This post is by Jennifer Brown Banks of Penandprosper.
Back in the ’70’s Helen Reddy sang “I am woman, hear me roar.” A testament to the awesomeness of women and a mantra to today’s movers and shakers. I am one of them.
Gifted by the divine powers to be fiercely female, and a soul-sistah to boot. Statistics bear out as well, that a disproportionate number of African-American women are the heads of households, and that we even out-earn our men. “We can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan!” Impressive perhaps, but at times empty.
No doubt about it, during my dating droughts, I learned to light my own furnace, mow my own yard, hail my own taxis, conquer my own demons, and enjoy my own company. And there was a great sense of pride in my independence and achievements.
But being in love, being part of a “successful” twosome, now that’s a real accomplishment.
Why?
Because it takes a lot of work. Because it requires a good deal of selflessness. Because it calls for maturity and compromise and commitment. Day in, day out. Because there’s no greater “sales pitch” than to convince someone to go the distance with us despite our dysfunctions, debt, and bad habits.
Don’t get me wrong. This is not to suggest that we seek soul mates merely to be validated, or to be whole, or to conquer loneliness, or out of pressure. Quite to the contrary; often when we are alone (as a result of a break-up, enjoying some “me time”, or pursuing a career or college), this “down-time” allows us to be singularly focused, renewed, and to assess our real needs and true identity.
But I wouldn’t want it as a permanent way of life. And you shouldn’t either.
Don’t believe the hype: freedom ain‘t all it’s cracked up to be. And a frozen dinner for one, after a long, grueling day ain’t all that appetizing!
Few things compare to good loving, folks. It never gets old. Billy Dee reminded leading lady Diana Ross of this with his infamous line in Mahogany, “Success means nothing without someone to share it with.”
Still not convinced? Consider the following:
- During these difficult times with an uncertain economy, unspeakable violence, threats of terrorism, unemployment, and other doom and gloom, love feeds the soul, warms the heart, and provides a sense of support, safe harbor, and nurturing. It’s the feel-good stuff that makes for box office hits and steamy best-seller books.
- Relationships can help save money. Think about expenses shared (rent, mortgage, two-fers, laundry, gas). And how about less money spent on whining, dining and wooing? (After all, savvy women recognize that the good, mushy, impressive gestures and gifts of suitors oftentimes end once we’ve been “captured“.)
- Research suggests that long-term relationships and marriage confer certain health benefits—like less stress, a lower rate of depression, lower blood pressure rate, and a lower rate of diabetes.
- Because love and healthy relationships increase self confidence and can make you feel invincible! There’s no greater high.
I could go on and on, but I think Barbara Streisand perhaps said it best: “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.” And who doesn’t like to “get lucky?”
Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, Pro blogger, relationship columnist, and incurable romantic. Her work has appeared extensively online at sites such as Daily Blog Tips, Technorati, WorkAwesome, Search Engine Journal and Divorce2Dating.com. She blogs at http://Penandprosper.blogspot.com/.
About Guest Contributor
People need people…it’s so true. Your post reminds me of the epiphany in the book/movie “Into the Wild”…happiness isn’t real unless it’s shared. Great post!
Oh, that’s a great connection.
So true, Jennifer! I think that it is in relationships (romantic, friend, family, etc.) that we have the ability to grow beyond our own world view.
Jennifer: Great post. I am all about realizing that you are complete and great regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship, but I totally agree with you that there are so many great things that come from having a great relationship. They really can be one of your best teachers and allow you to discover so much about yourself and what you need to learn. I really appreciated the list you shared … all very true.
Hi Jennfier,
Good post!
Love the Billy Dee quote. “Success means nothing without someone to share it with.” That is so true.
Relationships make the world go round. We are people who survive best when we have good relationships.
Thanks for sharing the health benefits. 😉
Evelyn Parham
Evelyn,
Glad you enjoyed it. Being “heart smart” is crucial for quality of life. Thanks for adding to the mix here.
