) Of course, if you want to go pro it’s going to require a lot of work and dedication, but that’s a whole different story and I’m sure you’re aware of that.

Enjoy countless online communities

Nowadays, if you’re a photography enthusiast you’re not alone. Try:

All of these places enable you to share your work with the world, get feedback, improve, and eventually take your skills to the next level.

One thing to remember is that photographers (even the amateur ones) are usually highly creative and interesting people. The kind of people you want to be friends with. Nowadays you can use your hobby as a way to meet like-minded people. Just join an existing community and see what’s going on (or start a new one and become a leader yourself).

Benefit from the low cost of entry

You really don’t need much stuff to be an amateur photographer. Not even a DSLR (to all pros out there: please don’t hate me for saying this). A simple point-and-shoot camera is fine for a complete beginner, which means you can start your adventure for less than $200. Compare it to, for example, kite surfing, which would cost you anything above $1500 just to get the basic equipment.

“OK, I’m hooked. Where do I start?”

  1. Choose an online community to join (my pick? Flickr).
  2. Get a camera.
  3. Check out Digital Photography Tips for Beginners (also remember to subscribe to their newsletter—it’s free).
  4. Learn theory and practice a lot. Submit your photos to Flickr and post it to Flickr groups.
  5. Improve.
  6. Repeat steps #3 to #5.

…and most importantly, enjoy it.

I love photography because it documents my memories, boosts my everyday creativity, provides a great and relaxing hobby, the knowledge is easily accessible, there are massive online communities for amateur (and professional) photographers, and it’s not expensive (at least at a hobby level).

What about you? What do you love about photography? And what’s your favorite sub-hobby in photography?

Karol K. (@carlosinho) is a 20-something year old web 2.0 entrepreneur from Poland who shares his thoughts at newInternetOrder.com. Tune in to get hisGetting Things Done (GTD) tips and other personal productivity advice. And don’t forget to connect with him on Flickr.

What’s the Motivation Behind Your Dreams?

April 27, 2011 by

This post is by Ali Luke of Aliventures.

You’ve got dreams for the future. Maybe they seem a very long way off—you want to own a yacht some day. Or they seem far-fetched—you want a six-figure salary. Or they seem like a lot of hard work—you want to be a doctor.

Whatever your dreams are, it’s worth thinking about the motivation behind them, because so many of us end up chasing the wrong dreams, for the wrong reasons.

What dreams are you working towards? What do you secretly wish for? Keep those dreams in mind as you read on…

It’s not about the money

I want to kick off with this one, because I know a lot of people (me included) find it easy to dream they’ll “make six-figures” or “be a millionaire”. But really, money is a bit of a disguise for what we really want.

When I dream about having lots of money, it’s not because I want to see a huge figure in my bank account, or because I want to have stacks of notes under my mattress. I don’t want money for the sake of the bits of paper, coins, and numbers—and I’m sure you don’t either.

Money is only useful because of what it can get us. I don’t know exactly what money represents for you, but perhaps it’s one of these:

  • Security: never lying awake at night worried about the bills
  • Opportunity: being able to take off on a round-the-world trip
  • Freedom: not being tied to a day job
  • Luxury: being able to have things which make you feel special and pampered.

None of those are bad or wrong things to want. The fact is, though, that just “making lots of money” isn’t necessarily the fastest way to get there.

If you really dig deep into the motivation behind your desire for money, perhaps you’ll find that what you really want is freedom—you’d be much happier if you quit your job, worked in something you loved, and actually had less money as a result.

Money can be a more problematic dream, though, when it’s tied up with motivations like:

  • wanting to impress people – maybe your parents or your friends
  • feeling that you won’t be “successful” until you’re rich.

Where do these dreams come from? They’re not really you, are they?

Chase your dreams, not someone else’s

I’m sure you’ve felt under pressure at some point in your life to live up to someone else’s dreams for you. Perhaps your dad wanted you to go to medical school, or your mom pressured you to get married and have kids.

The thing is, your motivation needs to come from inside, not from the outside world. You are the only person who can decide how to live your life—and you are the only person who can say what “success” really means for you.

I’ve struggled to let go of dreams that I held for the wrong reasons. For a long time, I was convinced that my life would somehow be magically perfect if only I could get a novel published, by finding an agent and then a publisher. Over the past few months, I’ve realized that this wasn’t really what I wanted. (And I wrote about letting go, in Why I’m Giving Up On My Dream.)

