Happiness is a Lit Candle

December 8, 2010 by

This post is by Alisa Bowman of ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com.

About a year ago, I was in a dark and dreary place. I was feeling bruised by the various publishers who’d rejected my book proposal, envious of authors who’d landed bigger deals than I had, angry at various people who didn’t seem to be supporting me in the way I would have liked, and fearful that readers would call my book worthless, boring or something much worse.

I was bathing myself in nearly every negative emotion a person could feel.

Then one night, while at my Buddhist meditation class, I began thinking about the concept of Karma and whether I really believed in it. As I mulled it all over in my mind, I had a very selfish thought. It was this: If I perform as many acts of good karma as I can during the next year, will it get my book on the bestseller list? I will admit that a creepy smile came across my face as I set out to create a Karma Bestseller.

I stopped killing bugs. I stopped gossiping—as backbiting goes against Buddhist beliefs. And every morning, I declared the following intention for my day: I will spread happiness.

I spread happiness by being kinder to my husband. I spread happiness by telling people how awesome they are. I spread happiness by mentoring any writer who asked for my advice, help or expertise.

I did it by giving money to people who seemed to need it. I did it by sending people sappy cards in the mail. I did it by listening to anyone’s problems. And I did it by comforting anyone who needed comfort.

One time, for instance, I listened as a young writer told me that she could not get over her fear of rejection. “I know I need to query magazine editors, but I don’t think I’m good enough of a writer yet,” she said. I told her that I would give her a $100 gift card if she were able to amass 100 story rejections within a month. “You can’t lose,” I told her. “Either you’ll get $100 or you’ll end up with more assignments than you can handle.”

By month’s end she had 30 rejections and five assignments. I gave her the gift card anyway.

Recently, several people questioned my sanity. They couldn’t understand, for instance, how I could devote an hour out of my day to mentoring a writer without charging that writer a fee. Some asked, “What’s in it for you?”

“There’s nothing in it for me,” I responded. “That’s the whole point. It wouldn’t be an act of good Karma if I expected something in return.”

And that’s when I realized that I no longer cared about my original goal. I was no longer trying to game the Karma system and use it to get my book on the bestseller list.

Let me be clear. I would not be disappointed if my book became a bestseller. I would not shed a tear if it sold a million copies. And I would not have a molecule of sadness anywhere inside of me if I were able to prove wrong all of the people who did not initially believe in me.

Still, this Karma Project of mine is no longer about the bestseller list or about my book at all. Now, the Karma Project is about one thing and one thing only: lighting candles.

Somewhere along the way I realized that joy does not come from money. It does not come from fame. It does not come from recognition. It does not come from awards. It does not come from seeing one’s name on a bestseller list. It doesn’t come from having an editor love one’s voice. It doesn’t come from getting oneself on prime time TV. It doesn’t come from 5 star Amazon reviews.

No, joy comes from doing good. It comes from knowing that you’ve touched so many people that, were you ever on your deathbed, those very people would hold lit candles and they would wish you health and happiness.

I am no longer in a dark and dreary place. These days—most of the time—I am happy, peaceful, and content. And whenever I do experience a moment of negativity, I think about those candles.

And then I set out to light more of them.

Alisa Bowman is the author of Project: Happily Ever After, which tells the story of how she went from wishing her husband dead to falling back in love. Find out how to enter the Fabulous PHEA Giveaway to win a Kindle, a stay at a B&B, marriage counseling, a vibrator and more with proof of purchase of Project: Happily Ever After. You can learn more about Project: Happily Ever After at ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com. Watch the trailer and get a sneak preview into the book.

How to Leverage Your Passions to Bypass the Entry-level Job

December 7, 2010 by

This post is by Kirsten, the polymath behind Multi-Passionate Productivity.

Image courtesy of http://gapingvoid.com/

When I arrived in Atlanta to start grad school, I had no job and no connections in the city. What I did have was a grad program that had offered me work study funding, a supremely eclectic background and an interest in several very specific fields within public health. Within two weeks I had applied for ten jobs, interviewed for a couple, and was selected for my top choice, despite what many would call the handicap of having multiple passions on my resume.