Thanks, Wendy! I’ll have to check out that movie “Into the Wild”. Sounds interesting.
Rebecca,
Great input. Growth is so important. Thanks for your perspective.
Sibyl,
Thanks so much for your valued input and your time. Much appreciation!
Great post Jennifer!
I think with the overwhelming disparity in African-American men and women’s employment status this “problem” will only get worse. As African-American women rise up economically the “issues” in the “mating” community will only be magnified. Understanding that “being in control” can be a lonely place to be, because for most “power” couples sharing that power can be an extremely difficult challenge!
Looking forward to reposting this for my viewers!
Roland,
Thanks so much for the feedback from the male perspective. You bring up some excellent points here. I appreciate the exchange. Hope your readers enjoy it as well!
So true, Jennifer! You have this knack for helping us keep things in the right perspective. Thanks!
Thanks, Karen.
You have a knack for making my day. 🙂
Jennifer,
What you say is so true — and so important. Making a relationship work takes time (and plenty of it). My “Other Half” and I get along so much better now that we are both carving out more time from our busy schedules to spend time together in big ways and little ways. (We both work, and we have three little kids, so you can imagine our time challenges.) Keeping our marriage on our respective to-do lists makes us both happier (and our kids are happier too).
Have a fab day!
Nihara
Nihara,
How wonderful to hear this. Thanks for sharing!
Great reasons for seeking out love. 🙂 We are also social creatures, meant to share our lives, bring forth new life if possible, care for one another, etc. We’re supposed to grow roots and hand down tradition and family stories.
While I know from experience that you can be whole while single, I think I became a stronger version of my complete self after I met my husband. A solid relationship tests your maturity, commitment and willingness to compromise, as you mention in your post. And how do you know what areas of your personality need some adjusting if you aren’t tested every now and again, right? In addition, a good significant other will help you reach higher ground personally and professionally, not hinder.
Since no one can be “on” all the time, it’s sweetly comforting to have that supportive safe-harbor to come home to and be yourself with, accomplishments and insecurities laid bare.
Well, that’s it for my two cents. Be well.
Janette,
…Love your take on this topic. And you make some excellent points here. How true, “no one can be “on” all the time.” And what person in their right mind would wanna’ be?
Way too exhausting! Your two cents was very valuable. 🙂
Jen,
“Because there’s no greater “sales pitch” than to convince someone to go the distance with us despite our dysfunctions, debt, and bad habits.”
Sooooo true and well said. Many couples fail to realize that marriage and relationships aren’t only about making each other happy, but also about the responsibilities and sacrifice that come along with it.
Thanks, Andrea. I value your feedback.
All of the best parts of myself, I owe to being married. It’s made me calmer, less selfish, happier and more willing to be myself.
I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan, but I love that my husband is there to help me clean it up. 🙂
Amy,
You go girl! I hear ya’. 😉
Once again a well written and thought provoking post Jennifer!
I feel people are the real treasures in life. Having someone who complements you and makes you better is a blessing indeed.
Kembala,
You’ve said a mouthful. Thanks for this.
Great post Jennifer.
You paint relationships beautifully. Love has been on my mind a lot the past month, and you really inspire me to go out and find it.
Like you said: yes, there are good and yes there are bad. But that is life. And relationships just make life gorgeous.
Brandon,
Glad to be an inspiration. 🙂 And though it may be challenging at times, it’s well worth the pursuit! Wishing you much luck. Though I’m sure you won’t need it. 🙂
Thank you so much for this! I am single and want to have a mate. I am also an aspiring entrepreneur and pray to have much success with my business. However, as I sit here alone seeing myself doing what I love and being successful, I find myself saddened by the fact that I have yet to have that person to share this experience with. Very hopeful that this won’t always be the case. So happy I found this site & this post! 🙂
Tamara,
Just like you are praying for your business, pray for a mate. But also be willing for both of them to unfold when the time is right. In the meantime and in between time, enjoy where you are in life, and make the most of it!
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts here.
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