This post is by Jennifer Brown Banks of Penandprosper.
A few weeks ago, I got a surprise email in acknowledgement of my birthday. Needless to say, I was touched. Not only because it was two weeks early, but because it came from a friend I’ve known since eighth grade. She and I met as two awkward teenagers chosen for a “gifted students” program, many moons ago.
Decades later, and amidst all the frenzy and fanfare that is life, this friend still remembers. Not long after that connection, I enjoyed a birthday celebration by hosting a festive get-together in my backyard, that combined good food, good spirits and good company.
My “peeps” and I laughed and ate until our bellies ached! The evening was rounded out by Karaoke and the popular line dances, as we all sought to prove that we “still had it. “
These fun folks have shared my life and forged fruitful memories since 1994, as our alliance was “divinely ordained”—all creative artists that met on the arts scene, initially traveling in some of the same circles.
As I blow out the candles signifying another year of abundant blessings, I count my friends among them. You see, as I get older, I realize just how treasured they truly are. In fact, Emily Dickinson states, “My friends are my estate.”
Believe me. When you’re younger, a fickle, fair weathered friend, may fill the need for bar hopping, shoe shopping, or sharing gossip. But as life unfolds, and takes on more depth and requires more emotional demands, you’ll need to upgrade your line of friends as well.
For this reason, it’s crucial to invest quality care in choosing quality friends. Moreso than choosing your wardrobe, choosing your investments, or choosing a car.
Truth be told, it’s one of the most important decisions you‘ll ever make to impact your quality of life, other than whom you’ll marry. Why? Because when done right, friends become like our extended families. They serve as “shock absorbers” amidst the many bumps, bruises, and near collisions on the path of life.
When done right, they keep our secrets “til death do us part.” They support our dreams, hold our hands through life’s tragedies, tell us the truth, even when we don’t want to hear it, and embrace our silliness. Most importantly, they accept us for who we are—flaws and all!
It’s an important role, and one not to be taken lightly. Even the Bible expounds upon the importance of friendship in several chapters and verses. With this in mind, here are five irrefutable laws on friendship.
1. Lovers come and go, but good friends are forever
Treat them accordingly. Many times when we are in the throes of a new, hot romance, our friendships are placed on hold, and even taken for granted. Then when the “honeymoon stage” is over, or there is trouble in paradise, our friends are the first folks to help us pick up the pieces of a broken heart. Learn proper balance and prioritize properly.
2. Trust is a must
Like most relationships of a personal nature, trust is crucial to bonding, emotional intimacy, and quality communication. I once heard a woman say that she wouldn’t trust her attractive “friend” to be around her husband. Huh? What kind of friend is that? Heck, what kind of husband is that?
3. Even though friend is a “common” noun, not everyone defines it the same way
I learned this the hard way when former “friends” didn’t share my views on keeping their word, operating honestly, or having personal accountability. Make sure that you’re on the same page with your pals. It reduces drama, hurt feelings, and potential ugliness.
4. There is great truth to the adage, “People that gossip with you will gossip about you”
I personally dig folks that share the “Gospel” as opposed to sharing gossip. And you’ll find that typically those that talk maliciously, repeatedly behind others’ backs don’t have a “life”, or enough substance to sustain quality relations. Steer clear.
5. To have a good friend you have to be a good friend
It’s a no-brainer. Think of it as part of the reaping principle. You give what you get.
Keep these five tips in mind in evaluating future and past friendships. There’s no disputing, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”
Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, Pro blogger, relationship columnist, and incurable romantic. Her work has appeared extensively online at sites such as Daily Blog Tips, Technorati, WorkAwesome, Search Engine Journal and Divorce2Dating.com. She blogs at http://Penandprosper.blogspot.com/.
About Guest Contributor
Happy Belated Birthday Jennifer!!! People are the real treasures in life. That’s for sure. Number 5 is golden. 🙂
Hi Jennifer:
Wonderful post.
You know, in this busy writing, career world of ours, it’s nice to know that “outside” that word, there are friendships that are paramount to our livelyhood.
Also, I love the references to the Bible.
Steve
Hi Kembala,
Thanks so much! How true, “People are the true treasures in life.”
Hey Steve!
Great to hear from you today. Yep, I often cite from it; the Bible is the ultimate source of enlightened living. 🙂
Thanks for stopping by!
Lots of truths here. Sadly, it takes many of us–myself included–some years to internalize these truisms. But how freeing it is when we finally get it!
I can attest to the need to let go of fickle, fair weathered friends. As I got older, my desire for an emotional connection with girlfriends intensified, and the “friends” I did have were unable or unwilling to fill that role. It was worth the short time I spent standing alone because one must do just that at times to invest in stronger, fruit bearing relationships.
And I hear you about the gossip thing! I like to say that if someone is going around burning everyone else, what makes me think I’m fireproof?
Great post, Jennifer.
I love that last line! Hello?
Well, Janette, at least we’re “friends” online. And I value your continued support and sense of humor, girl. 🙂 Be well.
I have two friends who have taught me of the strength and beauty of friendship. We have lost family members, folded eachother’s laundry and divulged some of the most vulnerable parts of our lives. One even attended the homebirth of my second child. They are my definition of friendship and my life is even more beautiful because of these two women I call my friends. Thank you, Jennifer, for offering the opportunity to stop and think them.
Rebecca,
What a lovely testament to the gift of friendship. Sounds like you’re blessed like I am. 🙂
I appreciate the feedback.
I enjoyed reading this blog post. I liked your thoughts but the one that stuck out the most was the one about gossip. I never thought of gossip in this manner. It is certainly true. People who don’t mind gossiping are usually insecure and want to find reasons to make themselves feel bigger.
Hey Jennifer,
Your list had some good points. Unfortunately I am not the most successful person in this area, not in the part of making friends but in the part of making quality friends and sticking with them.
I believe most of it is my fault – I am not such an easy guy to deal with.
Other than that, if I may, I would just like to add that sharing wisdom with your friends and helping them grow is something that in the long term, I believe, will make people realize how good you are as a friend.
It is important that you let them get to know you, something I am not the easiest guy to.
Cheers!
Hugo,
Kudos to you for your candor and accountability. In the words of Dr. Phil, “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.”
With this being said, it’s never too late to start anew. Just about everybody has redeeming qualities. What are yours? Identify them and allow others to embrace them.
There are also a lot of self-help books available on the subject.
Wishing you the best!
Hi Eric,
Glad to shed some light by sharing my perspective. 🙂 Gossip had its place as a high-schooler, and perhaps even into young adulthood, but after that it’s really kind of pointless. It’s kind of like “junk food” for the soul.
I also believe that what we say about others says a lot about who we are. 🙂
Thanks for adding to the discussion.
I like your comparison in the comment above — gossip being “junk food” of the soul. Absolutely true. Not simply without value, but potentially damaging. Well said.
Thanks, Cynthia. I value your input.
This is so true. Good friends cannot be bought but yet are a priceless treasure. I think I need to call a few of mine today!
Hi Karen,
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your point of view. Enjoy your day.
Amen to Number 3!
Great post Jen – beautifully written and quite moving. Thanks for reminding me of the value of good friends.
“Are we going to be friends forever?” asked Piglet. “Even longer,” said Pooh.
Andrea,
Pooh. How cute…this made me smile. Thanks.
Short and sweet. Thanks, Stephanie.
Yeah, to have a friend you must be a friend. For some reason, it seems that is no longer the case in this new millennium.
Thanks Jen for those thoughts. I am so glad you had a wonderful birthday.
Highly energetic article, I liked that bit.
Will there be a part 2?
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