Embracing the Journey

July 13, 2011 by

This post is by Peter G. James Sinclair.

With readers now from 150 nations currently visiting my blog, and subscribers being added daily, my first online video/audio/text course called Self Development Mastermind on sale, ebooks created, along with my Daily Motivational Memo ready to launch, plus a whole lot of exciting personal development materials in production—just after deciding six months ago to truly pursue my passion—all I can say is, “I’m excited.”

With my articles being picked up by blogs with huge readership, even landing a mention in The New York Times, I am bursting with creativity and energy. Early every morning I jump out of bed into the darkness, and take myself to one of a number of my favorite cafes here on the Gold Coast to “create magnificence”—as I call it.

I have a burning desire to make a difference in the lives of people in Peru, China, Kazakhstan, and beyond through the power of my Motivational Memo blog.

The world is so full of negative reports, details of disasters and horrifying events that it is in desperate need of my message of hope, faith and the understanding that for every storm there is a rainbow.

But it hasn’t always been this way

I was born long before the Internet, and yet in my twenties I developed a global vision. However, I never really knew how that would ultimately play out in my life.

Every morning I would take a map of the world and begin to pray for each and every nation of this world, their leaders and for their people.

But life has a habit of taking you to places at times where you didn’t intend going.

One of those places was a period of six months where my young family and I didn’t own a motorcar, and I decided to take on a part-time job of packing shelves in my local supermarket. This involved either getting up very early in the morning some days, or at the other end of the day working very late into the night when the store was free of customers.

This was a period in my life where I found myself between opportunities and I decided to enjoy the journey. Not once did I complain—though at times it was tough (especially when it came to having to ride my pushbike in the rain). For during this time I hung on to the global vision that had been imbedded in my heart years before.

So there I was—a “global shelf packer” dreaming of my next bestseller (which actually happened after this period when I was handed my first $100,000 check for my first ever self-published book). All I could think of was how one day my words would impact millions of people around the world.

So how did I choose to enjoy this period of my life?

Well here are just a few things I did:

  • I chose to be the best shelf packer in the store. Products that I placed on the shelves were placed with a spirit of excellence attached.
  • I chose to have the best shelf packer attitude out of all the shelf packers combined. I smiled a lot.
  • While others kept complaining about the “unreasonable” managers—and they were—I kept my mouth closed.
  • While others laughed at me as I gathered up all the cheap bread late at night—and hopped on my pushbike laden with a discounted bready bundle, I ignored the jeers, because I knew what reception I was going to receive from my young family the very next morning. My children started to call me Father Christmas because of all the goodies that I delivered, and my wife loved me for capturing the incredible savings.
  • While I packed shelves I kept dreaming of my future as a global motivational influencer, and a leader in my field of passion. There’s nothing better than dreaming while you’re wide awake.
  • During my time as a shelf packer I filled my days studying and pursuing my passions—refining my skill as a writer and spending my time associating with mentors, both dead and alive, in my chosen field. This was where I spent hours locked away in the basement of a local university library poring over the writings of men like Ralph Waldo Emerson, amongst others.

So what of the future?

I will continue to write life changing material, until I reach every single nation of the world through the power of the blog and the Internet and whatever technology hands us in the years to come.

I won’t stop until I reach the very ends of the earth with a message that inspires and encourages men, women, and children to pursue their passion, dream huge dreams, and fulfill all that they have been created to become—all because I have been transformed from a shelf packer into a global blogger.

This is my mission. This is my commission. What’s yours?

Peter G. James Sinclair is in the ‘heart to heart’ resuscitation business and inspires, motivates and equips others to be all that they’ve been created to become. Receive your free copy of his latest eBook Personal Success Blueprint at http://www.motivationalmemo.com and add him on Twitter @PeterGJSinclair today!

Five Irrefutable Laws of Friendship

July 12, 2011 by

This post is by Jennifer Brown Banks of Penandprosper.

A few weeks ago, I got a surprise email in acknowledgement of my birthday. Needless to say, I was touched. Not only because it was two weeks early, but because it came from a friend I’ve known since eighth grade. She and I met as two awkward teenagers chosen for a “gifted students” program, many moons ago.

Decades later, and amidst all the frenzy and fanfare that is life, this friend still remembers. Not long after that connection, I enjoyed a birthday celebration by hosting a festive get-together in my backyard, that combined good food, good spirits and good company.

