Guest Contributor

The Most Unnatural Way to Fight With Your Partner

September 14, 2011 by Guest Contributor

This guest post is by Dan Lippmann of danlippmann.com.

Does every squabble with your partner turn into a full fledged shouting match? Does your desire to vigorously defend yourself come second only to proving how wrong your partner is?

Her: “I thought you said you were going to take out the garbage.”
Him: “I am going to take it out. Just not now.”
Her: “But you’ll forget if you don’t do it right now.”
Him: “Stop bossing me around. I’ll do it when I’m good and ready.”
Her: “Which means never. And, then I’ll have to take it out in the morning. I’m so sick of cleaning up all the messes you leave behind.”
Him: “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Her: “You know exactly what it means. Maybe I’m just sick of you!”

Sound familiar?

So what do you do when all reason goes out the window, insults are flying, and you’ve backed each other into a corner?

Actually, there are several things you can do to restore the peace, but they all hinge on your willingness to do something “unnatural.”

I’m a counselor who spends a lot of time teaching couples how to communicate more effectively. The comment I hear most often when I introduce these strategies is, “This isn’t natural!” I tell couples, “You’re right. It’s not natural. But it’s worth practicing until it comes naturally.”

Would you rather be happy or right?

Partners? Image used with permission

My client Joe described his wife as “hot-tempered and critical.” Whenever she accused him of something, he would vigorously defend himself and tell her she was completely wrong. She would then insist that she was right, and their fights would escalate into three-hour screaming matches that would jump from one subject to another.

I asked Joe what he thought would happen if, rather than defending himself and insisting she was wrong, he found a bit of truth in what she was saying and admitted some responsibility.

He said, “I could never do that! It’s not what a man does! Besides, I like being right.”

So I asked him, “Would you rather be right or happy?”

He decided to give the techniques a try, and we rehearsed some ways to respond to his wife’s accusations.

At the next session, Joe reported that a miracle had happened! His wife had accused him of never complimenting her, and instead of defending himself, he replied, “You’re right. I don’t compliment you enough. I’m going to do that more.” His wife was caught completely off guard and mumbled, “That’s great.” Joe marveled, “That was the end of the discussion. Normally we would have had a three-hour fight.”

The more Joe practiced not always having to be right, the more the relationship improved. Today he and his wife feel closer than ever.

How to prevent disagreements from escalating

The strategies below are likely to feel awkward and unnatural at first. It’s not easy to let go of defensive, knee-jerk responses. But if you persist, I guarantee you’ll have a happier, more loving relationship.

When your partner accuses you, look for some grain of truth in what they are saying – even if it’s miniscule. For example, “You’re right I do forget to take out the garbage sometimes.”
If you can’t find any truth at all in what the other person is saying, just say, “You might have a point there. Let me think about that.”
Even if you completely disagree with the other person’s accusations, you might still want to admit it just to preserve harmony. (This takes a lot of motivation and self-control!) You can always explore the issue at a later time when your partner is calmer.

If you want your partner to appreciate and love you more, then try being right less often!

I’d love to hear what happens when you try out these unnatural strategies. How did you partner react the first time they heard one of these new responses? Please let me know!

Dan Lippmann counsels clients from his two Chicago-area offices and is the creator of the Mood Switch Method, an easy to learn technique that breaks the painful cycle of negative emotions, such as anxiety, down moods and anger. Download his free eBook, Beyond EFT: 7 Steps to Banish Stress, Worry, Fear and Anxiety, and sign up for his weekly tips at www.danlippmann.com.

The True Value of Financial Goals

September 13, 2011 by Guest Contributor

This post is by Shaun of moneycactus.com.

I know what you’re thinking: “just another post about financial goal setting.” Yeah, those are pretty common these days. How much more could I tell you about setting SMART goals, and having them for the short, medium, and long term anyway?

Click! You’re gone … plenty more to read online today.

It’s a bit of a shame for those that have already left, because I’m not really interested in how you set goals, or the number you have and whether you’ll achieve them before midnight on New Year’s Eve. What I want to know is:

why you set them and
how big they really are.

Forget Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time bound goals.

Let’s talk about your dreams instead.

How big do you dream?

Alright, time to be honest here: do you dream about being filthy rich and powerful? How about just well off with the nicer things in life? Perhaps you would just be happy to be debt-free and have more choices and freedom?

There is nothing wrong with dreaming about any of these things. It really depends on how big you want to get and where your priorities lie.

What do you value?

Everyone has a core set of values. These are the things that you place the greatest importance on, and are generally what drive you to do the things you do, live the way you live, and be the way you are. It is really important to understand your values when setting goals—particularly financial ones, as they will ultimately dictate the end result.

If we focus on financial goals, then the associated values are the way we think about our time, money, and lifestyle. If you want to be filthy rich, then you probably value money the most. If you want to be well off, then it is likely you value lifestyle, and if you just want to be debt-free to enable greater choice, then you probably place the greatest emphasis on your time.

People often say they value all of these things, which is perfectly fair, but if you really think on it, it is likely that you place greater value on some aspects more than others.

If you are honest with yourself and identify your values, then developing and reaching your financial goals will get a whole lot easier.

To determine your values, have a think about some of the goals you may have set in the past, or some you might set right now. Are they focused around a central theme? If you were to prioritize them, how would the most important one align with money, time, or lifestyle?

