Worry seems like it’s part of the human condition. At any time, we have plenty to worry about, whether they’re big issues, or small. And many of us have literally no idea how to actually stop worrying.
Epicureus, who knew a thing or two about stopping life's worries
What techniques do you use to stop worrying?
I recently began a practical philosophy course with the Melbourne School of Philosophy. I’ve learned a lot there, but one of the most valuable things has been a technique to stop worrying.
The technique is, when I’m worrying about something, to pause and ask myself the question, “What would a wise person do here?”
The question acts as a circuit-breaker. It helps my whirling thoughts to pause for just a moment, while I imagine a wise person, and think about what they might do or say to me if I asked them about my worries.
Of course, this technique also allows us to tap into our own innate wisdom: I find the supposed deferral of responsibility actually allows me to consider other, perfectly valid options I wouldn’t come up with if I was busy worrying.
This technique doesn’t need to help me find an actual solution to my worry to be successful, though—it’s the fact that it breaks the cycle of worry that’s important. Most of the time, we don’t need a solution to our worries—often there is no actual solution. We simply need to stop our thoughts from spiraling out of control.
How do you stop yourself worrying? I’d love to hear your tips in the comments.
About georgina
I stop and visualize the ultimate fear I’ve been supporting at a nearly unconscious level, and seriously consider how likely it is to come to pass. Example: trouble at work hits me hard because I fear being unemployed with no income. When I actively examine those fears (rather than reactively, as I do when I worry), I realize that it’s unlikely to come to the worst-case scenario. Unemployment insurance is a likely benefit, I’ve got good job skills and am very employable, I’ve never been out of work for long, and I have a good family support structure.
It also helps to acknowledge that worrying does no good; once I put even half the energy into positive measures that I had previously invested into worrying, I had it beat.
All these things made it possible to turn away from the soul-eroding pain of constant worry, which is after all just a bad habit. Once you figure out how to slow it down, you can break that cycle to a significant degree.
Hey Tom,
Thanks for the thoughtful comment — those are great techniques for breaking the cycle of worry which is, as you say, just a bad habit 🙂
Thanks again,
Georgina
I like what Tom said as well.
What i usually do is stop and take a deep breath. I say to myself, “Would you rather keep worrying, or be happy?” I always would rather be happy. “So how do you get there?” Just forget what I’m worrying about. It doesn’t matter.
I usually need to do this four or five times before I can kick the thought out of my head, but it works.
Epicureus – a man after my own heart! One of my favorite things to do is preventive action. I surround myself posters like the ubiquitous “keep calm & carry on” and “everything is going to be ok” Sounds cheesy but it serves as a constant reminder to me not to get my undies in a twist about things that are beyond my control. — it’s like advertising to myself 😛
When I’m already in a fix though – I return to CBT training and map out the issue. “Is this something I can control?” What is the worst possible outcome for this course of action? Can I deal with that? How likely is the worst possible out come? How likely is the best possible outcome ?” etc.
I always try to remember that worries are what they are: emotions. The world still goes on, whether we’re afraid of something or not, so better not to disturb ourselves and start doing something useful. In other words: emotions can make us see things differently and real strong emotions make us see things in a wrong way.
Interestingly, that sounds a lot like cognitive therapy – it’s really focused more on thought stopping and interrupting habits than dwelling on things or trying to dissect them. Sometimes, worry is just useless, and you have to derail it.
Gotta love the Greeks, though. Wasn’t it Hippocrates who said most mental illness could be prevented by a hot bath and a glass of wine?
I stop and breath. Then I break it down, can I do something to change what I am worrying about? If I can, then I ask myself what I can do. If I can’t then I rely on my fathers philosophy, Don’t worry about what you can’t change! Then I go play in the backyard with my kids.
For me, philosophy of the wisest person in history still falls incredibly short of the peace that my faith provides. I’ve experienced so much in my life to know that the best always happens when I let go…and let GOD.
Below are two of my favorite scriptures to turn to when situations arise that could bring about worry:
Philippians 4:6-7
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Proverbs 3:5
“Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;”
Hey 🙂
Thanks for these great suggestions! Plenty of food for thought here — pretty sure I’ll be trying some of these myself 🙂
Georgina
If you are worrying, then likely your attention is on a future that hasn’t happened yet. I’m pretty sure you have other things to deal with ‘right now’. Just bring your attention back to ‘now’. It works for me.
I feel there is no technique (and I guess there should not be any ). Key thing is awareness and being present. All these fear, worry etc comes from judgement. If one could look at your feeling (which comes out of worry , fear etc) with awareness and without any judgement, the same should dissolve. Other thing thing is to have trust in own self and intentionally choose to take action (however small) which can make you feel better. Taking deep and conscious breath will definitely help.
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