My “peeps” and I laughed and ate until our bellies ached! The evening was rounded out by Karaoke and the popular line dances, as we all sought to prove that we “still had it. “

These fun folks have shared my life and forged fruitful memories since 1994, as our alliance was “divinely ordained”—all creative artists that met on the arts scene, initially traveling in some of the same circles.

As I blow out the candles signifying another year of abundant blessings, I count my friends among them. You see, as I get older, I realize just how treasured they truly are. In fact, Emily Dickinson states, “My friends are my estate.”

Believe me. When you’re younger, a fickle, fair weathered friend, may fill the need for bar hopping, shoe shopping, or sharing gossip. But as life unfolds, and takes on more depth and requires more emotional demands, you’ll need to upgrade your line of friends as well.

For this reason, it’s crucial to invest quality care in choosing quality friends. Moreso than choosing your wardrobe, choosing your investments, or choosing a car.

Truth be told, it’s one of the most important decisions you‘ll ever make to impact your quality of life, other than whom you’ll marry. Why? Because when done right, friends become like our extended families. They serve as “shock absorbers” amidst the many bumps, bruises, and near collisions on the path of life.

When done right, they keep our secrets “til death do us part.” They support our dreams, hold our hands through life’s tragedies, tell us the truth, even when we don’t want to hear it, and embrace our silliness. Most importantly, they accept us for who we are—flaws and all!

It’s an important role, and one not to be taken lightly. Even the Bible expounds upon the importance of friendship in several chapters and verses. With this in mind, here are five irrefutable laws on friendship.

1. Lovers come and go, but good friends are forever

Treat them accordingly. Many times when we are in the throes of a new, hot romance, our friendships are placed on hold, and even taken for granted. Then when the “honeymoon stage” is over, or there is trouble in paradise, our friends are the first folks to help us pick up the pieces of a broken heart. Learn proper balance and prioritize properly.

2. Trust is a must

Like most relationships of a personal nature, trust is crucial to bonding, emotional intimacy, and quality communication. I once heard a woman say that she wouldn’t trust her attractive “friend” to be around her husband. Huh? What kind of friend is that? Heck, what kind of husband is that?

3. Even though friend is a “common” noun, not everyone defines it the same way

I learned this the hard way when former “friends” didn’t share my views on keeping their word, operating honestly, or having personal accountability. Make sure that you’re on the same page with your pals. It reduces drama, hurt feelings, and potential ugliness.

4. There is great truth to the adage, “People that gossip with you will gossip about you”

I personally dig folks that share the “Gospel” as opposed to sharing gossip. And you’ll find that typically those that talk maliciously, repeatedly behind others’ backs don’t have a “life”, or enough substance to sustain quality relations. Steer clear.

5. To have a good friend you have to be a good friend

It’s a no-brainer. Think of it as part of the reaping principle. You give what you get.

Keep these five tips in mind in evaluating future and past friendships. There’s no disputing, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, Pro blogger, relationship columnist, and incurable romantic. Her work has appeared extensively online at sites such as Daily Blog Tips, Technorati, WorkAwesome, Search Engine Journal and Divorce2Dating.com. She blogs at http://Penandprosper.blogspot.com/.

Money Personalities: Are You a Wealth Creator?

July 6, 2011 by

This post is by Shaun of moneycactus.com.

Isn’t it funny the way different people behave with money? Some squirrel it away and spend as little as possible, while others spend like drunken sailors, buying anything and everything they can!

Although there is a huge difference between these personality types I don’t personally feel that one is necessarily any better than another. Both examples tend to highlight people who use money poorly and are therefore not contributing to their own wealth. I don’t recommend indiscriminate spending and neglecting savings, but then I don’t really endorse extreme frugality either.

Although their personalities may be poles apart, people at both ends of the scale tend to end up feeling the same way: poor and unhappy.

The indiscriminate spender

Indiscriminate spenders may briefly satisfy their need for instant gratification by buying the things they want, but all this really does is fuel the fire and leave them feeling empty and wanting more. These are dangerous feelings and the result is similar to any other addiction: the bar needs to be raised each time in order to achieve the same feeling of satisfaction.

The outcome is often a debt spiral that becomes harder and harder to pull out of and our unhappy spender comes to the misguided conclusion that money is the root of all evil.

The money hoarder

Although money hoarders may feel like they are far better off than indiscriminate spenders, they don’t generally fare much better. Most will also feel unsatisfied with their financial position as the thing that makes them successful money savers also stops them from enjoying the fruits of their labor—they become afraid of spending. Amassing large sums of money is something to be proud of, but merely hoarding it is like keeping your favorite toy in its packaging and never getting to play with it.

