I received a text from my mother the other day. She was chuckling over the little spat I’d just told her about that came off the back of hubby and I moving house.

We’ve been back and forth about what items to keep, what should go where, and what should be thrown out (interestingly, I always think his belongings should be thrown out, while meanwhile he earmarks only my things for the trash). Anyway, that’s besides the point, and was to be expected.

“Ha … step two of married life!” read my mother’s message. “Compromising!”

I assume she means that the honeymoon period is over and now we’re getting down to real married life business. The compromise.

Learning to cut a deal is an essential part of a healthy relationship.

Plenty of people hate the idea of compromise. They like things to go their way. They don’t see why they shouldn’t. Maybe you were just born stubborn (like my Taurean husband) or maybe you’re used to getting what you want (hello, boardroom managers and Generation Y*).

Well, it’s simple. There are two of you in a marriage. Both have your own completely valid opinions, and both have your own ideas of what constitutes an ideal outcome to any given situation.

There is definitely an art to compromising. Remember—the very definition of the word means that you should both be happy with the end result. It doesn’t mean that someone constantly gets steamrolled into something they don’t want to do. And it doesn’t mean that you grudgingly give in to your partner and then resent them.

Compromise is not about winning or losing. It’s about workability. And it’s about caring about how your partner feels and wanting them to be satisfied, not debating a point for the sake of it.

Keep talking

You’re each entitled to your own opinions—about anything from whether to eat Thai food for dinner down to how your children should be educated. Which means you are also entitled to voice that opinion—ideally, in a calm and civil manner.

Giving your partner the silent treatment while secretly fuming is not productive. Not telling them what you want and then giving them the silent treatment is certainly not helping either.

Keep the lines of communication open and honest and make sure you both get heard. Remember to use “I” statements and not accusing “You” statements.

Pick your battles

Ask yourself: are you just arguing over the small stuff through force of habit? Does it really matter whether your underwear gets folded a certain way? (Something I compromised on years ago after I realised my very particular husband likes things done the way he likes them done and that my sub-standard underwear-rolling was upsetting him. True story.)

Save yourself for the things that you really do care about.

Be sure you’re square

If you have to debate the pros and cons, make lists, or hash it out over a few sessions, do that. But regardless of how long it takes you, make sure you’re both happy and there’s no resentment lingering once you’ve made a decision. Be clear to your partner that you want them to be happy. They should want the same for you.

What do you think about compromise? Are you good at it? Any tips to share?

*I myself am a Generation Y, so please don’t think I’m Gen-Y-bashing! You know as well as I do that we’re used to the good life.

This post is by Kayla Albert of ConfessionsofaPerfectionist.

When it comes to relationships, each of us carries our fair share of misconceptions. One of the most prevalent misconceptions is that the bond we share with out partner is most easily cemented by spending more time together.

This may be true on some levels. After all, studies have shown that sharing unique experiences with someone else makes us feel a deeper and stronger connection to them. But, given that we are separate and unique individuals, I would suggest that spending time apart is just as important.

Once we’ve been with someone for a significant amount of time, it becomes easy to meld into them, to make their happiness our goal, to take on their hobbies, and rely on them when it comes to making decisions. We seek comfort and once we’ve found it, we become fearful of losing it.

Unfortunately, this can easily lead to resentment and a loss of self down the road. So how can this situation be remedied or avoided altogether? By staying committed to our own personal growth and spending time with ourselves.

Here are some tips to help you do just that.

Have separate hobbies

Having hobbies you participate in as a couple is a great way to relate to your partner on another level, but that doesn’t mean you should abandon your individual hobbies all together. In fact, participating in activities on your own, without your partner, gives you something to talk about when you do come back together.

In addition, these outside interests can boost your self-esteem by leaps and bounds, which can change the way you show up in your relationship.

Spend time with your friends

If you’re lucky enough to have a few great friendships, then most likely the connections you have with these individuals is extremely different than what you have with your significant other—and all are extremely important for your peace of mind.