Personally I find the best and most telling way is to look at goals that you haven’t achieved in the past. The reason is likely because they didn’t align with your values.

How strong is your belief?

Once you understand your values, you should know how realistic your goals might be. This doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t try to stretch yourself, but it will help you identify your weaknesses and hopefully improve your resolve if you are truly committed to reaching your goal.

For example: If you value the simple things in life, then a goal to live frugally and save as much as you can might be completely achievable. On the other hand, if you value your creature comforts then this might be a huge stretch.

I think that the ultimate example is the one of becoming filthy rich. After a certain point, having lots of money would cover all of our values wouldn’t it?

Rich and powerful? Check.
Lifestyle and creature comforts? Check.
All the time in the world and lots of choices? Check!

Perfect, right? Well, not really. Unless you win the lottery, you still need to commit to a path that allows you to reach this goal and it will not align with the values of everyone. In fact, it is likely to align with the values of very few because often it means taking big risks with the money you have, committing to a plan without wavering (i.e. having very little choice), and living on less in order to invest more.

The goal of becoming filthy rich therefore seems to be unattainable because no one has values that align with the goal. I’m not going to lie to you—this is a pretty tough goal and not one that many truly want anyway, because they’d have to stretch all of their values at the same time in order to achieve the desired outcome. If this is a goal of yours, then understanding your values and how they will impact your financial goal setting will greatly improve your chance of success. If it is not your goal, you should still think about ways in which you can try to stretch your values and dream as big as you dare.

If you place strong importance on your immediate family/children/closest friends, you might set a goal to double your income in the next 12 months in order to allow your partner to give up their job and stay home with the kids or enrol the kids in a private school/drama classes/music lessons or fly ten of your closest friends to Bali for a party.

Ultimately, your goals need to be about you. Why else would you set them? Find out what you value and your goal setting will get a whole lot easier.

So, what do you value? Share your thoughts with us in the comments.

Shaun is not an accountant, financial planner or life coach, but he writes about wealth creation anyway! Shaun’s motto is “Make wealth, not money,” which fits quite nicely with where he wants to be in life. You can find out more by visiting his blog where he shows you how to do nothing and grow wealthy.

Fall Food Favorites: Warm Lentil Salad and Super-moist Carrot Cake

September 9, 2011 by Guest Contributor

This guest post is by Jules Clancy of Stonesoup.

As Summer draws to a close and the evening start to get a little chilly, there’s one thing that saves me from getting depressed about the long, cold Winter ahead.

It’s the food.

And the anticipation of getting a decent appetite back.

While I love salads and ice cream as much as the next girl, possibly more even, I find I just don’t get as hungry when it’s warm out and the focus is on keeping cool.

But as soon as the temperature dips and the days start to draw just that little bit shorter, I find my hunger returning. Thankfully, it also brings along the desire to spend more time in the kitchen than the few seconds it takes to toss a Summer salad.

After months of neglect, it’s time to get reunited with my oven and my love for baking. It’s time to start thinking about roasts and slow cooked dishes. Meat that just falls of the bone when you think about touching it with a spoon.

It’s time to start thinking about soups and mushrooms and roasting nuts. Among other things…

Which produce comes into season in the Fall?

After having the whole summer to grow and ripen, it’s not surprising that fall is the season of the harvest. A season of abundance.

Vegetables: For me fall is all about pumpkins and mushrooms. But it also sees the beginning of the root vegetables that really come into their own in winter. Beets and carrots are lovely at this time of year as are parsnips.
Fruit: Grapes and their divine end product, wine are big in the fall. Other fall fruit includes apples, pears, figs, pomegranate and quince.
Meat: For some reason I associate pork with the fall. Probably because it goes so well with apples that are in season. Although it could just be that I’m looking for an excuse to eat some crackling.

7 ideas to get you excited fall produce again

1. Visit a farmers market

With cold storage and the global food chain, shopping in your local supermarket can be so consistent from month to month. Boring when you think about it. Its no wonder we become detached from the seasonal nature of food production.

Fortunately, there’s a super-easy way to get back in touch. No, you don’t need to find a big plot of land and get your green thumb happening, although that might be fun. All it takes is a visit to your local farmers market. Chatting to people who really live and eat by the season, it’s hard not to be infected by their charm.

2. Go foraging for mushrooms, or not…

I have dreams of one day being adopted by an old Italian man who knows how to find the best wild mushrooms and avoid the spectre of death. Unfortunately this is still waiting to be realised.

So in the meantime, I make do with meaty portabello mushrooms from the market. Just roast them with some thyme, garlic and a generous few knobs of butter. Just the thing for a warm salad or a hearty veggie sandwich.

3. Roast some nuts

It always amazes me how a little bit of heat can bring alive the wonderful toasty flavours of nuts. Leave chestnuts for the winter and stock up on hazelnuts and almonds instead. Just the thing to add crunch and some warming, nutty flavours

4. Seduce someone with the worlds sexiest salad

It’s hard to beat a fresh fig when it comes to food for seduction. Except possibly a salad made to be shared with figs, buffalo mozzarella, proscuitto and a handful of parsley for some greenness.

5. Make a pot of soup

Even though one of the best soups I ever ate was in a back alley on a swealtering day in Bangkok, I still think of soup as being about cooler weather. I’m happy to skip them all tougether in favour of salads during the summer. But when fall comes knocking, I’m happy to let him in if there’s a big pot of veggies and stock simmering away on the stove.