There is no fun to be had and eventually you end up resenting money in the same way as our unhappy spender.

The wealth creator

The best wealth creators are not generally extreme at all, they are in fact completely average in every way. They know how to save, but also know how to reward themselves for doing so. There are no feelings of guilt relating to the way they use their money, a successful wealth creator can spend their allocated money freely as this is exactly what it was intended for. Wealth creators understand that there is more to life than money, but also know how to attract and use it to make more.

The biggest factor defining these type of people is their ability to think logically and control their emotional intelligence.

How do you view money?

It is completely possible to be a wealth creator, no matter what you current outlook is, all it takes is a change in perspective. Most of us aren’t extreme spenders or hoarders, but then most of us also have trouble finding the balance in between. Money can have strong effects on our emotions and quite literally rule our lives if we let it, this is where controlling our emotional intelligence becomes very important. Strangely enough, the process we can use to develop our emotional intelligence is exactly the same for both indiscriminate spenders and money hoarders alike, ultimately It comes down to how you view your money and how you value your other aspects of wealth.

If I said to an indiscriminate spender, “Hey, you should buy this really cool shirt. It’s on special and looks great on you, plus it only costs fifty bucks!” chances are they would be rather tempted. After all, it will make them look good and it’s on special.

Now what if I said it in a slightly different way? “Hey, you should buy this really cool shirt. It’s on special and looks great on you, plus it only cost three hours of work!”

Chances are our indiscriminate spender is going to ask me what the heck I’m talking about, but then they might also think a little longer about buying that shirt. Would they go to work for three hours and happily walk out with that one shirt? If the answer is yes, then they should go ahead and buy it. At least now they have made a conscious decision.

Our money hoarder is probably not that into retail therapy, they might desire something else, but the loss of their precious savings is holding them back. The same principal can be used to weigh up the true cost of what they want.

“Round-the-world ticket for $1,899.”

Or

“Round-the-world ticket for less than three weeks’ work.”

I don’t care how tight you are with money, that is starting to sound pretty darn good! Money hoarders need to find the thing they desire, allocate funds and start working towards it. By setting a reward they may just find that they work harder, or preferably smarter, at achieving their goal and developing their overall wealth by adding to their life experience.

It really doesn’t matter what your pay or tax rate is, you can easily apply this train of thought to your situation and ask yourself the same question: would you be happy to give up X amount of time (working) to get Y as a reward?

In the end wealth creation is much more about lifestyle than it is about just making money. If you know what it is you want to do, and develop your emotional intelligence to help make better financial and life decisions, you will find you can do just about anything you like.

Shaun is not an accountant, financial planner or life coach, but he writes about wealth creation anyway! Shaun’s motto is “Make wealth, not money,” which fits quite nicely with where he wants to be in life. You can find out more by visiting his blog where he shows you how to do nothing and grow wealthy.

The Defining Qualities of a Winner

July 4, 2011 by

This guest post is by Peter G. James Sinclair of motivationalmemo.com.

‘Winners hate losing, but are willing to lose in order to get better.’
—Robert Kiyosaki

Everyone loves a winner. But in order to win, experience has taught me that it may require a combination of both a series of wins and losses in order to achieve an ultimate victory.

It’s not what you go through that makes the difference. It’s what you learn along the way and what you become in the process—a winner.

But what are the defining qualities of a winner? Here are just four that particularly stand out to me:

Desire

Without a burning desire to achieve or obtain, there is no light and no warmth generated in a life.

To have a goal or a dream with a deadline is the very thing that will create the “fire of desire.” It’s the burn that will create the yearn.

A life filled with desire will jump out of bed in the morning ready to go, will work relentlessly throughout the day, and even burn the candle long into the night.

For a well-placed desire is the motivation, or as I say the “motor-vation” that will drive you towards your win.

Desire is the spark, the flame, the ignition, the energy, the propulsion and the characteristic of a winner and their winning ways.

Information

Ongoing education is crucial for the winner who doesn’t want to be a “one-win-wonder.” By continuing to partake of the information that builds them as winners they will go from one victory to the next.

Life is a long distance race, and not just a 100-meter sprint.

Each time I have ever embarked into a new business arena, my first and foremost task has been to educate myself.

When I embarked upon writing a musical I studied musicals and those who wrote them throughout the past century. When I decided to self publish my books I studied publishing and marketing. When I started a web design company I surrounded myself with a team of smart people and took notes furiously. When I decided to make money from blogging I hired a blogging coach.

The information gained set me up for a win each and every time.