Abandoning your friends once you start a relationship can make you feel isolated and alone—even if your relationship is spectacular.

Learn to love being alone

A significant portion of the population loathes being alone. Unfortunately, being uncomfortable with being alone can lead you to make relationship decisions based on the fear of being left. If you can learn to appreciate the time you spend with just yourself, you are essentially bringing a more whole version of yourself to your relationship.

Learn to do things alone that you would have never imagined doing before. Go eat in an upscale restaurant. Go walk around a museum. After working through being uncomfortable, you’ll feel liberated—I promise.

Take time to reflect

When you’re constantly on the go, you likely aren’t taking the time you need to check in with yourself. Reflect over your life, and notice what’s working and what isn’t. Create a list of what you’d like to see in your life and come up with goals to make it happen.

If you’re taking time out to tend to your own personal happiness, you might inspire your partner to do the same, resulting in a better relationship for both of you.

What tips can you add to the list? I’d love to hear them!

Kayla Albert is a freelance writer, blogger, and firm believer in living life deliberately. You can find her at: http://confessionsofaperfectionist.wordpress.com

Most people, by the time they’re grown, have experienced at least one heart-break in their romantic life. You know: the gut-wrenching kind that leaves you scarred for life.

After being hurt so badly, it can be hard to think of moving on. Sometimes you may think you’ll never get over your lost love.

While it may take time, once you think you’re ready then go ahead and get yourself back out there. Here are some handy tips to help:

1. Be brave

Just because you’ve been hurt before, doesn’t mean you should stop seeking relationships. You will need to let your guard down eventually. Love does hurt sometimes, but other times it’s amazing.

A great relationship will blend the both beautifully into one long journey—although, in a great relationship, the ups will far outweigh the downs.

2. Work out what you want

I believe you should learn something from every relationship and sit down and work out what you want from your next one. What will the relationship look like? What sort of qualities will your new romantic interest have?

Something amazing happens when we write goals down. The universe manifests to help us along and get our needs met. Just be careful that you don’t make your tick-boxes too specific. It’s not: “He must have blue eyes, blonde hair and be an architect.” Think more like: “Kind, family values, laughs a lot.”

Once you’ve written it down, put it away and forget about it. Chances are, you’ll find your list years later and realize it is a very accurate description of your new love!

3. Be your own person

When you do start dating again, don’t be one of those people who forgets about all their friends and gives everything up for their partner.

Keep your own hobbies, and try not to see them seven days a week. As exciting as falling in love may be, you don’t need to be attached at the hip.

If you are, you’re setting up patterns for failure later in your relationship—no one can maintain that level of contact with someone. And your friends won’t be happy, either, if you ditch them every time someone new comes along.

4. Have fun!

Take the opportunity to try new date ideas, push your comfort circles a little and explore new things. If you’re having a lot of fun on your dates, there will be barely any time to get nervous about it!

What tips can you add from your experiences moving on after heartbreak?

This post is by Jennifer Brown Banks of Penandprosper.

Back in the ’70’s Helen Reddy sang “I am woman, hear me roar.” A testament to the awesomeness of women and a mantra to today’s movers and shakers. I am one of them.

Gifted by the divine powers to be fiercely female, and a soul-sistah to boot. Statistics bear out as well, that a disproportionate number of African-American women are the heads of households, and that we even out-earn our men. “We can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan!” Impressive perhaps, but at times empty.

No doubt about it, during my dating droughts, I learned to light my own furnace, mow my own yard, hail my own taxis, conquer my own demons, and enjoy my own company. And there was a great sense of pride in my independence and achievements.

But being in love, being part of a “successful” twosome, now that’s a real accomplishment.

Why?

Because it takes a lot of work. Because it requires a good deal of selflessness. Because it calls for maturity and compromise and commitment. Day in, day out. Because there’s no greater “sales pitch” than to convince someone to go the distance with us despite our dysfunctions, debt, and bad habits.