6. Bake a cake

Now that it’s cool enough to crank up your oven, get busy with a spot of baking. A super moist carrot cake like the recipe below if just the thing. Or better yet, try theselittle chocolate cakes for a hit of intense chocolatey goodness.

7. Plan a wine holiday or weekend

All the activity with harvesting grapes from the vineyard and fermenting them into the nectar of the Gods makes fall a vibrant time to visit any wine region. The chance to sample ripe wine grapes fresh from the vine is something all wine lovers should experience at some stage. Prepare to be blown away by the depth of flavour which makes table grapes taste like simple sugar water.

[5 ingredients | 5 minutes] A warm lentil salad for fall

Beet and lentil salad (image is author's own)

Serves two.

If you’d prefer to keep it nut free, a little goats cheese or feta would make a great substitution for the almonds.

I prefer this salad slightly warm, but it’s also great at room temperature.It’s one of those hearty salads that can be made in advance and will sit around happily until you’re ready to eat.

Feel free to either use canned beets or roast your own. Scrubbing fresh beets and chopping into quarters or smaller chunks. Place in a roasting pan, drizzle with olive oil and a little balsamic vinegar, cover with foil and roast for 45 minutes to an hour, or until tender.

For the balsamic onions, just soften a couple of large sliced onions in a generous glug of olive oil and then finish with a few tablespoons of good quality balsamic vinegar.

1 tablespoon sherry vinegar
250g (9oz) cooked or canned lentils, drained
10 pieces roast or canned beets
3-4 tablespoons balsamic onions
optional small handful roasted almonds

Whisk vinegar with 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil in a large bowl. Season.
Toss in lentils, onions if using and divide between two plates.
Top with beets and almonds.

[5 ingredients | simple baking] Super-moist carrot cake

Serves six to eight.

Almond meal can be expensive, so if you’d prefer to keep costs down substitute the almond meal with some self raising flour or all flour. The texture will be lighter and more traditionally cakey, but it will still be lovely. You probably won’t need to bake it as long either.

This is like one of those wonderfully squidgy brownie recipes where it’s not meant to be cooked all the way through. If you’re a little nervous about eggs not being 100% cooked, by all means do so, but the texture will loose some of it’s pudding-like moistness.

250g (8 1/2 oz) brown sugar
1/2 cup vegetable or peanut oil
3 eggs
250g (8 1/2 oz) almond meal
250g (8 1/2 oz) carrots, coarsely grated

Preheat your oven with a baking sheet on the middle shelf to 180C (350F).
Line a 20cm (8in) spring form cake tin with baking paper. Grease the base and side with a little oil.
In a large bowl, mix together the sugar and oil.
Add eggs, one at a time mixing to combine. Stir in almond meal and carrots.
Pour cake mixture into the prepared tin and level off with a spoon.
Bake for 1 hour, or until the top is golden and feels firm to the touch. Cool in the tin.

What are you favorite Fall foods? Share your recipe ideas in the comments!

Jules Clancy loves food and wine so much she has science degrees in both. She is the author of 5 Ingredients | 10 Minutes and blogs about delicious meals that can be made in minutes over at Stonesoup.

Start Saving For Your Winter Getaway Now!

September 7, 2011 by Guest Contributor

This post is by Ali Luke of Constructively Productive.

As I write this, it’s late August here in the UK—and the weather is already cold and miserable. By the middle of winter, I know that I’ll be thoroughly fed up of the rain and the grey skies.

If you live in the Northern Hemisphere too, you’ll be watching the days grow shorter and shorter as winter approaches. By December or January, you’ll probably be wishing you were somewhere warmer.

Now’s the time to plan (and save) for a winter getaway, so that you’ve got something to look forwards to as the months get colder.

Why it’s good to get away

You know how valuable a vacation can be. It leaves you refreshed and re-energized for your work; it gives you a chance to spend time relaxing with your family or friends; it may even be a chance to try out something completely new.

In the depths of winter, getting away to somewhere warm and sunny can really lift your spirits. Christmas is often a busy time of travelling to see different groups of friends or relatives, so taking a break in early December or in January can give you some much-needed time out!

Of course, you probably agree with me that a winter break would be great—if you could afford it. After all, with Christmas on its way, your budget might already be looking stretched.

Don’t simply wait until December to see whether or not you have enough money left over for a break: chances are, you won’t.

You need to start saving now so that you can enjoy a guilt-free trip.

How to keep your savings plan on track

You don’t have to save a lot in order to get away. A few hundred dollars might well be enough for a long weekend trip, plus cheap flights (try hunting around online for good deals).

If you saved just $50 per week—$10 each weekday—for three months (13 weeks), you’d have $650. Okay, it’s not going to buy you a month-long cruise, but it’s enough for a refreshing few days away.

Where can you find that $50? Perhaps:

you and your partner go out for a meal twice a week, and easily spend $25 per head
you’re buying a couple of new DVDs or computer games each week
your daily lunch costs you $10—if you packed leftovers from home, or made a sandwich, you’d be paying a fraction of that
you spend $50 on drinks every Friday night when you go out with friends.

If you haven’t got much idea of what you’re currently spending, try keeping a log for a week. Write down every penny you spend. At the end of the week, look for $50 worth of spending that you could cut.