I wanted to get my novel published by a big publishing house because:

  • that’s what most writers seemed to want (I heard a lot of people talk about the same dream), so I figured I should want it too
  • I thought it would impress my writing friends.

Those aren’t good reasons for having a dream, though.

Maybe you’re thinking that one of your dreams is a bit like that. It’s something you’ve clung to because you thought it’d make other people happy, or you thought you “should” want it.

Is it time to let that dream go?

What’s your real dream?

This probably isn’t something that you can answer in a couple of minutes, but I’m hoping it’s something you’ll think about over the next few days.

What’s your real dream?

Deep down, what is it you’d really like to do? Who would you really like to be?

You might not find those questions easy to answer. Maybe you don’t think you have a dream, or maybe your dream doesn’t seem like it’s big enough or exciting enough—or it’s too big, and it scares you.

Your dream is perfectly valid—whether you want to climb a mountain, raise a family, write a novel, or simply live a quiet life.

So long as it’s your dream (not one that someone else has pushed on you, and not one which you’re holding in the hopes of impressing others), then it’s fine to want it.

If you’re feeling brave enough to share, or if you want a place to brainstorm, jot your thoughts in the comments box below and let us know what you’re dreaming of…

Ali Luke blogs about writing and life over at Aliventures. If writing is one of your dreams, check out her post Eight Secrets Which Writers Won’t Tell You.

5 Goal-setting Tips for Working Mums

April 25, 2011 by

This guest post is by Jasmin Tragas of wonderwebby.com.

I’m devoted to the four men in my life, so I never wanted work to get in the way of family. But I also love to create, so I also never wanted my role as a mother to prevent me from enjoying my work. Here are five things I’ve discovered along my journey working part time and being a mum to three boys.

my family

Image is author's own

1. Be determined to find your passion

What’s the thing that inspires you to work? What makes you feel alive and puts purpose in your day?

I figured, as long as I was going to work, I wanted to be doing something I loved and gave my work a sense of purpose.

2. Look after yourself

I know it’s common sense, but it’s important. Your wellbeing is vital so that you can give, so that you can be there for your family and be able to pursue your passion with loads of energy.

3. Love to learn

Instead of watching TV, I researched online, subscribed to blogs that inspired me and joined in creative online challenges. At work, I committed to projects and roles I knew would help to improve my skills and move towards something even better.

Practice your love for learning and see what happens!

4. Assess every day

Over the last few years I’ve changed work days, child care arrangements, jobs and support structures.

What works for you and your family today might be completely different the next. Be aware of their needs and your needs so that you are constantly assessing if the balance is right for your family. This also gives you freedom to make decisions, because there’s always an opportunity to change.

5. Persevere

Good things happen. Persevere! If the balance is right for your family, and if you know you’re learning, then you’re moving towards your purpose. You never know what might eventuate!

Jasmin Tragas works part time the Publishing Producer at ProBlogger and is a mum to three boys. She blogs occasionally at wonderwebby.com and tweets @wonderwebby.

Living a “Normal Life” with a Mental Illness

April 21, 2011 by

This post is by Jade of jadecraven.com.

Not so long ago, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It took a couple of years to be able to function on a day-to-day level. It took even longer to combine a “normal life” with self-employment.

All of us face life-changing situations to which we have to adapt. The following tips have helped me find happiness, and get my act together despite having to manage regular flare-ups of my mental illness.

Accept that your goals may take longer to achieve

I used to be really ambitious. I was that annoying kid who always got good grades, and did extracurricular activities. I assumed that academic and financial success would naturally follow.

Wrong. I started showing signs of severe anxiety during my final year. I bombed the exams and repeated the year so I could get into university. I ended up getting kicked out of uni when the anxiety got so bad I couldn’t leave the house.

It was so demoralizing. I had my life worked out. I was going to become a journalist, travel the world and then dabble in business once I had enough financial stability. I really beat myself up about it. My friends were finishing their studies, having kids and starting their corporate careers. I was struggling to get dressed each day and was blogging on the side based on a hunch that it may lead to something.

In the past year, I’ve calmed down. I realized that everyone has their own problems that are holding them back. Bestselling author Bryce Courtenay didn’t start writing until he was 55.