Don’t get me wrong. This is not to suggest that we seek soul mates merely to be validated, or to be whole, or to conquer loneliness, or out of pressure. Quite to the contrary; often when we are alone (as a result of a break-up, enjoying some “me time”, or pursuing a career or college), this “down-time” allows us to be singularly focused, renewed, and to assess our real needs and true identity.

But I wouldn’t want it as a permanent way of life. And you shouldn’t either.

Don’t believe the hype: freedom ain‘t all it’s cracked up to be. And a frozen dinner for one, after a long, grueling day ain’t all that appetizing!

Few things compare to good loving, folks. It never gets old. Billy Dee reminded leading lady Diana Ross of this with his infamous line in Mahogany, “Success means nothing without someone to share it with.”

Still not convinced? Consider the following:

1. During these difficult times with an uncertain economy, unspeakable violence, threats of terrorism, unemployment, and other doom and gloom, love feeds the soul, warms the heart, and provides a sense of support, safe harbor, and nurturing. It’s the feel-good stuff that makes for box office hits and steamy best-seller books.
2. Relationships can help save money. Think about expenses shared (rent, mortgage, two-fers, laundry, gas). And how about less money spent on whining, dining and wooing? (After all, savvy women recognize that the good, mushy, impressive gestures and gifts of suitors oftentimes end once we’ve been “captured“.)
3. Research suggests that long-term relationships and marriage confer certain health benefits—like less stress, a lower rate of depression, lower blood pressure rate, and a lower rate of diabetes.
4. Because love and healthy relationships increase self confidence and can make you feel invincible! There’s no greater high.

I could go on and on, but I think Barbara Streisand perhaps said it best: “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.” And who doesn’t like to “get lucky?”

Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, Pro blogger, relationship columnist, and incurable romantic. Her work has appeared extensively online at sites such as Daily Blog Tips, Technorati, WorkAwesome, Search Engine Journal and Divorce2Dating.com. She blogs at http://Penandprosper.blogspot.com/.

So, I’ve had a long week. I won’t bore you with the details—suffice to say my husband and I bought a new house and have been painting and moving all week… And I never want to see another box for as long as I live.

When I am a bit flat, there’s nothing like a bit of romance to perk me back up again. I was feeling so great while watching this video that I thought I might share it in the hopes of making you smile too. Go watch it—I’ll wait here…

Grand gestures of love like these are beautiful. They don’t happen every day, which makes them very special. They take something that is usually private and only between two people—intimate, romantic love—and scream it from the rooftops.

To see someone go to that much effort for love—well, it gives everyone hope that true love really does exist.

The little, everyday things that go into love and relationships are just as special, of course. The cup of tea your partner brings you in bed in the mornings, your favorite chocolate bar they bring home at the end of the day. A lovely hug. All those are important too. But they’re also evidence of a completely different thing—a sign of caring between two longterm partners, usually.

These flamboyant shows of love are also wonderful, and they are the quintessential representation of love in its early stages: loud, impulsive, and energetic. Simply magic!

While that video is an extreme example, there are many great stories out there to share. What’s the best grand gesture of love you’ve ever seen … or experienced?

This post is by Jennifer Wagner of Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology.

When children begin to approach their teenage years, parents often begin to lose the closeness they so cherish. Friends become extremely important in the lives of teens—so much so that parents can have trouble carving out any quality family time anymore.

What can you do if this is happening to you? Your teenager is much more apt to find time for conversation if you can talk about his or her likes. Keep up with current teen trends—specifically your teen’s favorites—and it will open up doors to a whole new type of bonding.

Here are five tips for connecting with your teens.

Television

Instead of complaining about the amount of TV your teens are watching, start watching some of their favorite shows—especially the types that lends themselves to discussion. For six years, my teenage sons and I spent hours weekly having the best talks about the ABC series Lost. With all the mysteries and mythology, it was the perfect show for family viewing.