Assimilation

It’s one thing though to be informed. In this day and age we are often in fact suffering from information overload. It can actually paralyze you if you let it.

What is required and demonstrated by the winner is the ability to assimilate what they have learned and put it into action.

The power is in the application of your new-found knowledge, and not just the knowledge alone.

Personally, I have always understood something far better by doing rather than just listening or watching. Another way I have learned things at a deeper level has been to then teach others what I had just learned. Through the years I have acted as a business/life coach for many—at first for free, and now for payment.

I am always surprised at how “smart” I have become. The fact is though, that as you teach others—or even prepare and deliver a speech, both of which I am now paid to do—your own thoughts and understanding of the subject matter is crystallized in your own mind.

Repetition

I learned the power of repetition when I studied the piano from the age of six through to 18, with only a six-month break when I was 14.

The drill of playing scales, arpeggios and the discipline of the theoretical study of music clearly demonstrated to me of the value of repetition.

The direct result was that I was transformed over time from being a mediocre piano student into one who composed and performed his own songs, recorded five professional recordings and wrote both the music and lyrics for my own stage musical.

In sales I learned to become a professional salesperson through repetition of the sales process. In writing I learned to become a professional writer through repetition, and aligned with that repetition was the repetitive actions of editing, refining, evaluation and improvement.

These are the defining qualities of a winner. Can you add more to this list?

Peter G. James Sinclair is in the “heart to heart” resuscitation business and inspires, motivates and equips others to be all that they’ve been created to become. Receive your free copy of his latest eBook Personal Success Blueprint at http://www.motivationalmemo.com and add him on Twitter @PeterGJSinclair – today!

7 Ways to Keep a New Habit

June 29, 2011 by

This post is by Benny Hsu of Get Busy Living.

Have you ever tried to keep a new habit only for you to stop a week or a month later? It happens to all of us.

Don’t worry—you always get another chance to start again. The next time you want to start new habits in your life, try a different approach for success.

Here are some tips to help you to keep your new habits.

1. Know why you’re doing this

Having a strong reason why you are doing something is stronger than how you will do it. Knowing why will keep you focused when you’re tempted to quit. Let me give you an example.

If there is a board ten feet long on the floor and I tell you to walk on it, will you? Of course. If I put that board connecting the top of two buildings 40 stories up, will you cross it? Most likely not. Now if your child was on the other roof and it was on fire, would you walk across? You bet you would.

The situation stayed the same but your reason for going across was the motivator. It’s what drives you.

This is why many New Year’s resolutions fail so quickly. There’s not a meaningful reason for the change. It’s just something you feel like you should be doing.

Really know why you are making this habit and want to keep it. The ones who succeed in making new habits and keeping them are the ones that have a deep reason to change. Find yours.

2. Mark an X on your calendar

When working towards making positive changes, one way to keep you going is to chart your progress. Sometimes the physical progress is harder to see because the changes are gradual. You may need a way to visually see that you are making progress.

When I was training for my first half marathon, I printed out the training calendar and put an X after each day I trained. Once I started, it was rewarding to see so many Xs and to know how far I’d progressed. I wanted to keep those X’s going. I didn’t want a blank box.

At the end of a month, I couldn’t believe how many days of running I’d actually accomplished. Seeing it motivated me to keep the momentum going.

3. Don’t break the habit

Of course that seems obvious, but it’s more than that. You don’t want to do perform your habit for two weeks and then stop for two weeks and then decide to try again. Why?

When you consistently do something with regularity it keeps the momentum going. Doing it everyday keeps you in the routine. Once you stop for a period of time it’s harder to get that rhythm again.

Make an effort to stay consistent each day. Remember slow and steady wins the race.

4. Blog about it

Instead of being accountable to just one person, take it one step further if you have a blog and post your goals on there! You’ll get encouragement but also you’ll also have report to them.

Pat Flynn recently finished a 60 day workout program with amazing results. He said one of his biggest motivations was the people checking in on his progress. He didn’t want to let them down.

5. Don’t punish yourself for falling off the wagon for one day

Earlier, I said don’t break the habit. However we are are human and good habits are not easy to keep. If you skip a day or fall off the wagon, don’t think it’s the end of the world and you’re a failure.

Look at the big picture of how you’re doing. If you are doing something for a whole month like exercising or eating healthy and have one day where you feel lazy or eat a whole pizza, don’t be too hard on yourself.

If you’re trying to cut out soda but you had one at a friend’s house, it’s okay. One day won’t ruin everything.

Focus again starting tomorrow. You’re trying to incorporate this habit into a lifetime change so you’ll have plenty of time to stay on track.

