Another celebrity marriage has bitten the dust this week, with the announcement of J.Lo and Marc Anthony’s split.

Headlines around the world are proclaiming the couple fell victim to the clichéd Seven-Year Itch, which scientists revealed a few years back to be nothing more than “we’re bored with our marriage.”

In further alarming statistics, there has been a spike in younger couples (under 30s) who aren’t even making it past the four-year mark in their marriages—the media last year coined the “three year glitch” for these attention-deficit couples who seemingly decide to splash out on a white wedding with all the trimmings, then up-and-leave when things don’t go their way.

If you’re not willing to compromise and you still have time on your side, there’s no compunction for Generation Y when it comes to divorce.

Certainly, our modern society has no stigma attached to divorce. So we have this new trend of practice marriages—”starter marriages”, which are a dry run for the real marriage that will come later in life.

Except it’s not a dry run. It’s the real thing.

You’d think the easier option for the warm-up would just be to move in together without signing the papers, pledging commitment, and making your family buy you expensive towel sets and fancy toasters.

But you have to ask yourself: is marriage really so difficult that you can’t last more than 36 months before contemplating divorce?

Are couples weighing up the pros and cons far too late? Shouldn’t you be sure before you walk down the aisle?

And once you have wed, shouldn’t you do everything in your power to try and make it work before divorcing? Is three years a long enough time to say you really gave it your best shot?

There are obvious exceptions—cheating, lying, abuse are all valid reasons to end a marriage.

But studies showing that couples are more annoyed by their partner’s weight gain and spending habits are what really get me. These aren’t marriage-dissolving issues, surely?

Author Christine Meinecke has hit the nail on the head with her book Everybody Marries the Wrong Person. Every marriage will move from infatuation to disenchantment, she says. And there is no “right person” out there. Marriage cannot succeed without mature love, which is self-responsible.

“Self-responsible spouses do not try to change their partners. Instead, they focus on managing their own insecurities and dark moods, expectations and reactions.”

What genius. Don’t blame someone else for your problems. Be self-aware and be prepared to self-improve. This will obviously work only if your spouse is willing to do the same.

Marriage is hard. I don’t think anyone goes into thinking it will be easy. And you only have a marriage just as long as you’re both willing to work at it. But that’s the point of marriage. That’s exactly what you’re committing to do—work at it, no matter what.

What do you think about three-year marriages? Are couples less willing to try and make it work these days?

This post is by Jennifer Brown Banks of Penandprosper.

A few weeks ago, I got a surprise email in acknowledgement of my birthday. Needless to say, I was touched. Not only because it was two weeks early, but because it came from a friend I’ve known since eighth grade. She and I met as two awkward teenagers chosen for a “gifted students” program, many moons ago.

Decades later, and amidst all the frenzy and fanfare that is life, this friend still remembers. Not long after that connection, I enjoyed a birthday celebration by hosting a festive get-together in my backyard, that combined good food, good spirits and good company.

My “peeps” and I laughed and ate until our bellies ached! The evening was rounded out by Karaoke and the popular line dances, as we all sought to prove that we “still had it. “

These fun folks have shared my life and forged fruitful memories since 1994, as our alliance was “divinely ordained”—all creative artists that met on the arts scene, initially traveling in some of the same circles.

As I blow out the candles signifying another year of abundant blessings, I count my friends among them. You see, as I get older, I realize just how treasured they truly are. In fact, Emily Dickinson states, “My friends are my estate.”

Believe me. When you’re younger, a fickle, fair weathered friend, may fill the need for bar hopping, shoe shopping, or sharing gossip. But as life unfolds, and takes on more depth and requires more emotional demands, you’ll need to upgrade your line of friends as well.

For this reason, it’s crucial to invest quality care in choosing quality friends. Moreso than choosing your wardrobe, choosing your investments, or choosing a car.

Truth be told, it’s one of the most important decisions you‘ll ever make to impact your quality of life, other than whom you’ll marry. Why? Because when done right, friends become like our extended families. They serve as “shock absorbers” amidst the many bumps, bruises, and near collisions on the path of life.

When done right, they keep our secrets “til death do us part.” They support our dreams, hold our hands through life’s tragedies, tell us the truth, even when we don’t want to hear it, and embrace our silliness. Most importantly, they accept us for who we are—flaws and all!

It’s an important role, and one not to be taken lightly. Even the Bible expounds upon the importance of friendship in several chapters and verses. With this in mind, here are five irrefutable laws on friendship.

1. Lovers come and go, but good friends are forever

Treat them accordingly. Many times when we are in the throes of a new, hot romance, our friendships are placed on hold, and even taken for granted. Then when the “honeymoon stage” is over, or there is trouble in paradise, our friends are the first folks to help us pick up the pieces of a broken heart. Learn proper balance and prioritize properly.

2. Trust is a must

Like most relationships of a personal nature, trust is crucial to bonding, emotional intimacy, and quality communication. I once heard a woman say that she wouldn’t trust her attractive “friend” to be around her husband. Huh? What kind of friend is that? Heck, what kind of husband is that?