Books

Series work best, because the discussions can go on and on. The Harry Potter series can start in childhood and be read through the teen years.  This series brought my family together for years. Moms and daughter can definitely bond over the Twilight series and older teens and parents should definitely get on board with the hot new series, The Hunger Games.

Music

Parents already have a head start since both of our generations have a common love of rock music. However, you may think you are going to hate many of the other genres of music your teen tries. You don’t have to like them, but always be willing to give their music a try. My son turned my husband and I on to an indie group called Portugal. The Man. It turns out that they sound very much like The Beatles and we are now big fans.

Gadgets and technology

If your teens prefer text messaging to phone calls, learn how to text. If they prefer instant messaging to email, learn to IM. Communicate with them the way they are used to communicating and they will be much quicker to respond.

Video games

Do you keep up with new advances in video games and the games your teens like to play? Do you play any games yourself? Even if you can’t play the heavy duty RPG (role playing games) or fighting games, why not get some exercise, dance, or trivia games you can play with the family? Even playing games on Facebook or mobile apps will give you something to discuss with your teens.

These suggestions are not going to keep your teenagers from wanting to spend most of their time with their friends. However, when they are home, they might be more apt to come out of their rooms because they can look forward to fun things to do and talk about with you. What tips can you add to this list from your own experience? I’d love to hear them in the comments.

Jennifer Wagner is the creator and author of the blog, Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology.  She also has a second blog, My Recommended Websites, contributes articles to Technorati, Blogcritics, and the Yahoo Motherboard, and is a Lifetime Mom.

This post is by Ali Luke of Aliventures.

You’ve got dreams for the future. Maybe they seem a very long way off—you want to own a yacht some day. Or they seem far-fetched—you want a six-figure salary. Or they seem like a lot of hard work—you want to be a doctor.

Whatever your dreams are, it’s worth thinking about the motivation behind them, because so many of us end up chasing the wrong dreams, for the wrong reasons.

What dreams are you working towards? What do you secretly wish for? Keep those dreams in mind as you read on…

It’s not about the money

I want to kick off with this one, because I know a lot of people (me included) find it easy to dream they’ll “make six-figures” or “be a millionaire”. But really, money is a bit of a disguise for what we really want.

When I dream about having lots of money, it’s not because I want to see a huge figure in my bank account, or because I want to have stacks of notes under my mattress. I don’t want money for the sake of the bits of paper, coins, and numbers—and I’m sure you don’t either.

Money is only useful because of what it can get us. I don’t know exactly what money represents for you, but perhaps it’s one of these:

• Security: never lying awake at night worried about the bills
• Opportunity: being able to take off on a round-the-world trip
• Freedom: not being tied to a day job
• Luxury: being able to have things which make you feel special and pampered.

None of those are bad or wrong things to want. The fact is, though, that just “making lots of money” isn’t necessarily the fastest way to get there.

If you really dig deep into the motivation behind your desire for money, perhaps you’ll find that what you really want is freedom—you’d be much happier if you quit your job, worked in something you loved, and actually had less money as a result.

Money can be a more problematic dream, though, when it’s tied up with motivations like:

• wanting to impress people – maybe your parents or your friends
• feeling that you won’t be “successful” until you’re rich.

Where do these dreams come from? They’re not really you, are they?

Chase your dreams, not someone else’s

I’m sure you’ve felt under pressure at some point in your life to live up to someone else’s dreams for you. Perhaps your dad wanted you to go to medical school, or your mom pressured you to get married and have kids.

The thing is, your motivation needs to come from inside, not from the outside world. You are the only person who can decide how to live your life—and you are the only person who can say what “success” really means for you.

I’ve struggled to let go of dreams that I held for the wrong reasons. For a long time, I was convinced that my life would somehow be magically perfect if only I could get a novel published, by finding an agent and then a publisher. Over the past few months, I’ve realized that this wasn’t really what I wanted. (And I wrote about letting go, in Why I’m Giving Up On My Dream.)