6. Get money involved

Money is always a motivating factor for most people. Here’s one way to do it.

If you want to start a new habit of reading 30 pages of non-fiction a day, four days out of the week for a month, find a friend or relative you can trust and give that person $100 at the beginning of the month.

That person will give you $25 back every week you complete your goal of reading. If you fail to complete it, the person keeps $25. If you complete a week, you get $25 back. Keep going till the end of the month.

Don’t make the amount too extravagant, but don’t make it too small, either. If you do, you won’t care if you don’t have it. Also, make sure you’re honest with your results. Lying about it defeats the whole purpose.

7. Reward yourself

Set a time frame for rewarding yourself throughout the process, not just at the end. You should reward yourself because keeping a habit isn’t easy.

At the end of your set time, say a week or two, if you’ve been doing a great job sticking to your habit, reward yourself with something you want. A day at the spa. A trip to a baseball game. A shopping trip. It’s completely up to you.

Then at the end of a longer timeframe—say a month—give yourself a bigger reward, like a small vacation. If you’ve made it that far, you truly deserve it.

Keep that habit

Studies have shown that it takes three weeks to form a good habit. Take the list above and find the ones that will best motivate you to continue. Developing better habits will lead you to more success and happiness in your life.

Benny Hsu blogs at Get Busy Living where he’s inspiring others to live a remarkable life, explore ways to help people get unstuck and find what excites them everyday. You can also follow him Twitter @Benny_Hsu.

How to Break the Downward Spiral of Negative Thinking

June 28, 2011 by

This guest post is by Dan Lippmann of the Mood Switch Method.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is for your negative thinking to spiral out of control?

“I wonder if I’ll be able to meet that deadline.
If I don’t meet the deadline, my boss will go crazy.
He’ll give me a bad evaluation.
I’ll end up getting fired.
I won’t be able to pay my bills.
I’ll lose my home.
I’ll be out on the street with no money.
My life will be over.”

You start out by thinking one upsetting thought. In seconds, that thought leads to another, until you’ve produced a whole chain of negative thoughts. When combined together, these thoughts steal your sense of well-being, leaving anxiety and fear in their wake.

The most important thing for you to know is this: You don’t have to go along with whatever negative thoughts are triggering up in your brain. You can learn to direct your thinking in a way that will be helpful instead of harmful to you.

Breaking the chain of negative thinking

Picture your negative thoughts as a chain of associations. Your goal is to break the chain after the first link and then keep new links from being added.

This is easier than you might think and doesn’t require superhuman effort—only a little bit of awareness and practice.

You may be surprised to learn that your negative thoughts aren’t usually random. Often, there’s a specific underlying emotion (sadness, anger, jealousy) or theme (money, death, health) that triggers your negative thinking and serves to link your thoughts together. Once you’re aware of your personal patterns or themes, it’s easier to break the associations or links.

I realized this a few weeks ago when I heard on the radio that a TV personality from my childhood had died. I immediately felt mildly sad, and then I realized that my mind suddenly wanted to make other “death associations.” If I had allowed my thoughts free rein, they probably would have played out something like this:

“My mother’s dead.
My father’s dead.
I’m the same age as my father when he got sick.
I hope the same thing isn’t wrong with me.”

…and on and on!

If I had allowed this line of thinking to continue, I would have been in a down mood in a matter of minutes, and maybe spent the next few hours, or even days, feeling badly.

Fortunately, I recognized where my mind wanted to take me, and made a conscious choice to stop my thoughts in their tracks. I simply refocused my thoughts on something neutral – the tastes and smell of my breakfast – and then switched the radio to a music station that I like. I was able to stop the downward spiral before it began and to get on with my day.

So the next time you experience an upsetting feeling, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Is there a benefit to thinking about this situation?
  2. Is there a benefit to following the chain of associations arising from this situation?

If the answer is no, turn your thoughts to something neutral, interesting, or uplifting. You might be surprised at how easy it is to avoid a downward spiral.

It might even save your day.

Dan Lippmann counsels clients from his two Chicago-area offices and is the creator of the Mood Switch Method, an easy to learn technique that breaks the painful cycle of negative emotions, such as anxiety, down moods and anger. Download his free eBook, Beyond EFT: 7 Steps to Banish Stress, Worry, Fear and Anxiety, and sign up for his weekly tips at www.danlippmann.com.

A Shortcut to a Happier Life

June 27, 2011 by

This post is by Nihara of Doing Too Much.