It can be hard to stay motivated to save, so if you’re struggling, try these tips:

Only take the cash that you need when you go shopping—that way, you won’t be swayed by impulse purchases.
Book your trip ahead of time. Then you’ll know exactly what you’re saving towards.
Put your savings into a separate bank account, so that it’s harder to spend them on a whim.
Ask your partner or a friend to keep you accountable.

If you hope to enjoy a winter vacation in three or four month’s time, let us know what you’re planning to do, and how you’re going to make sure it happens! The comments are open…

Ali Luke blogs at Constructively Productive about productivity with perspective. If you’d like regular tips on getting more done, saving money, and—most importantly—finding time to do what you love, then grab the RSS feed here.

Why Smiling Makes You Feel Better

September 1, 2011 by Guest Contributor

This post is by Jean Compton of jeancompton.com.

“Smile when your heart is aching, smile even though it’s breaking…” You’ve probably heard the song “Smile” made famous by singer Nat King Cole. But did you know that the music was composed by actor/director Charlie Chaplin? He used the melody in the soundtrack to his epic film, Modern Times. Through the years, The Little Tramp and his films have taught us a thing or two about smiling. But, did you know the following facts?

It takes more muscles to frown than smile

There is some controversy about this. Some researchers actually think the opposite is true. But, however you look at it even if smiling does take more effort, doesn’t that bit more “muscle” make the effort worthwhile?

What babies can teach us

Babies don’t start actually smiling before two to six months of age. Sometimes smiling can be so intense for babies that they have to look away. But don’t get discouraged because in a moment they’ll look back. And, when they look back make sure you’re still smiling as the engagement will teaches them—and us—that it’s a good thing to do!

Smiling makes you more attractive

When you smile at someone, it’s infectious—kind of like yawning. Have you noticed, that someone is much more likely to smile back when you smile at them? You know the saying, “Smile and the whole world smiles with you?” They say that for a reason. You want to pull people closer—not push them away.

Sometimes you just don’t feel like smiling

If you’re having one of those days, you can actually trick yourself into feeling better. If you make yourself smile, it may feel false at first, but something about turning the corners of your mouth up instead of down will actually start to make you feel better. Then you can turn what might have been a down day into a groovy, “up” one.

The eyes have it

Know how to tell if someone is fake smiling or genuinely smiling? Look at their eyes. If the eyes aren’t smiling, then you know it’s a phony look. Catch yourself when you do this. Don’t be a phoney baloney.

You’re wearing it

You know when someone is stressed right away as it always shows up on their face. Take time to put on a smile. Pretty soon you’ll be feeling less stressed and more productive.

To your health

Some believe that optimism improves the immune system. So being relaxed can help you ward off diseases such as colds and flu.

The “low”-down

Test the effectiveness of your smile. Try this if you have high blood pressure. Sit for a few moments. Take a blood pressure reading. Then smile and while still smiling, take another reading. You’ll be surprised at the results!

You’re so vain

Smiling makes you look younger! Frowning definitely ages you. You can take years off your face by not going under the knife but rather going into the frown-free zone.

As you can see, the life-affirming effects of smiling are numerous. So, learn from the music in The Little Tramp’s song. Sometimes it’s hard to smile. But, like the song says, “That’s the time you must keep on trying…” It’s so much more worthwhile … if you smile.

Want to learn proven relaxation tips from someone with over 20 years experience? Want to de-stress and change your life? Visit Jean over at http://jeancompton.com/ for more insightful posts.

When Life Gives You Lemons…

August 31, 2011 by Guest Contributor

This post is by Jim Nelson of LiveWorkDream.com.

As trite as it may sound, when life throws lemons at you the best thing you can do really is to make lemonade. I suggest adding sugar, and enjoying every last sip.

We were living the entrepreneurial dream. In 1998 my wife and I escaped the rat race and left lucrative Silicon Valley jobs to start our own home-based graphic design firm in the rural coastal town of Eureka, CA. By 2006 we had grown our business to include Fortune 500 clients, expanded into a 3700 sq. ft. Victorian home office, developed an online storefront, and outfitted a full-service large format graphic production studio. We were making good money and enjoying the success we had built for ourselves. Then our dog got cancer.

The author and his wife with their dog Jerry on the road in South Carolina

Jerry was our Chief Fun Officer. He kept us sane during the endless hours we worked, and he was always there for us when the stress of dealing with clients, color correction, inventory, and overhead got to be too much. It was our turn to pay him back for his years of dedication and selfless service. After proceeding with an amputation to remove the tumor growing in his shoulder, and being given a prognosis of four to six months, we took a serious look at our situation and wondered what we might do to make the most of the remaining time we had together.

Our little venture was at a point where we seriously needed to hire sales and production help. We were in debt up to our elbows and over our heads in work. The last ten years had flown by as we slaved away. We had always dreamed of traveling the country, and we knew Jerry was always up for an adventure. So we quickly made plans to sell the business, our home, and nearly everything we owned.

I created our Live Work Dream blog initially as a marketing tool to promote the sale of our ideal live/work opportunity. In a matter of months we were training the new owner and waiting to hit the road in our new fifth wheel trailer. Although doctors told us Jerry had only a few months to live, we spent the next two years exploring the country together as a pack. From the Badlands to the Mississppi headwaters, from the Atlantic coast in Maine to the Gulf of Mexico, Jerry taught us to make the most out of life.