I wanted to get my novel published by a big publishing house because:

• that’s what most writers seemed to want (I heard a lot of people talk about the same dream), so I figured I should want it too
• I thought it would impress my writing friends.

Those aren’t good reasons for having a dream, though.

Maybe you’re thinking that one of your dreams is a bit like that. It’s something you’ve clung to because you thought it’d make other people happy, or you thought you “should” want it.

Is it time to let that dream go?

What’s your real dream?

This probably isn’t something that you can answer in a couple of minutes, but I’m hoping it’s something you’ll think about over the next few days.

What’s your real dream?

Deep down, what is it you’d really like to do? Who would you really like to be?

You might not find those questions easy to answer. Maybe you don’t think you have a dream, or maybe your dream doesn’t seem like it’s big enough or exciting enough—or it’s too big, and it scares you.

Your dream is perfectly valid—whether you want to climb a mountain, raise a family, write a novel, or simply live a quiet life.

So long as it’s your dream (not one that someone else has pushed on you, and not one which you’re holding in the hopes of impressing others), then it’s fine to want it.

If you’re feeling brave enough to share, or if you want a place to brainstorm, jot your thoughts in the comments box below and let us know what you’re dreaming of…

Ali Luke blogs about writing and life over at Aliventures. If writing is one of your dreams, check out her post Eight Secrets Which Writers Won’t Tell You.

Breaking up is more than just hard to do. It’s physically painful. Scientists who have been putting dumpees into brain scanners have found that the same part of the brain lights up when they feel physical pain as when they see a picture of their ex-partner.

So now we can see why people who are experiencing an unwanted break up report feeling like they’ve been “kicked in the stomach” or “knocked sideways”.

I know that during my last breakup, I spent many an hour nursing my solar plexus, which felt like it had gone six rounds with Mike Tyson.

The feelings during a break up are a mixture of grief and something akin to breaking a drug habit. That is, you’re reliant on and addicted to what you get from your partner. Once they’re taken away, you go into a withdrawal, heavily salted with the stages of grief.

Grief for the person you lost, grief for the future you’d been planning. Suddenly everything has to change. You have to readjust your five- or ten-year plan—sometimes you had your whole life with a person planned out.

You go through all the stages of grief—the denial (it’s a break, not a break up) and then anger, fear, depression … and finally acceptance.

It’s no wonder we can’t just get on with life straight away. Everyone goes through a break up at their own pace. It’s okay to be sad.

Here are a few tips on getting through the process.

Be realistic

Don’t put your ex up on a pedestal. Know that they’re just one of many people who will be a good match for you—the fish in the sea metaphor is a good one because it’s true. Of course, in your addiction-addled state you won’t believe this for a while. Keep it in mind until you do.

Accept it

You can’t keep thinking you’ll get back together. Your own grieving process will move quicker if you can accept that it’s over. It’s not just a break, it’s a break up. Remove reminders of them and minimize your contact, especially early on in the break up process.

Put yourself first

This is a better time than ever to pamper yourself and take care of your own needs. Get to know yourself again, as some people may experience a little identity crisis after being part of a couple for so long.

Keep yourself clean

Turning to addictive habits to cope is not a good thing. You’re very vulnerable in a break up state, and even things like too much caffeine can blow out anxiety to full scale panic-attacks. Don’t binge on alcohol, drugs, food, or caffeine. You’re only adding to your problems.

Get a support network

…Preferably of single friends! Reconnect with people you haven’t seen in a while, and hang out having fun with other singles. It will give you hope that there is life after your break up.

How do you get through a break up?

This post is by Alexis Bonari of College Scholarships.

From what my dad says, getting me to help in the kitchen was like pulling teeth.