For a while, my daughter was coming home from preschool completely distraught and dejected. “Nobody wanted to play with me,” she would report day after day. Her sad little words crushed me. I imagined my lonely baby girl, sitting in a corner with no one to keep her company as she painted on canvas or built towers out of wooden blocks.

When I reached out to my daughter’s teacher to share my worries, she assured me that my little girl was playing “beautifully” with many of the children in the class. Her teacher even began emailing me a daily report, telling me exactly who my daughter played with each day. I finally realized that there was nothing particularly bad about my daughter’s days at school. The problem was one of perception, not reality.

My little girl was spending all of her time focusing on the minor slights that are part and parcel of preschool life, and not enough time cherishing the happy parts of her day. We humans all suffer from exactly this same tendency, says positive psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman. In his new book, Flourish, he writes that “[w]e think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right in our lives.” Analyzing negative events can sometimes be helpful for personal development, Seligman acknowledges. But he argues that “people tend to spend more time thinking about what is bad in life than is helpful.”

Changing your mindset with the what-went-well exercise

We can’t press a button and magically create a happier life. But we can feel happier by changing the way we look at our lives. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of our days, Seligman explains that we can teach ourselves to “get better at thinking about and savoring what went well.”

He recommends the ridiculously simple “what-went-well” exercise. All you have to do is reflect daily on three things that actually went well that day and why they went well. You don’t need to find three big or important things (like a promotion or a marriage proposal). Just think about three positive events, however small or simple (like making it to work ten minutes earlier than usual, or having your favorite sandwich for lunch). Seligman claims that if you stick with it, you’ll probably be “less depressed, happier, and addicted to this exercise six months from now.”

So what does all of this have to do with the story of my sad little preschooler? Well, after unsuccessfully trying a few different tactics for cheering her up, I decided to test-drive the “what-went-well” exercise on my four-year-old. We called it the “three good things about your day” game.

Before she left to school in the morning, I told my daughter that she needed to find three good things about her day at school, like getting a good color at the play dough table or hearing a nice song at circle time. Even if she was having a really bad day, she still had to report three good things about her day (in addition to sharing her troubles).

The very first time we tried the “three good things about your day” game, my daughter returned home from preschool positively exuberant. She excitedly listed three good things that had happened to her before I even had the chance to ask. The “good things” were all very simple (like the fact that she and her best buddy painted on side-by-side art easels), but they made her beam from ear to ear. What was amazing was that she didn’t stop at just three good things. She had five happy things to report that day.

We continued the game until preschool ended last week. The same child who was coming home from school dejected and distraught was suddenly delighted and eager to share the good news of her day. Nothing about school had changed. The only thing that was different was her mindset.

The moral of the story is that you too have the power to have a happier life, just by focusing on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative.

What three things went well in your day today?

Nihara is (slowly) figuring out how to make the most of her time and her life—and you can too. Read Nihara’s thoughts on how to live a better, saner life at Doing Too Much.

Finding Time For Me

June 22, 2011 by

This post is by Nicole Avery of Planning With Kids.

In a recent survey of 4,000 mums across Australia by Kleenex Mums, just under half said they could do better in terms of taking some time out for themselves. Taking time out for yourself as a mum lets you rest, recharge, and reassess. In short, it helps you be a better mother and for me, having time to myself has been crucial to me keeping my sanity in the chaos that can be life with a young family.

Image is author's own

I am a mum of five, I write a blog, and have just had my first book published. One of the first questions people ask me is ‚ do I have any time for me? And the answer is, “Yes I do!” I haven’t always though, and it has taken learning, adaption, and planning on my part to make sure that it happens.

The burned chop

Back in my early corporate days, I attended a self-improvement workshop specifically designed for women. My memory of the workshop is vague, with the exception of one analogy that the trainer made. She said mothers tend to always give themselves the “burned chop”: if they overcooked a chop while cooking dinner, they would eat the burned chop themselves. In other words, mothers put the needs of others above their own.

This analogy has stuck with me over the years. There have been (and will probably continue to be) instances where I forego things that I’d like to do in order to fit in all of my family’s needs. Compromise is always necessary within families, so I don’t expect that I always have my needs met first. Planning time for myself, however, means that my needs are not always last on the agenda, either.

Taking the burned chop every time is not the example I want to set for my kids. Setting my own goals, and allocating time for myself to achieve them, models for my kids the way I’d like them to approach looking after themselves. I don’t want them to think that, as a mother, my needs are not as important of those of other family members.