Along the way, we investigated potential business opportunities while searching for land where Jerry could spend his final days. Our furry zen master didn’t quite make it to see the Colorado mountain home we call Jerry’s Acres. But he inspired the business that turned out to be right under our noses the whole time. We continue to maintain the largest online community for three legged dogs from the road when we head south for the winter every year with our new three legged dog Wyatt.

I share this story not to brag, but rather to encourage anyone with a dream to follow it, and to offer hope for anyone facing adversity. Our bittersweet journey with Jerry is just one example of how to make lemonade. Hopefully the following ideas I learned as my life changed course ‚Äì for the better ‚Äì might help others who feel like they’re being buried alive in lemons.

How to Follow Your Dreams

Make a plan

Figure out what you want and determine the steps required to get it. Write down a detailed plan of attack with action items, budget considerations and deadlines. Make a dream board complete with pictures, news clippings and other items reminding you of your goal.

Forget about stuff

Stop focusing on money. Focus on your passion instead. By releasing your attachment to material possessions, you can more freely work toward the end instead of the means.

Think from the end

As personal growth expert and self help guru Dr. Wayne Dyer suggests, see yourself where you want to be. If you want something, envision yourself already having it. See it, breathe it, feel it. Above all, Believe it.

Stop “shoulding” on yourself

“I should be making more money.” “I should have what I want by now.” “I should have done things differently.” These are detrimental thoughts that will only keep you from reaching your goal. Instead, focus on your intention and reframe your thoughts to be more positive.

“When you realize there is nothing lacking the whole world belongs to you.” -Lao Tzu

Change your perception about stability

Don’t fall for the false security of societal norms, and pay no attention to those who may think you’re crazy. Realize you have the power within yourself to succeed at whatever you wish. When overwhelmed with thoughts of “what if” forget what and tell if to take a hike.

Never underestimate the power of coincidence

Coincidences are the universe telling you to pay attention. Ask yourself what they mean, and follow their lead. Example: When we decided to buy a trailer, we realized we would need a new truck. Within a week we were hit by a red light runner who totalled our small pickup. The time had clearly come to buy that Dodge Ram we’d been eyeing.

Seek inspiration

Get to know others who have done what you want to do. In addition to reading a few books that inspired us, we took our research a step further. We contacted and spent time with the author of one, a 70-year-old man who had recently completed his second solo trip around the world by motorcycle. His inspiration helped us believe in our adventure and our friendship continues today.

Don’t forget to smell the roses

Above all, be present. Be aware. Take the time away from chasing your dream to consider one of the most important lessons we learned from Jerry: that every day is a great day, no matter what life throws your way.

Jim Nelson and his wife Rene are freelance creatives and writers who blog about the lifestyle they have designed for themselves at LiveWorkDream.com. Jerry’s legacy lives on in the Tripawds three legged dog blogs and canine cancer discussion forums.

How Health and Wealth Are Tied

August 30, 2011 by Guest Contributor

This post is by Andrea Travillian of Take a Smart Step.

Do you feel like you are constantly trying to work on your money and your health? Like no matter what you do, they seem to be the exact same problems that keep appearing over and over again? You can’t pay off your debt; you can’t lose that last ten pounds…

What if I told you this was happening because your money is the root problem? When you are in debt and struggling with money, it affects your health. Higher stress levels can lead to more health issues—high blood pressure, insomnia, weakened immune system—all of which affect your weight.

Health and wealth. Image used with permission.

Because of all this stress, you eat out more; you buy more diet products—anything that will help relieve the stress. What it ends up doing is adding more debt, more weight, and more stress.

So how can you go about stopping the cycle and changing that?

1. Ignore the weight

To start with, just maintain your health. I know this is counterintuitive, but you need to reduce stress somewhere if you are to be able to gain traction in one area. By not working on two stressful items at one time, you free up more energy to work on the money.

Please note, I didn’t say “stop being healthy”—just stop trying to take off that last ten, 20, or 30 pounds. Continue what you were doing, but no more pushing. Maintain.

2. List your debt

Now we can focus all of our energy on paying off debt. The first step is to write down all of your debts in one spot. It does not matter if it is on paper, in Excel, or in a text file—just write it down. This lets you see what you need to work on. Keep the list handy, and post it in a place where you will be able to keep tabs on it.

3. Build a budget

Please don’t stop reading! I know our eyes tend to glaze over when the word “budget” comes up, but it really is helpful! Why? Because when you budget you get to see where your overspending is coming from. Then you can actually create a plan to tackle those expenses thus freeing up money for paying off your debt. Without this step you have no idea how you are doing or where you have problems. You are playing darts in the dark without a budget.

4. Start paying extra on your debt

Now you get to take that money you uncovered with your budget and start paying off your debts. Which debt first? I personally don’t think it matters—go for the highest interest rate, lowest balance, most hated company, or whatever suits you. The key is that you are paying it off and making progress, not that you are doing it in the perfect order. I do recommend that you make all your extra money payments to one debt of your choosing and nock it out, versus trying to do a little bit on each debt. This gives you more traction by making your minimum payments smaller and smaller.