This is an essential skill for a multi-passionate person, since—let’s face it—even if you’re entrepreneurially inclined, it’s likely that you’ll find yourself working for someone else at some point during your life. Since this theme came up a few times in the comments on my last Feel Gooder post, I thought I’d take the opportunity to elaborate on exactly how us renaissance men and women can turn our passions into an asset in the job market.

Emphasize broad, transferable skills.

My future employer wanted someone with experience in GIS and quantitative research, which I didn’t really have. But he also wanted someone who could redesign his website, which I definitely could do—and not only could I do it, I’d taught myself the skills I needed to do so. That ability to teach myself and learn quickly was what I emphasized in my cover letter, along with my web skills and the little bit of modeling experience that I did have.

Your future employer probably isn’t going to care that you spent three years learning to create poison dart frog habitats at the zoo, but they’ll be interested to know how well you were able to teach the school groups that came through the exhibits. They also might want to know about the aesthetic skills you picked up in designing the habitats, your ability to find unusual items for the displays, and the organization and budgeting skills that it took for all the habitat pieces to arrive at the same time and to the same place.

Those are the skills you want to highlight on your resume and cover letter—and trust me, your future employer is not going to look at a poison dart frog habitat design position and immediately think, “Oh, he must be good at teaching, organization, and aesthetics!”

Establish your creativity and ability to learn.

Make sure that your resume and cover letter shine with creativity. Your future employer is going to value your ability to make connections and come up with innovative ideas, so make sure they’re on full display. If your passions include web design, consider building a website to showcase exactly who you are. Susan from www.susanhiresaboss.com has a brilliant example of this tactic.

Your self-display also needs to make clear your ability to learn. Your future employer doesn’t expect you to necessarily come to the job with all the skills you need, but they will expect you to learn quickly. Showcase past jobs where you’ve had to pick up new skills, or examples of times where you’ve taught yourself something new.

Find something related, and move toward your passion.

Okay, I’ll admit that it’s not likely you’ll be hired for a job designing poison dart frog habitats without some relevant background experience designing for other amphibians. But that doesn’t mean that all hope is lost! Start with a job at the zoo, perhaps as an intern teaching visitors about the exhibits. I can hear you now: “Isn’t that the definition of an entry-level job?” Well, sort of, but there are two key differences.

One, your entry level job as an intern gives you the opportunity to interact with the exhibit curators, maybe grab the opportunity to design an educational display or two, and generally learn all about and show your enthusiasm to people who may well be in a position to move you somewhere better suited to your passions. And two, your entry-level job is not permanent. You’ll be leveraging it to find something better suited within months. If you take an entry-level job as a ticket seller at the same zoo, you can bet you won’t have those sorts of opportunities for either learning or advancement.

In my case, I picked a position that would transition into what I was interested in learning about. I started by doing a month or so of web design work and now I’m working in the areas I initially wanted to learn about.

Be selective.

If you’re going to follow your passion, you don’t need to apply for every job you’re remotely qualified for. That’s just a recipe for wasted time and wasted passions. Start first by deciding which passions you want your job to focus on, then structure your searches through that lens. Apply for the positions you find the most interesting and that give you the greatest opportunities to grow and expand. Leave the rest for someone else.

Note that I’m assuming you have some income stream here. Clearly if you’re out of work you won’t be anywhere near as picky, though a lot of what I’ve said in this post can still apply to your situation. Also, take the job for what it is—an income source while you look for something else, not a job you’ll be working at for the rest of your life.

Customize your resume and cover letter.

This one’s a bit of a no-brainer, but nothing sounds as polished and genuine as the cover letter written specifically for your future employer. If you have a personal connection to your future employer, highlight it. Instead of taking a previously written letter and swapping out specific sentences, have a draft letter with bullet points that you build up each time you find a position that you’d love to fill. That way, the language will always be fresh and you’ll never have to worry about accidentally leaving references to Company X in your letter to Company Y. Your resume can be a boilerplate, but before you send it in, think about which of your skills and previous experiences are best suited for this position and move them to the top.

