Starting School: Tips for Kindergarten Success

This guest post is by Tara Egan, D.Ed., a school psychologist who blogs at Do These Kids Make Me Look Crazy?

Back in August, my daughter started kindergarten. Despite the fact that I’ve always worked three days per week and my children (ages 3 and 5) have been enrolled in a highly structured daycare program, it was a huge adjustment for our family.

Because I’m a school psychologist, I always feel some additional pressure to have well-adjusted, well-behaved children. I suspect that parents and teachers are less likely to adhere to advice from a psychologist whose children are chronically naughty, demonstrate few school-readiness skills, or fail to complete home assignments on time.

Naughty? Or tired?

During the first two months of kindergarten, my normally energetic and cheerful daughter was . . . irritable. She bickered with her brother, was sulky during meals, and cried easily. Upon careful reflection, I came to the conclusion that my girl was physically and emotionally exhausted from the demands of kindergarten. Getting up early for five days in a row, navigating the social expectations of her peers, and balancing the demands of each of her teachers was taxing.

Because I’ve always felt it was important to prevent behavioral problems rather than to react to behavioral problems, I made some minor changes in our home. I found that she greatly benefited from:

• Going to bed much earlier. Prior to kindergarten, she typically went to bed by 8pm and needed no prompting to start her day by 7am. I quickly learned that her attitude and stamina were greatly enhanced by putting her to bed by 7:15 pm at the latest. This meant adjusting other aspects of our day, such as dinner time and bath time.
• Spending 20-30 minutes of ‘alone time’ in her bedroom after a busy school day. At first she balked at this, but eventually she adjusted to, and even enjoyed, spending some quiet time coloring or playing with her dolls. After exiting her room, she was typically more cheerful and responsive to adult direction.
• Having advance notice about schedule changes. For example, each day the students have a different “special area” class to attend: physical education, art, Spanish, library, computers, or music. In addition, on Thursdays she has dance class after school. Each evening we discuss the next day’s events, make sure we have the appropriate materials (e.g., her library book) and she has a chance to ask questions or express concerns.
• Acknowledging that she sometimes misses her preschool days. Days in which she spent time engaging in relaxing activities, such as playing at the park, watching a favorite television show, or playing dress-up with her brother. She also expressed envy that her little brother got to spend entire days home with me. In response, I made a point to spend 1:1 time with her each week, unencumbered by school tasks or sibling rivalry.

Be a good role model

Starting kindergarten was a big milestone for both all us. I graduated from being the mother of a preschooler to the mother of a school-aged child. She entered a world where her parent’s rules and routines no longer dominated. I fretted about her social and emotional adjustment, her physical safety (getting lost, specifically), and her academic readiness.

I suspect that my anxiety rubbed off on her. While I am an educator who thinks highly of public education and have never, in all my years of working in elementary schools, learned of an incident where a kindergartner has been lost or mistreated, I still worried about my girl. I hated that she was going to be spending more time with strangers than with me, her loving parent. And although I only recall speaking positively of school in the most chipper of tones, the fact that I called fifteen of my neighbors to find out if any of her neighborhood friends were in her class and obsessively shopped for her school uniform probably tipped her off that I was experiencing some emotional ambiguity.

I’ve since learned to be mindful of my words, my actions, and my overall demeanor. I’ve learned that if I’m calm and positive, she is much more likely to be calm and positive.

Be prepared

Once school starts, parents are immediately burdened with a plethora of papers to be read, permission forms to be signed, school-fundraisers in which to participate, and homework assignments to be completed.

No matter how bright your child, she/he will need assistance with homework assignments.

Plan to spend some time every evening focusing on your child’s school demands. Set this time aside, because there will be long-term benefits to your child observing you taking their academic career seriously. This is your opportunity to teach them to prioritize school above social engagements, extra-curricular activities, and the lure of television. Spending time each evening addressing these demands will decrease responsibilities on a hectic weekday morning. Your child is much more likely to have a positive day at school if he/she starts it off calm and prepared. This will also benefit you later, when your child is old enough to take over some of the more mundane tasks.

In addition, your child’s teacher will recognize and appreciate your efforts and respond to your questions and concerns (and overlooked permission forms) with enhanced patience and compassion.

Support the teacher

As a school psychologist, I’ve found that on occasion parents fail to view the parent-teacher relationship as an alliance. A child coming home with a ‘sad face’ on their daily sheet suggests that the teacher’s rules are too harsh, rather than a sign that their child may require extra behavior reinforcement at home. A child complaining that a teacher is ‘boring’ may be a reaction to the increasing demands that a child remain in his/her seat, rather than to an unimaginative teaching style.

While there are always exceptions, I’ve found that most teachers are well-versed in developmental milestones, have realistic expectations for student behavior, and are appreciative of respectful communication between home and school. Also, it’s important to remember that while you are an expert on the needs of your particular child, the teacher has the opportunity to get to know your child relative to the other kindergarteners.

If he/she expresses a concern or makes a point to provide effusive praise, it’s likely due to the fact that the vast majority of the other students in her classroom are not exhibiting that particular behavior. Take advantage of the teacher’s perspective when it comes to supporting your child’s performance in school.

And even if you have doubts about a teacher to the point where you feel it’s necessary to express them to the teacher or to an administrator, it may be wise to leave your child out of the discussion. The bottom line is, she/he is your child’s teacher and must be treated respectfully. Sending your child the message that he/she does not have to adhere to an adult’s expectations is not likely to have positive results, either in the short-term or the long-term.

Encourage an age-appropriate amount of independence

Prior to entering school, it may have been appropriate to assist your child in completing tasks such as buttoning their pants after using the bathroom, opening a yogurt container, or packing up the necessary materials before an outing. But as the school year progresses, encourage your child to be more independent. Make sure that you are encouraging her to sharpen her own pencils, tie her shoes, and place essentials items in her backpack.

In addition, insist that your child use more advanced social skills: making eye contact when speaking to an adult, telling a waiter what he prefers to eat at a restaurant, and complimenting others. It may be helpful to practice these skills via role plays in order to increase your child’s competence. The more independence your child displays with regard to daily life skills and age-appropriate social skills, the more comfortable he/she is going to feel in the school environment.

I’d love to hear from parents out there whose family is experiencing the excitement of enrolling a child in kindergarten. I realize that many readers are from different parts of the world—some may be mid-way through the school year, while others are easing their way into a new school year. What tips can you share?

Tara E. Nusz , D.Ed., is a school psychologist who works in a public school outside of Charlotte, NC. She also blogs at Do These Kids Make Me Look Crazy?. Although Tara has to be very serious-minded at work, her blog completely disregards this in favor of “finding the funny” in her roles as mother, wife, and friend.