3. Even though friend is a “common” noun, not everyone defines it the same way

I learned this the hard way when former “friends” didn’t share my views on keeping their word, operating honestly, or having personal accountability. Make sure that you’re on the same page with your pals. It reduces drama, hurt feelings, and potential ugliness.

4. There is great truth to the adage, “People that gossip with you will gossip about you”

I personally dig folks that share the “Gospel” as opposed to sharing gossip. And you’ll find that typically those that talk maliciously, repeatedly behind others’ backs don’t have a “life”, or enough substance to sustain quality relations. Steer clear.

5. To have a good friend you have to be a good friend

It’s a no-brainer. Think of it as part of the reaping principle. You give what you get.

Keep these five tips in mind in evaluating future and past friendships. There’s no disputing, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.”

Jennifer Brown Banks is a veteran freelance writer, Pro blogger, relationship columnist, and incurable romantic. Her work has appeared extensively online at sites such as Daily Blog Tips, Technorati, WorkAwesome, Search Engine Journal and Divorce2Dating.com. She blogs at http://Penandprosper.blogspot.com/.

It’s easy to take things for granted sometimes. We don’t mean to, but it can naturally happen—it’s the path of least resistance, after all.

But a little bit of appreciation goes a long way between sweethearts.

I just watched this beautiful documentary about Sally and Sam, which left me in tears but also made me very grateful that my husband and I both have our health, and each other.

Image courtesy stock.xchng user theswedish

If you think you could probably do with giving your partner a little extra gratitude, here are three beautiful ways to show your partner you really do appreciate having them around.

1. Thank them

Just because your partner makes dinner every night or mows the lawn every month, doesn’t mean you can’t thank them for it. Even if it has been their job for the last twenty years, even if they got up to the baby during the night just once and you’ve done it a hundred other times, thank them!

Thank them sincerely, and thank them often.

2. Compliment them

Stop for a moment and pay your partner a compliment—let them know you notice them. Perhaps you love that color blue on them, you like their new haircut, you think they give great hugs. Whatever it is, lavish them with a compliment … or three!

3. Do something lovely for them

Take time out of your day to do something just for your partner. It may be as involved as cooking their favorite three-course meal and serving it by candlelight, as cosy as giving them a shoulder rub, or as simple as bringing home a tiny present you know they’ll love.

Do you appreciate your partner as abundantly as you could? What’s your favorite way to show your appreciation?

This post is by Nihara of Doing Too Much.

For a while, my daughter was coming home from preschool completely distraught and dejected. “Nobody wanted to play with me,” she would report day after day. Her sad little words crushed me. I imagined my lonely baby girl, sitting in a corner with no one to keep her company as she painted on canvas or built towers out of wooden blocks.

When I reached out to my daughter’s teacher to share my worries, she assured me that my little girl was playing “beautifully” with many of the children in the class. Her teacher even began emailing me a daily report, telling me exactly who my daughter played with each day. I finally realized that there was nothing particularly bad about my daughter’s days at school. The problem was one of perception, not reality.

My little girl was spending all of her time focusing on the minor slights that are part and parcel of preschool life, and not enough time cherishing the happy parts of her day. We humans all suffer from exactly this same tendency, says positive psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman. In his new book, Flourish, he writes that “[w]e think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right in our lives.” Analyzing negative events can sometimes be helpful for personal development, Seligman acknowledges. But he argues that “people tend to spend more time thinking about what is bad in life than is helpful.”

Changing your mindset with the what-went-well exercise

We can’t press a button and magically create a happier life. But we can feel happier by changing the way we look at our lives. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of our days, Seligman explains that we can teach ourselves to “get better at thinking about and savoring what went well.”

He recommends the ridiculously simple “what-went-well” exercise. All you have to do is reflect daily on three things that actually went well that day and why they went well. You don’t need to find three big or important things (like a promotion or a marriage proposal). Just think about three positive events, however small or simple (like making it to work ten minutes earlier than usual, or having your favorite sandwich for lunch). Seligman claims that if you stick with it, you’ll probably be “less depressed, happier, and addicted to this exercise six months from now.”

So what does all of this have to do with the story of my sad little preschooler? Well, after unsuccessfully trying a few different tactics for cheering her up, I decided to test-drive the “what-went-well” exercise on my four-year-old. We called it the “three good things about your day” game.

Before she left to school in the morning, I told my daughter that she needed to find three good things about her day at school, like getting a good color at the play dough table or hearing a nice song at circle time. Even if she was having a really bad day, she still had to report three good things about her day (in addition to sharing her troubles).

The very first time we tried the “three good things about your day” game, my daughter returned home from preschool positively exuberant. She excitedly listed three good things that had happened to her before I even had the chance to ask. The “good things” were all very simple (like the fact that she and her best buddy painted on side-by-side art easels), but they made her beam from ear to ear. What was amazing was that she didn’t stop at just three good things. She had five happy things to report that day.