How to avoid eating the burned chop

Over the years I have worked out that just saying “I want time to myself” won’t make it happen. I have found there are three key steps I need to take to succeed in taking time out for me:

1. Set personal goals for “me time”

I needed to know what it was that I wanted. What did “time for me” actually mean? There are no set answers to this question and it is something that changes over time. Right now, for me, it means getting to the gym for an hour five times a week. Exercise has such a positive impact on my life:

  • It makes me less cranky.
  • It helps me sleep better.
  • It gives me more energy.
  • I have some time to just have my own thoughts, without lots of questions from little people!

All of these things then mean I am in better frame of mind and state of health to parent my kids and relate to my husband. So although this is “time for me” they also receive indirect benefits from it as well.

2. Set an activity plan

Once I knew what I wanted, I then needed to talk with the family about ways that we could make it a reality. There is always a need for compromise and negotiation where there are many competing needs. My husband and I agreed on my gym times: Monday to Friday from 6.00am to 7.00am.

We explained these times to the kids, so they would be aware that they will most likely wake those mornings and mum won’t be home. My husband does everything possible not to schedule early morning meetings that will cut into this time with the kids. It does occasionally happen, but he will give me as much notice as he can, so we can arrange another time for me to get to the gym.

Gaining the support and commitment of the rest of the family was critical to setting an activity plan that would let me achieve my goals.

3. Stick to it

With the family on board, it is now down to me to make sure I actually stick to the activity plan we created. This means setting the alarm each night for 5.45am. If I sleep in and leave late, I lose some of my precious hour at the gym, so I needed to be disciplined. Previously when I have been doing early morning gym sessions, if I went to bed late, I would go to bed with the mind set of “it’s a late night, I will see how I feel in the morning”. Before I had even lain down in bed, I had given myself a leave pass not to get up.

This time around I have approached it quite differently. In my mind the 5.45am wake up call is not negotiable. If I go to bed late, then I am just tireder in the morning when I get up. It is not the morning start that I need to change, it is the evening before. Through this discipline over the first few months, I have now created myself a good habit. Each night before I go to bed, I do the same things:

  • Set the alarm.
  • Get the gym gear ready.
  • Fill up the water bottle and grab the gym towel.
  • Make sure the iPhone is charged and the headphones are with it.

Having all these things ready means I have no excuse in the morning when I am tired and sometimes would prefer just to lie there! I have taken away as many obstacles as possible and I focus my thoughts on how good I feel at the end of the session. It is a powerful motivator to get me up and going.

How do you approach finding some “me time” in your life?

Nicole Avery is the master organiser behind the popular blog Planning With Kids, where she shares tips and tricks to organising the chaos of family life. Her first book “Planning With Kids” was released in May 2011 by Wright Books.

Share Your Passion for Reading with Your Family

June 20, 2011 by

This post is by Jennifer Wagner of Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology.

Reading can be a very enjoyable and entertaining activity, not to mention educational. If your kids have not realized this yet, what can you do to help them?

The huge growth in Young Adult literature gives teens so many more reading choices than they’ve ever had. I wrote about this trend in Have Young Adult Books Become More Popular and Respectable?

With so many more books geared toward the teen and tween age group, there has got to be something that even the pickiest reader can enjoy.

Let your kids see you reading. Even better, read a young adult book that they might like. Many recent YA book series, such as Harry Potter, Twilight, and The Hunger Games, have been just as popular with adults as they have been with teens and tweens. Young adult books are beginning to be read by a wide range of adults, not only parents, teachers and librarians. So there should be many books that you can enjoy as much as your teens. If your teens pick them up, you can have great discussions about the books.

What do teens and tweens love to do more than almost anything else? Socialize. They spend a great deal of time online on social websites. There are many social websites for teens that revolve around books and reading. If they read about books that their peers love, teens will be much more apt to give them a try themselves. Sites I like include:

To only read books that have been assigned from school makes reading seem like a chore. To read a book because you heard good things about it or the description sounds great is so important to enjoying it. My whole family still discusses the Harry Potter books together to this day. We are now reading The Hunger Games series. I love having a family that enjoys reading.

Does your family love to read?

Jennifer Wagner is the creator and author of the blog, Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology.  She also has a second blog, My Recommended Websites, contributes articles to Technorati, Blogcritics, and the Yahoo Motherboard, and is a Lifetime Mom.

The Smart Way to Use Credit Cards

June 15, 2011 by

This post is by Stephen Guise of Deep Existence.

Credit cards are one of the most misunderstood financial instruments in the world. This is a fact—one that explains why VISA and American Express are worth about $60 billion a piece.