Although the film Ratatouille inspired me during college to try my hand at French and Italian cooking—and now can’t keep me from the kitchen—the first few lessons there were the hardest. I’d never learned them in a family environment! Teaching children early on the rewards of helping out in the kitchen will not only prepare them for the future, it will create fond memories of the past.

Eight reasons to cook with kids

Here are eight reasons to cook with kids—and a few ways to make it work.

1. It’s fun

Generally speaking, younger children want nothing more than to be with their parents. Take advantage of this glued-to-your-side phase and show them that helping in the kitchen can be both fun and rewarding. This way, when they’re older and they can take a more active role in helping around the kitchen and the house, they’ll be happier to do it.

2. Clean hands

Teach children the importance of hygiene early in life (as early as age two). To this end, try buying or making natural, vegetable-based soaps in the shapes of animals to make the activity fun. Also, consider buying nice ribbons or elastics to encourage children to tie their hair back in the kitchen; alternatively, spend some parent-child time together by braiding each other’s hair.

3. Math skills

Teach children simple math by using measuring tools or even counting the number of ingredients that go in a bowl. For older children, fractions and conversions (i.e. two half cups equal one whole cup) will come in handy in math class.

4. Green habits

It’s the perfect opportunity to teach children about the importance of organic eating and why pesticides can harm both them and the environment. If given this knowledge early on, children will be more likely to take better care of their bodies during school lunches, after school, and even during college when you can’t be around 24 hours a day.

5. Say “no” to stereotypes

Go ahead and invite both your son and your daughter into the kitchen. Kick those gender stereotypes under the refrigerator and teach your kids that, no matter their sex, they’re both going to have to cook for themselves when they leave the house for college.

6. Responsibility

Teach children accountability from an early age by asking them to clean up after themselves, put dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and put away clean dishes into the cabinets—whether or not you’re around when the mess is made. Reward them with a fun activity when they clean up without being asked. This way, they’ll clean up after their rowdy high school parties when you parents go away for the weekend…

7. Multi-tasking

Yes, Johnny and Jane take twice as long to set the table and stir the bowls as you do, but consider this: you’re helping them learn lifelong lessons in a matter of minutes. Of course, this heart-warming logic doesn’t compute every evening, so try this: delegate jobs to children they can perform while you’re doing something else. In example, they can still set the table, but have them do it while you’re chopping vegetables instead of waiting until dinner’s out of the oven.

8. Self-esteem

Lavishing children with praise is only going to do so much for their self-esteem if they don’t get their hands dirty every once in a while. Standing side-by-side with a parent in the kitchen, contributing to a family dinner, or making a PB&J all by themselves are great ego-boosts.

8 Ways to Cook with Kids

1. Give each child a different task each time so no one is stuck with a task he or she doesn’t enjoy.
2. Reward children for helpful behavior with activities rather than food (which can later develop into eating disorders in some cases). Go see a movie together, read in bed, spend extra time at the park, or visit the ferrets at Petco on the way home from school.
3. Even though some children may be too young to handle a knife, try giving them a plastic or metal butter knife with which to cut up strawberries, bananas, cheese, and other soft foods.
4. A child as young as two can spread marinara sauce on pizza dough.
5. Have children arrange vegetables on mini-pizzas to make faces.
6. There’s something oddly therapeutic about peeling potatoes. Leave this job for an older child who’s been taught to use a peeler safely.
7. The same goes for watching a bowl of inconsistent, eggy mush turn into a smooth paste. Let younger children (around four or five years old) use a spoon and older ones (pre-teens) use hand-mixers.
8. Instruct children to wash or scrub produce before using them in a dish. This is the perfect opportunity to talk about germs, pesticides, and the importance of organic food for human as well as the planet’s health.

Do you get your kids into the kitchen? I’d love to hear your tips below.

Alexis Bonari is currently a resident blogger at College Scholarships, where recently she’s been researching the best college application essay tips as well as looking at various college grants by degree. Whenever she gets some free time, she enjoys doing yoga, cooking for fun, and practicing the art of coupon clipping.