In my case, I’d spoken with a particular professor about six months before I applied to work in his research group. At the time, he recommended a class sequence which I subsequently signed up for, and I put that fact front and center in my cover letter. That was something I couldn’t have said for any other job I applied for in those few weeks, and it added an extra layer of customization to my cover letter.

Show your enthusiasm!

You’re interested in this job because you’re passionate about it, right? Let that show! Enthusiasm can carry you over the edge into a hire when your skills may or may not be up to par. Don’t be afraid to use words like love, passion, learn and opportunity. My enthusiasm has gotten me into jobs I really had no business filling.

I’ll be honest, my job now is pushing me in ways I didn’t anticipate. I’m having to rely heavily on my ability to learn quickly and make connections, and there are days where I wonder if I may finally have bitten off more than I can chew. On the whole, though, I’d much rather be struggling and learning in a job that I’m passionate about than sitting on the outside without a job, or with a job that I’ve mastered and grown bored with. My enthusiasm is still as strong as the day I sent in my cover letter, and my supervisor knows it.

So if you’re multi-passionate and looking to find a new job, take a look at your resume and cover letter writing habits in light of this post. If you’ve used any of these techniques (or others) in the past, I’d love for you to leave a comment and tell us about them. And of course, when you use these ideas to land yourself a job that you think is fascinating, come share your success!

Kirsten is the polymath behind Multi-Passionate Productivity, and she’s also a full time graduate student working with two research groups and running two and a half businesses in addition to MPP. Go here to check out her blog on productivity and organization for multi-passionate people, or join the crowd following the Interactive Novel project over at Written Insight.

7 Ways to Increase Personal Satisfaction in Your Adult Friendships

December 6, 2010 by

This guest post is by Tara E. Nusz , D.Ed., a school psychologist who blogs at Do These Kids Make Me Look Crazy?.

This morning my daughter told me that her best friend is a girl named Sarah. When I asked her why Sarah is her best friend, she answered, “Because we both have the same sneakers!”

I should probably mention that my daughter and her “best friend” are five years old.

image by lucasbite

They haven’t yet developed unrealistic expectations about interpersonal relationships. They’ve never defined themselves by whether their mother-in-law likes them, or how many positive reviews they’ve received from a supervisor, or whether all 306 of their Facebook friends acknowledged their birthday.

Once I exited my school years, I quickly realized that developing friendships as an adult is entirely different from fostering friendships in a high school or college setting.

As an adult, the opportunity to become acquainted with others is more limited. Sure, you might meet some interesting people in your work environment, but you’re also hampered by the need to meet deadlines, navigate professional alliances, and maintain professionalism.

Our interactions with others tend to be fraught with purpose; serving on the same committee at church, working together on a new project, or supervising a new employee.

And when we are lucky enough to form a friendship with another adult, sometimes it may feel as though this new relationship is not as emotionally satisfying as those from our childhood. Why is that? What can we do to increase our personal satisfaction with our adult friendships?

1. Recognize the positives in others and spend time with them in environments that allow them to shine.

Think of about some of your friends. What are some traits about them that you adore? My friend Rick tells hysterical stories at parties. Kathryn is a supportive friend, particularly when times are emotionally hard. Lisa is my only friend who will honestly tell me which clothes flatter my figure when we go shopping together.

Those are fantastic qualities. But expecting these positive traits to transcend environments and circumstances is unrealistic. While Rick may be a fantastic storyteller, he also tends to be a poor listener in a one-on-one conversation. So instead of being disappointed when I try to tell him about my rough week at work and he tunes me out, I stopped pouring my heart out to him.

Kathryn is very supportive, but tends to fade into the woodwork while in a group. Instead of being embarrassed by her lack of charisma when I attempt to introduce her to new friends, I try to set aside time for just the two of us.

Lisa is a fantastic shopping buddy, but her boisterous personality can be a little overwhelming when we spend more than two or three hours together. Therefore, we continue to enjoy shopping, but I decided not to invite her on an annual camping trip.

It’s not fair to expect all friends to be appealing in all circumstances. You’ll both just walk away disappointed. Instead, take time to notice the types of situations in which you most enjoy spending time with that friend, and plan accordingly.