5. Rinse and repeat

This step here is the important one, just like you keep getting up every day and working out you need to re-list, re-budget and keeping paying down debt over and over again. If you stop after a month you will have made no progress. You need to do each phase over again as your situation changes. Every month is different, and every time you make a payment your amounts go down. When you pay off a debt, you need to pick a new one to pay on. The process is not static, so you need to keep moving on it.

Before you know it, your debt will be gone. Gone with it will be the stress that it caused. This is when your health can really take off! With the extra stress gone you can refocus on your fitness and finally lose that last ten pounds.

Andrea Travillian writes the blog Take a Smart Step which helps you untangle your money mess so you can create financial freedom. You can follow her on Twitter or Facebook @smartstep or facebook or sign up for her RSS feed (Or do them all to be extra money savvy)!

Adventures in Chronic Illness: What to Pack for the Journey

August 25, 2011 by Guest Contributor

This post is by Heather Gaskill of whereapy.

There are so many things that most of us take for granted, and one of the most basic is our health.

Particularly when we’re young, the thought never really occurs to us that one day we’ll wake up with a set of symptoms that prevent us from performing the basic activities that carry us through life, those that the people around us can do relatively effortlessly.

Just the experience of getting really sick is terrifying and traumatic; the feeling that your body is attacking itself for no apparent reason is bad enough, but being told that the condition is permanent is something else altogether. It’s like waking up in an awful new environment and being told “you live here now.”

If I could use one word to describe my experience of chronic illness, it would be “struggle.” I’d love to say that now, five years after having been diagnosed with Crohn’s, a form of inflammatory bowel disease, I had achieved “peace” with the situation, “accepted” it, as I’ve been advised to do, or found some great deeper meaning from it that made me appreciate the experience.

Don’t get me wrong—I feel like I’ve grown and learned things that would have been otherwise out of reach for me, and feel proud of how I’ve coped with and responded to my disease. However, if I was standing at a crossroads, and one path said “Crohn’s,” I’d take the other path.

The real rub of being sick for me has been figuring out how to cope after having found myself here, on the path that I would never have chosen. Initial diagnosis, given that it often follows a health crisis and many intrusive (and with bowel disease, very unpleasant and embarrassing) diagnostic tests, gets a lot of attention, but it’s really just the beginning of the story.

For me, the mental and emotional aspects of chronic illness have matched the difficulty of the physical ones. It’s hard to get your head around the idea that you may never have the energy to do the things you could before you got sick, that you may just keep getting worse until surgery is the only option, and that the treatments offered to you carry potential side effects that rival the disease itself.

Chronic illness can feel so lonely and isolating, as we’re often surrounded with people who are sympathetic, but have no real concept of what the experience might be like.

Things that I’ve found helpful on the road so far…

1. Support

I’ve found that I need just as much now as I did when I was diagnosed. Please ignore anyone who responds to you in a way that communicates that you should be “over this” by now. I’ve found working with a therapist at different points along the way to be really helpful. A lot of conditions have support groups, forums on the internet, etc.—figure out what works for you and use it.

2. Information

Most of us start with what our doctors tell us about our condition, available treatments, and prognosis. What I’ve found is that there’s a lot more out there about my disease than I’ve been told by my physicians. Sorting through all of it can feel confusing and overwhelming, but the more you know about what others have experienced, possible alternative treatments, and ways to cope, the better equipped you’ll be for my third suggestion, which is….

3. An empowered approach to treatment

When I first got sick I did pretty much everything my doctors told me to do: often the options sounded awful and counterintuitive to me, but I was really scared, and they always threatened surgery or worse if I didn’t take their advice, leaving me feeling helpless, trapped, and out of control.

After a lot of research and trying many different things, I’ve arrived at an approach to managing my illness that I’m comfortable with. I’m aware that things could change causing me to have to refigure things, but at this point I feel equipped to make informed decisions that incorporate several therapeutic approaches, including the conventional system.

You’re the only one who can decide what approach is the best for you; having support and information are really key pieces in being able to carry this suggestion out.

Heather Gaskill has a Masters degree in Social Work and has worked as a trauma therapist, educator, researcher and hospital social worker. She is the content editor for Whereapy, a website that builds relationships between people seeking therapy and independent therapists.

Developing a Mindset for Social Good

August 24, 2011 by Guest Contributor

This post is by Angela Irvin of Chrysalides.

Social Good, a term often used by organizations, refers to the ideals and actions that promote a greater benefit for society. In addition to being socially responsible for the societal and environmental effects of their products and services, many organizations become involved with social issues for which they provide philanthropic solutions.

However, we should be reminded that organizations are not inorganic entities; they are human collectives, comprised of individuals. Therefore, the foundation for social good actually starts with the individual.

The concept of social good goes beyond the idea of simple charity. It is an encompassing mindset that stems from an empathetic desire to improve the human condition. However, empathy alone will not lead to a mindset for social good, nor will it always compel an individual to take action.

There are several concepts that are common (and perhaps necessary) in the belief systems of people with a social good mindset.

Interconnectedness

Interconnectedness is a worldview that is rooted in Buddhist philosophy. It is the belief that everything on earth is interrelated, and nothing exists independent of relationships to other things.

A social good mindset embraces the understanding that a problem affecting one segment of society will ultimately affect the whole of society. We are also connected in the sense that each individual reflects the humanness of every other individual. This is the basis of empathy, which allows us to see ourselves in others.