I’ve been able to enjoy day to day life more and I’ve noticed that I’m a lot calmer since I’ve relaxed my goals.

Accept that you can let things go

When I got really ill, I would neglect the housework. At one stage I would only do the washing once every couple of months. It was disgusting. As a result, I became a clean freak once I recovered.

I quickly learned that this isn’t stable. I live alone and have a lot of responsibilities. Having a clean household took energy that I didn’t really have.

I started cutting myself some slack. I’d let the dishes and washing pile up if I had a big work project. I’d neglect the garden for a few days. At first I really rebelled against it but learned to just lose control.

Surprisingly, I’ve been able to get a lot more done since making this change. It’s actually made life a lot easier.

Learn about communication

Having anxiety has the potential to cause friction in any relationship, let alone a romantic one. I’ve noticed I can withdraw for no reason, suddenly lose interest in sex and be somewhat clingy when I feel insecure. I assumed this would cause problems because this is my first relationship.

It hasn’t. I talk openly with my partner so he understands why my behavior has changed. We’ll find a compromise so we both get what we emotionally want without making the other person uncomfortable. We work together to make life that little bit easier.

I’ve applied the same principles to my relationship with my parents. Previously, we used to have a lot of conflict because of misunderstandings between us. Now I’ll ask them to explain their comments if I feel I have misinterpreted them. I let them know when I’m feeling down so that they can give me space. For the first time since childhood, I’ve actually been able to really enjoy my parents company.

Over to you

I’ve had to really change my thinking in order to cope with how my life has changed. Have you had an unexpected situation change your life? How did you learn to adapt to it?

Jade helps you build your influence at jadecraven.com.

Why You Don’t Need to Go Back to School to Re-Engage with Your Work

April 20, 2011 by

This post is by Sean from HigherEdCareerCoach.com.

In these trying economic times, many professionals are looking to further education as a way to steel themselves from the brutal reality of layoffs, corporate downsizing, and becoming “obsolete.”

Going back to school, however, is not a panacea. One cannot simply and magically change their circumstances through the act of enrollment; in actuality, engagement is the key to successfully continuing your professional development. And it isn’t the result of taking classes. If you’re really committed to your development, it’s clearly the other way around: the engagement must come first!

don't go to college

Image is author's own

Don’t just go back to college. Engage in it instead! Applying to academic programs and enrolling in workshops are both symbolic acts. In and of themselves, they cannot cure career malaise. Only a mindset of engagement can help you achieve that goal.

What does it mean to be engaged? Engagement is a buzzword these days in higher education, but it’s more than that. It implies an intentionality of purpose, marked by an alignment of passion and practicality, idealism and action.

Moving forward with purpose

Simply put, attending a class or workshop is not enough to ensure forward movement in your life or career. If you expect education to be delivered unto you from on high, then you have no business going back to school.

But if you embrace the possibility that studying a topic will help round out your skill set, introduce you to new perspectives, or teach you practical skills—and you are ready to work practically and emotionally to approach the endeavor with ferocity, determination, and single-mindedness—then you may be ready to pursue further study.

Education doesn’t just happen to you

Education is not a passive activity. It cannot be something that happens to you; it is something that you must engage in! Before you apply to an academic program, ask yourself the following questions:

  • When did your interest in further education begin?
  • Was it the result of burning question you’ve held close to your heart, or of enjoyment of a particular task or activity? (i.e. Is it more about your passion for a topic than anything else?)
  • What do you hope to learn?
  • How do you hope to apply it?
  • What are you willing to sacrifice in exchange for it?

If you can’t answer these questions, then it is not time for you to return school. It is time to return to your passions, to pick them apart, and to take practical action.

Are there other activities that might allow you to learn new skills and apply them?

For example:

  • Are there opportunities among your current tasks at work or at home that might allow you to pursue your passions without sacrifice?
  • Do your current circumstances allow you to apply the knowledge and skills you are seeking?
  • If so, why aren’t you pursuing those options right now?
  • If not, what are you willing to do to pursue other opportunities?

You must be an active participant in your life and career. View it as a great adventure: your adventure. You choose the destination. You set the course. And when you are truly ready, you’ll look forward to the next opportunity, ready to engage.

Have you ever needed to re-engage with your work? How did you do it? Did study have a role to play? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments.