The interest rates on credit cards are actually illegal in many states, but a supreme court ruling changed everything by allowing credit card companies to only follow the laws of their headquarter’s state. Naturally, companies moved to ever-popular states such as South Dakota and Nevada because they had lenient usury laws.

Usury laws protect consumers from excessive interest rates. Since that supreme court ruling essentially removed them for credit cards, the rates regularly exceed typical usury limits, with one card charging as much as a 79.9% APR. Still, people are jumping at the chance to build up debt with double-digit interest rate credit cards. According to the USA Debt Clock, the USA has nearly $800 billion in credit card debt at this time.

Be on the winning side for a change

I just recently received a credit card that will allow me to take between two and four domestic round trip flights in the United States, free of charge.

Okay, it isn’t completely free. There is a $95 annual fee for this particular card. Still, I can cancel the card or negotiate that fee at any time, and I still get my flying benefits. I took advantage of a British Airways promotion that gave new customers 100,000 BA Miles (50,000 on first purchase and 50,000 after spending $2,500 in the first three months).

Before this card, I got the Amazon.com credit card. The card allows me to get a $25 Amazon gift certificate for every $833 spent on Amazon and every $2,500 spent elsewhere.

You know what things I really like? Travel and Amazon.com! So far, I have received about $600 worth of Amazon money. It was completely free. I did not spend a dime on anything I would not have bought otherwise. Later this year I will be traveling somewhere exciting for petty cash (you pay taxes for flights—usually $10 domestic) because of my British Airways card.

Why you can win

Credit card companies are statistics experts. You are a statistical probability in their eyes. They will always play the odds and come out richer as a result—the same reason Vegas always wins.

The difference between credit cards and Vegas is that we have complete control over what actually happens. I can pay off my credit card every single month on time (even automatically to ensure it). I can reap all of the benefits of the card without sacrificing much at all.

How to do it

First, have a goal in mind. Do you simply want cash back? Is there a particular store you shop at all the time? Do you want to travel? By car or by plane? There are so many different types of credit cards out there that it’d take a book to cover them all. This link is a great resource for getting started with research. The types of cards are listed in the left sidebar menu.

The idea is to find something you spend a lot of your money on and find a credit card that maximizes the rewards and perks for buying that particular thing or from that particular company. There are low interest cards out there, but if you’re looking for one of those, you’re planning on being on the losing side of the deal (paying ridiculous interest—”low” is probably actually a very high 10%).

Consider bonuses

Sometimes the sign-up bonus makes it worthwhile to get the card. For example, I have limited interest in the British Airways card, but the sign-up bonus is worth more than $1,000. This initial perk would take most cards several years to reach in rewards and it is available very soon after getting the card. Another bonus of the card is that it has no international transaction fees. So if I decide to use my miles to go to Fiji, I can use the card there without the typically exorbitant fees.

Most importantly…

Pay the card off on time. Every time.

It is literally insane to pay 10+% interest on something. Give me guaranteed 10+% interest on my investments and I’ll be rich when I’m older. Pay 10+% interest on money you don’t have and you’ll be swamped in debt in no time. You can thank compound interest for this.

Final advice

Make sure you understand the fees and conditions of the card you get. Don’t look at 12 months 0% APR and be surprised when it jumps up to 20% APR after that. I don’t pay attention to the APR because I’m not interested in paying these companies for no reason. Some great cards, like my BA card, have annual fees that are still worth it. Others have annual fees that the card does not justify.

I recommend doing as I do and “filtering” all of your purchases through your carefully selected credit card. Not only will this practice rack up some serious rewards and perks, but you’ll be building your credit score by showing you’re responsible with debt (which allows you to get better offers). I know of some people who were denied this great BA card deal because their credit score was poor.

I will leave you with possibly the best advice of all: check Slickdeals and search for credit card deals. This website gathers the best deals around the web and if there is an amazing deal out there, their community will find it. Better still, you can read the comments of people who received a similar deal before.

For this BA card, I read several stories of the miles paying for flights to Egypt, Canada, and other places that would have cost thousands. You might also read negative experiences with not being able to use air miles or other red tape that credit card companies sometimes use. If you do your research, you will get a good feel of what to expect from your new card.

VISA has been playing this game for years—but you can still beat them.

Written by Stephen Guise, who has a B.S.B.A. in Finance. When Stephen was willing to fail, he started blogging at Deep Existence. Rumor: American Express is considering giving customers the option to subscribe to Deep Existence at ATM terminals because reading the content there is almost like getting free money. I fully support this idea.

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