Interconnectedness also applies to our surroundings. Humans are inextricably interdependent with the environment. Abuse of its resources, or disregard for the creatures that exist within it, triggers a domino effect that ultimately affects human life.

Assets vs. limitations

Consider the following quote:

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”—Edward Everett Hale

The key point is not to devalue ourselves by focusing on limitations. Instead, acknowledge the value of what we do have to offer. Even if limited financially, we have natural strengths and talents—which in themselves are valuable. Therefore, every person on earth has a charitable asset base.

The social good mindset is not deterred by limitations, because there is always an asset to offer. In other words, we should do what we can with what we have – and if we can’t do a lot, then do a little.

No action is too small

We don’t need give a grand performance in order to make a difference; small actions matter. Many people are deterred from acting due to the erroneous belief that their actions are too small to make a difference. However, it is important to think in terms of collective actions and understand that small actions contribute to a larger cause.

For example, if we visualize the vastness of an ocean, one act can be likened to a drop. However, though only a drop, each drop is a necessary component of the whole. Therefore, to understand the impact of a drop, simply imagine the outcome if there were no drops—the ocean would cease to exist.

The social good mindset is not concerned with the size of an act. In addition to the power of collective actions, we should remember that in the ocean, even a lone raindrop makes a ripple.

Spheres of influence

Whether we realize it or not, we influence the world on a daily basis. The social good mindset recognizes that regardless of occupation or social position, each of us is centered within a personal sphere of influence.

We’ve undoubtedly influenced many, even if only by sharing our experiences and insights. Kind actions tend to have a ripple effect, and we should keep in mind that our actions are often paid forward without us realizing it.

Internal locus of control

A high sense of internal control is vital to the social good mindset.

A person with an internal locus of control believes that success or failure is within their personal control and is determined by their skill and effort. By contrast, individuals with a high external locus of control believe that success or failure is determined by something outside of themselves, such as fate, luck, or powerful others.

In a recent study,* researchers compared the personality variables of Holocaust heroes (non-Jewish civilians who risked their lives to save others) to the traits of bystanders who offered no assistance. The study found that those who risked their lives to save persecuted neighbors had a higher sense of internal control than those who did not offer assistance. Additionally they found that those with an internal locus of control also possessed a stronger sense of social responsibility.

A person with a social good mindset believes they can accomplish great things through their own efforts, and they don’t wait for someone else to save the day.

Sense of purpose

The most important characteristic of the social good mindset is that it stems from a sense of purpose. Purpose is the primary motivation for the social good mindset. It shapes our thinking and guides our actions toward higher goals. When our purpose directs us toward social good, we become energized toward that pursuit. Therefore, we don’t look for reasons of why we can’t do something; we see only that we must do something.

Finally, the social good mindset doesn’t ponder the reasons for human existence, because it intuits the following answer:

“We’re here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise why else even be here?”—Steve Jobs

How many of the listed characteristics and beliefs do you embrace in your own life? What other characteristics do you think are important?

*Reference: Midlarsky, E., Fagin Jones, S. and Corley, R. P. (2005), Personality Correlates of Heroic Rescue During the Holocaust. Journal of Personality, 73: 907–934

Angela Irvin is motivational blogger with a background in psychology and philosophy. Her writings stress the themes of thought-awareness, personal development, and purposeful living. She holds a degree in Health Administration and is currently pursuing an additional degree in Clinical Psychology. You can read more of her articles at her blog, Chrysalides, or in the Happiness Community on Wellsphere.com.

7 Ways Travel Makes You FeelGooder

August 17, 2011 by Guest Contributor

This post is by Ryan Barton of Smart Marketing.

“So, what do you think the chances are that we’ll catch our flight?”

“When does it leave?” asks the border agent.

“4:30.”

“You’ll be spending the night here in London, I’m afraid,” he says, handing back our passports. He glances at the line behind us, “Next!”

My wife and Iook at each other and sprint towards the baggage carousel. One bag, two bags, three bags, go!

Pushing our luggage ahead of us, we navigate the crowded corridor between baggage claim and the train to Terminal 1.

There’s only one flight a day; we have to catch this flight, we have to get home.

Image is author's own

Out of breath, we stumble to the subway platform; there’s no train.

“When’s the next train?!,” I blurt to the attendant. She looks at her watch, “‘Bout five minutes.”

The train arrives. Travelers get off, travelers get on, doors shut, and we’re on our way.

If we miss this flight, we’ll find a hotel? If we miss this flight, we’ll sleep on the floor? If we miss this flight…

Six minutes later, the subway doors open and a young American couple frantically begins their race towards the next terminal’s elevators.

Three weeks in Europe, and we’re spending our last few minutes sweating through Heathrow.

We charge out of the elevators and locate our airline’s check-in desk in the distance. We check our baggage, move through security (belt off, hat off, iPad out, no security alarms, iPad in, hat on, belt on, go!), and slide into the aircraft before the doors shut behind us.

Finally in our seats, my wife looks at her sweating husband. “You may want to change your shirt.”

Travel is an investment

It’s been three weeks since we returned home from our whirlwind tour of Europe.

Sure, our time in Heathrow may have been the most exciting, heart-pounding leg. It may have challenged our comfort levels and sanity more than any other country did. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. What a story; what an experience!

