This post is by Jennifer Brown Banks of Penandprosper.
For today’s woman, there seem to be messages daily (both subliminal and overt) that suggest that we don’t quite measure up.
For example: the commercials that convince us to lose weight, strive for bouncier hair, or transform ourselves through make-overs. Messages that, like the army’s slogan, command us to “be all that we can be.”
My goal at this stage of the game? To “be all I can be” before 10 p.m.
Men reportedly don’t have it as bad. According to Artofmanliness.com, they tend to have inflated egos, rather than low self-esteem.
Meanwhile, for the woman of color, it gets even tougher, as our lifestyles, diet, divine design, and body dynamics differ from other groups.
As further proof of the pressure put on African-American women, I’d like to point out a recent survey, published in Psychology Today. It sought to convince us that women of color were deemed less attractive than other cultures, according to some reported “findings“.
Really? Have you seen Beyonce? Tina Turner? Janet Jackson? Tyra Banks? Halle Berry? Michelle Obama? Hello?! (And if this is true, why is it that other groups sometimes strive to emulate our features and fabulousness through lip injections, tanning, and other procedures?) In fact, the assertion was so absurd that I wasn’t offended. I chuckled and moved on.
But, I wasn’t always this way.
There used to be a time, in my younger years, that every slight, every criticism, every rejection, was personalized and had me doubting myself and trying to “fix” whatever had been pointed out as a shortcoming.
To add insult to injury, I often felt the need to justify my actions to others, and prove myself at great lengths and with great expense to my emotional, mental, and spiritual health.
But age brings about wisdom, folks!
I now realize that true beauty can’t be bought in a bottle. That, as Eleanor Roosevelt stated, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
And the pay off? I have less stress. Fewer migraines. A good blood pressure rate. More peace of mind. More focus on things that really matter.
And you can too, (whether you’re a man or woman) if you heed the following:
- Recognize that we are all flawed and limited by our human nature. We have little control over genetics, mother nature, or father time.
- Recognize that self-esteem is a do-it-yourself project. Nobody can give you self worth; it comes from self acceptance and the knowledge that no one else is like you in this whole world.
- Recognize that self-esteem is like a coat of armor that shields you from harsh blows and assaults on your soul and your psyche.
- Recognize that perfection should never be a personal goal; instead, strive for excellence.
Yep, the better you feel about yourself, and the more at home you are in your own skin, the more you can exist in a state of liberation and peace. And that truly is a groovy and beautiful kinda’ thing.
Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, Pro blogger, relationship columnist, and incurable romantic. Her work has appeared extensively online at sites such as Daily Blog Tips, Technorati, WorkAwesome, Search Engine Journal and Divorce2Dating.com. She blogs at http://Penandprosper.blogspot.com/.
About Guest Contributor
If we’re not angry, then we’re ugly. Sometimes we’re angry because we’re ugly, and ugly because we’re angry. I saw the furor over the article in Psychology Today on the attractiveness level of African-American women and I had to chuckle as well. Black folk have been the subject of “scientific inquiry” since we got here. I look past the madness of what the media deems newsworthy and check in with myself. Is my self-esteem always high? No. sometimes it hovers around my knees. Other times it soars. I embrace the beauty that comes with aging–letting go of someone else’s notion of beauty is and choosing to define what it is for me.
Well spoken, Stephanie. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and shedding some light.
You go girl! Whenever I’m feeling a bit insecure about my looks, I rely on two no-fail strategies to make myself feel better:
1. A long workout at the gym; and
2. Listening to “Who Says” by Selena Gomez. (My favorite lines: “I’m no beauty queen, I’m just beautiful me.”)
Keep feeling gorgeous, Jennifer:)
I’ve totally put tolews over the pee! I found you on the Friendly Friday Blog Hope! I’m your newest follower! I hope you will come check me out!! http://www.whenwereathome.blogspot.com
Hi Nihara,
“You go girl” right back at ya’! I’m a firm believer that “beauty is as beauty does”.
And you are certainly “sittin’ pretty” as far as I can see today. 🙂
Thanks so much for your uplifting words and your courage to say what’s on your mind.
Be well.
I think women of any color are beautiful, and I think that it’s ridiculous to insinuate otherwise. Just shaking my head over this one…
I’ve always tried to remember that “Beauty is as beauty does”. Great points, Jennifer! Thanks for bringing up the real side of this conversation!
Thanks, Karen. I couldn’t agree more. From one beauty to another. 🙂
Awesome post! It is so true when you quoted Eleanor Roosevelt. The only true control we have over our lives is the ability to determine our attitude at any given time in any situation. No one can dictate that but ourselves.
Thanks for this post, I’m sure many people will be inspired by it. I know I was.
Craig,
What a wonderful response! Thank you so much for your feedback. I’m honored to be an inspiration. Enjoy your week.
You are so right that perfection should never be your goal, because as the crazy article in Psychology Today exemplifies, everybody’s definition of perfection is different, and sometimes it’s different from day to day.
I agree that wisdom comes with age; it’s not easy, but I’m learning to accept my imperfect self a little more as I get older. Although, completely contrary to the point of your article, if I woke up tomorrow and looked like Beyonce, I don’t think I’d complain too much. 🙂
Amy,
Thanks for adding to the mix here. You made me laugh with, “If I woke up tomorrow and looked like Beyonce, I don’t think I’d complain too much.” Amen to that, girl! 🙂 I hear ya’.
Self-esteem is so much more than evaluating our physical appearance. I realize that my-self encompasses so much more….I heard about that article in Psychology Today and was a little saddened by the fact that such a well-known vehicle was willing to publish such an article. There is beauty to be found in all races, nations, and tribes!
Over the years I have learned to appreciate me and to understand I may not always measure up to someone else’s standards. I am loving my-self and valuing my-self more and more thanks to my God! I have really started to make some lifestyle changes that are going to help me to continue feeling good about myself, physically, mentally, and spiritually!
It’s my hope that we can all take better care of ourselves, on the inside and out, and motivate and encourage others to do the same as well!
Thanks for the post! It made me think of how far I’ve come over the years in terms of my self-esteem.
Kendra
Kendra,
Great feedback. I applaud you on your journey to wholeness. I’m a firm believer, that for women, it’s much better to be “well-rounded” than “rounded well.” 🙂
Thanks for taking time to weigh in today.
If we would just turn off the TV, open history books and actually formulated a thought for ourselves, we wouldn’t be having these issues. None of this is new. Society has come up with more intelligent ways to degrade groups of people and we let them – collectively and individually. Low self-esteem couldn’t exist on such a huge scale if we stopped listening to what other people tell us we should be and caring about what others think of us.
No argument here. Thanks for your thoughtful input, Marcie.
Hi Jennifer,
This is one lovely post! I couldn’t agree more. You pointed everything out. The result on the survey has made me question its reliability. In fact, there are actually many colored women in the world that I really admire and a few you did mention.
Moreover, I specially love the 4 points you cited, because it has given me the affirmation that should have been planted long before in my heart.
Once again, thanks for sharing this! Kudos!
-Floricel 🙂
Florice,
This is one lovely response! Thank you for warm words of appreciation.
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