Sean Cook is a Life Purpose and Career Coach from Athens, GA, whose practice is geared toward assisting individuals pursue purposeful careers in higher education. Read more from Sean at HigherEdCareerCoach.com.

5 Ways to Nail That Job Interview

April 19, 2011 by

This post is by Steve of The Confidence Guy.

I don’t have to tell you that going to a job interview can be stressful, particularly in today’s climate where competition is higher than ever.  The date of the interview starts to loom, you pile on the pressure and you become a nervous wreck before you even shake the hand of your potential employer.

Here are five ways to gather your self-confidence and nail your next interview.

1. Don’t over-prepare

job interview

Photo courtsey I Don't Know Maybe, licensed under Creative Commons

I once turned up at an interview knowing nothing about the company, what they did or what they wanted.  It didn’t go well, and I’m surprised that the interviewer didn’t kick me out of the building.

There’s no substitute for knowing your stuff, so be ready to talk about your successes and know something about the company’s products, services and positioning, but be careful not to over-prepare.

Over-prepare and you end up putting more pressure on yourself to have all that knowledge at hand, and you end up sounding overly rehearsed or stilted, giving canned answers to questions or second-guessing what you should say next.

So while you need to know what you’re talking about, you have to leave room to think on your feet and space to be at your best.

2. Go ahead and be nervous

The very fact that you’ve been invited to interview means that they think you might be right for the job.  That’s a Good Thing.

It’s easy to focus on the drama of the interview and what happens if you screw up, but focusing on the pitfalls, problems and panic will only ever give you more drama, and that’s exactly what you don’t need.

Once you get into thinking, “Oh boy, I’m so nervous. My hands are shaking, I bet I’ll say something wrong.  I hate being nervous.  I’m screwed,” it’s so much harder bring yourself back to your senses and be at your best.  Sure, interviews can make you nervous , but it’s okay to be nervous.  The problem is thinking that being nervous is a problem.

So watch for when you start telling yourself negative stories about being nervous, and reassure yourself that it’s okay.  After all, if you weren’t nervous it means one of two things: either you don’t care or you’re not interested.

3. Remember it’s a two-way street

I’ll be willing to bet that either you or someone you know has landed a new job in the past, only to find that either it wasn’t everything it was promised to be, or that the company was just plain bad.

That’s why an interview has to be a two-way street.  It’s a method of establishing whether you’re the best candidate for a role and if the role and organization is a good fit for you.  It’s not simply about the interviewer pulling out the information they need to make their decisions, you need to get the information you need to make your decision.  Keep that in mind and you’ll see that it’s a level playing field—there’s no “upper hand.”

4. Put your lips together and blow

The whole point of an interview is to show the interviewer how good you are at what you do.  Fail to do that effectively and it’s game over.

So you have to be ready to blow your own trumpet (hence “put your lips together and blow”, I don’t know what you were thinking about!). You have to be ready to big up your achievements and sell yourself.

The best way to do that is to get comfortable with your achievements.  Don’t downplay them or think it’s egotistical to talk about them—look for great results you’ve had in the past and the part you played in them.  What strengths did you apply that helped that come about?  What talents did you use to shape things?  Get clear on your achievements and capabilities and you give your interviewer real-world examples—that’s exactly the information they’re looking for.

5. Enjoy yourself

If you look like the interview is torture or are just generally down-beat, you won’t get hired. It’s as simple as that.

Worrying about how you think you ought to behave, how an employer wants you to come across or second-guessing what “being professional” looks like are sure-fire ways to look pained.  Having interviewed a good few people in my corporate past I know there’s one thing that made candidates stand out head and shoulders above the rest: the fact that they were enjoying themselves, not just in the interview, but generally in their lives.

If you’re engaging with what you’re doing and enjoying where you are, it comes across strongly and speaks volumes.  So relax, smile, have some interesting conversations, and even have a bit of a chuckle.

Even if you don’t get the job, at least you know you were you, and not worrying or trying to be someone else.  Enjoy it, engage with it and bring who you are to the table.

What tips can you add from your experience in job interviews? I’d love to hear them!

Steve is a superstar confidence coach who makes you want to build a life you love. He also makes a fantastic ragu, and while he can’t promise you a batch, he’ll promise to help you find your natural confidence so that you can put your dent in the universe. Grab his RSS feed here and follow Steve on Twitter.

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