And while we were sad to return home, I’ve personally never had so much clarity, peace, and happiness as I do now.

For you, travel is getting from Point A to Point B. For many, it’s a means to relaxation. And for others, it’s the simple thrill of seeing a new stamp in a passport book.

Whatever the reason, when travelling, you collect amazing, memorable experiences along the way.

Removing yourself from daily routines refines who you are; it’s something new. It sharpens you, removes the excess, and re-energizes your soul.

7 ways travel will enhance your life

Travel is more than scoring a tan and eliminating the bags under your eyes; that’s what your backyard’s for.

Here’s why I travel; seven ways I believe it makes you a better person:

1. Clarity

I’m a huge advocate for changing your routines. When we’re in “the grind,” we dig ourselves into such a rut we can’t see out.

By changing routines, you’re forcing yourself to ask why you’re doing what you’re doing; maybe there’s a better way of doing it.

Travel does just that. From the moment you land in a new city, your routines change. You’re not driving, you’re walking. You’re not hustling around the office, you’re admiring new scenery.

Personally, I ask if it’s worth doing in the first place. And by eliminating burdensome tasks, I enjoy renewed clarity.

2. Perspective

Back at home, my morning routine was simple — wake up, turn on phone, check email, check Twitter, shower, check email, check Twitter… Chances are, you know the cycle too.

While traveling, my phone’s turned off. And after three weeks of breaking that cycle, suddenly Twitter wasn’t all that important; spending time with my wife was.

Two years ago, we traveled through Cartagena — an amazing city of color and culture.

But like many cities, the poverty surrounding historic locales reminds you how fortunate you are to live where you live, eat what you eat, and sleep in the comfy bed you do. Suddenly, all those minute problems you stress about don’t seem so big anymore.

3. Culture

In my beloved suburb outside Los Angeles, you’ll have a hard time finding a building older than 20 years. We live in a “new” city, where anything older has either deteriorated or been rebuilt.

Contrast that with Barcelona’s Sagrada Familia—Gaudi’s famed basilica that’s still being built 129 years after the project started and isn’t scheduled to be completed for another 15.

The same goes for having dinner in a Parisian café at midnight, snorkeling among the kelp forests in Alaska, or walking through the throngs of pigeons in Venice’s St. Mark’s Square.

That’s culture, that’s collecting stories, and that’s the complete opposite of walking through your neighborhood big box retailer.

Experiencing another’s culture — their food, their lifestyle, the things they prioritize—adds to your cultural quiver; that’s something you can’t buy locally.

4. Inspiration

At home, inspiration is elusive. It certainly doesn’t come from 10 hours in a cubical or a noisy cafe.

So I take long bike rides at night, I enjoy fresh air on morning walks, I play with the dogs—anything that isn’t explicitly “work.” Because that’s when the best ideas come—when I’m able to think without distraction.

When I’m travelling, my mind is elsewhere; and yet, travelling kick-starts idea fires. I don’t plan on it, but without fail, I smuggle new ideas back into the country.

Sometimes it’s a photograph, sometimes it’s people watching, sometimes it’s observing an old-time business owner greet loyal customers by name, and other times, it’s just getting out of your day-to-day rut.

5. Delegation

Are you like me? You firmly believe the best and only way to do something is by doing it yourself. That makes it really hard to let go. My wife and I had the great fortune of taking a month off for each of the last two years.

She had to learn to let go and delegate the care of her kids—the dogs—to somebody else. Let’s not even get started with how (and how often) the house was cleaned.

I had to learn how to give proactive and detailed feedback to my assistant so Rhyno continued operating in my absence.

If we hadn’t traveled, we never would’ve been presented with those challenges. But since, we’ve grown, we’ve learned, and we’re ready for what’s next.

6. Relationships

As the old adage goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. That’s why travel is great for building strong, boundary-respecting relationships.

Professionally, I told my clients I’d be off the grid and travelling. That meant working together to ensure all projects were wrapped before I left.

Because when I left, I was gone. No amount of emails, phone calls, text messages, Twitter DMs or carrier pigeons was going to yield a response. The result? My clients respected my time away, appreciated me upon my return, and were eager to get back to work when the vacation veil was lifted; so was I.

But the same principle also applies to our personal relationships. Look beyond the romantic cliches and you’ll see the same is true for your family and friends. Who can you not wait to see? Who’s greeting you at the airport when you’re back in town?

You’ll soon remember why some people are in your life and what makes them so special. Those are the people who fill you up and enrich your life; everybody else simply drains you dry.

7. Confidence

Inherently, travel will force you to do something you’re uncomfortable with; it’ll challenge your comfort zones over and over again. But that’s how you grow and discover new confidence.

When we sprinted through Heathrow and still made our flight, we triumphed. That built confidence.

When I taught her how to snorkel in Hawaii, she struggled to breathe, but conquered it in just an hour’s time. Now, she’s a pro, looking to dive in any country we visit.

Embrace the portions of travel that make you say “if I can do this, I can do anything.” Those confidence-building experiences are precious.

Do you have a travel story?

Has travel made you a better person? How has it helped you grow in ways you didn’t expect? Or maybe you have other reasons you enjoy travelling.

Whatever the case may be, share your story below!

Ryan Barton is the author of “Smart Marketing” — a 169-page marketing blueprint for small business success. Follow him on Twitter, Google+, or subscribe to his blog.