We continued the game until preschool ended last week. The same child who was coming home from school dejected and distraught was suddenly delighted and eager to share the good news of her day. Nothing about school had changed. The only thing that was different was her mindset.

The moral of the story is that you too have the power to have a happier life, just by focusing on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative.

What three things went well in your day today?

Nihara is (slowly) figuring out how to make the most of her time and her life—and you can too. Read Nihara’s thoughts on how to live a better, saner life at Doing Too Much.

Reading this heartfelt and honest piece by Kylie Ladd on Mamamia.com.au last week, I remembered something that I had long-forgotten from when my husband and I did our pre-marital education course a few years ago. Ladd talks about the restrained family upbringing her husband had, and how it has impacted his emotional connectedness with her today.

It’s called Family of Origin theory: the family that you are raised in impacts enormously on the person you turn out to be. Your habits, your emotional expression, your way of interacting with loved ones … right down to how you sort your cutlery drawer, even (spoons to the left, thank you very much).

The idea is that each person brings with them into a relationship their own idea of how a family operates, based on what they’ve had ingrained in them over the years. This can prove problematic if two different systems start to clash.

Different attitudes, value systems, rules, customs, and taboos may cause friction between partners, or may turn out to be so hardwired that they prove hard to change, even if you want to.

If you are starting your own new family together—whether that’s just two of you, or it involves children—it’s worth talking it over first to make sure expectations are managed and any potential sticking points can be sorted out early.

How to talk about it

The exercise we did was a great way to get on the same page about what life was like for each other in our childhoods. It involved a huge sheet of butcher’s paper each and a few colored markers. We divided our sheet up into eight panels by making folds.

If you’d like to play along at home, here is what each of the eight panels featured:

1. Family Tree: Draw your immediate family tree, showing your parents, you and any siblings you have.
2. Communication: Write down some key points about what communication was like in your household. Was it quiet and calm or energetic and chaotic? Were you listened to? How was affection demonstrated?
3. Roles: What role did your mother play? Your father? You? Your siblings? Was everyone happy with the roles they played?
4. Family Values: What were some overarching family values? Some examples from the sheet I have kept include generosity, striving for excellence, care, and respect. Also ask: Was appearance important? Were possessions important?
5. Conflict: How was conflict managed in your household? Was there yelling? Was there silent treatment? How quickly was it resolved?
6. Rituals and Culture: When was family time? Did you go on holidays often? Was dinner always at the table? How were Easter, Christmas, and other events treated? Was there close community that you socialized with as a family? Any cultural traditions that were observed?
7. Money: What was the attitude towards money? Did you feel financially secure? Who was in charge of the finances? What did money get spent on, as a priority? Were you aware of any money problems?
8. Education and Work: Was education important? What about higher education (College/University)? Were good grades encouraged? Were your parents happy at work? Was job satisfaction emphasized?

Sit down separately and answer all these questions on your sheets, then bring them together so you can talk about them. After each panel, ask each other what you like and would like to keep for your own relationship and family, and what things you intentionally would like to change.

It turned out that my husband and I come from families with very similar family values and traditions, but the way each communicated was completely different. It definitely shows in our own interactions—Denis doesn’t back away from conflict at all; in fact he kind of seems to enjoy it. I prefer to keep quiet and mull over problems rather than get them out there. Our upbringings in regards to money, among other things, are also extremely obvious.

You may be surprised at the new level of understanding you gain of your partner after doing this exercise.

Do you and your partner come from similar families? Share similar values?

This post is by Jennifer Wagner of Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology.

Reading can be a very enjoyable and entertaining activity, not to mention educational. If your kids have not realized this yet, what can you do to help them?

The huge growth in Young Adult literature gives teens so many more reading choices than they’ve ever had. I wrote about this trend in Have Young Adult Books Become More Popular and Respectable?

With so many more books geared toward the teen and tween age group, there has got to be something that even the pickiest reader can enjoy.

Let your kids see you reading. Even better, read a young adult book that they might like. Many recent YA book series, such as Harry Potter, Twilight, and The Hunger Games, have been just as popular with adults as they have been with teens and tweens. Young adult books are beginning to be read by a wide range of adults, not only parents, teachers and librarians. So there should be many books that you can enjoy as much as your teens. If your teens pick them up, you can have great discussions about the books.

What do teens and tweens love to do more than almost anything else? Socialize. They spend a great deal of time online on social websites. There are many social websites for teens that revolve around books and reading. If they read about books that their peers love, teens will be much more apt to give them a try themselves. Sites I like include:

• Teenreads.com
• TeensReadToo.com
• Reading Rants

To only read books that have been assigned from school makes reading seem like a chore. To read a book because you heard good things about it or the description sounds great is so important to enjoying it. My whole family still discusses the Harry Potter books together to this day. We are now reading The Hunger Games series. I love having a family that enjoys reading.

Does your family love to read?

Jennifer Wagner is the creator and author of the blog, Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology.  She also has a second blog, My Recommended Websites, contributes articles to Technorati, Blogcritics, and the Yahoo Motherboard, and is a Lifetime Mom.