2. Recognize that not every friendship is necessarily for the long term.

When I was completing my internship in school psychology, I quickly bonded with another intern who was sharing the same supervisor. Our supervisor was somewhat limited in his ability to mentor us, so we spent an inordinate amount of time searching for answers to our most pressing questions, critiquing each others’ work, and most importantly, venting about the day-to-day emotional burdens that result from working in the mental health field. Honestly, I’m not sure I would be the school psychologist I am today without her wisdom, quick wit, and calm demeanor.

But once our internships concluded, our friendship waned. Not from ill will or a lack of appreciation for one another. It was just time for us to move onto the next chapter of our lives, and finding time for one another in our busy schedules became less of a priority.

It’s important to recognize that friendships come and go based on our specific social or emotional needs at a particular point in our life. Consider these friendships to be blessings, albeit temporary, rather than relationship failures.

3. Establish equilibrium between give and take.

There have been numerous evenings during which I’ve sat with the phone pressed against my ear, listening to a friend pontificate about their latest woe. Maybe their job is stressful, their most recent love interest is unworthy, or their finances are in dire straights . . . again. While true friends don’t jump ship at the first sign of trouble, it’s also important to be choose friends who are contributing something to the relationship.

Situational stressors aside, does the friend on the other end of the phone ever ask how you are doing? Does he/she listen when you answer? Do they follow up with questions or comments about topics in which you’ve expressed an interest? If not, it may be time to invest in a friendship that is also emotionally satisfying for you.

4. Avoid drama.

All of us have had that friend . . . the dramatic one. The one who always seems to cause chaos in the group. The one who requires more attention than the others. The one who is quick to get angry/show jealousy/be competitive. The one who always makes you feel a bit stressed, rather than pleased, to see him or her.

If you find that you have a friend who makes you feel exhausted rather than animated, you may want to consider whether you have the time and emotional energy to exert on such a friendship. Your adult lifestyle, with its added demands of career and family, may not be conducive to maintaining a friendship that is fraught with turmoil. You may find yourself to be more content to spend time with friends who relieve your stress, rather than contribute to it.

5. Set boundaries.

Now that I have a spouse and children, the time I spend with my friends is even more treasured. It’s an escape; time to converse with a grown-up, time to eat without having to cut up a little person’s meat, time to speak frankly without the presence of an impressionable youth. But ultimately, the vast amount of my physical and emotional energy extends to my family. And as much as I love my friends, they are not members of my family. They shouldn’t expect me to drop everything to have a lengthy chat about mundane events, drive across town and show up unannounced for dinner, or weigh in on family matters.

It’s important to make time for your friends; after all, to have a friend you must be a friend. But consider setting boundaries; let a call go to voice mail if you’re busy with a family activity, make a point to extend invitations only to appropriate events, and restrain yourself from discussing topics which might encourage him/her to offer their unsolicited advice. Friendship is something that should enhance your life, not burden that of your family’s.

6. Recognize that your spouse doesn’t have to like your friends.

I have a friend who is funny, loving, boisterous, and harbors a complete lack of inhibitions. She’s the reason for which the phrase “too much information” was coined. I laugh harder with her than I do with nearly anyone else. But my husband finds her voice grating and her jokes tasteless. While this used to cause me no end of angst (how could the love of my life not appreciate such a loyal and vibrant personality?), I’ve come to accept the reality that it’s unlikely that my spouse is always going to appreciate the same qualities in a friend that I do.

Solution: we leave the dud, I mean, dad, at home and make time to get together at our favorite restaurant once a month. We get to share a bottle of wine and laugh without regard for others and he’s content to have the house to himself for the evening. Win-win.

7. Allow your friends to meet a need your spouse or family cannot.

Prior to the birth of my first child, I met another expectant parent while sitting in the waiting room at our doctor’s office. Our friendship quickly blossomed due to our common condition and we spent hours mulling over baby products, perusing baby name books, and comparing notes about pediatricians. She was a fantastic outlet for all of my baby-related obsessions. I suspect that without her, my husband would have been driven insane by my new-parent fretting. To this day, we both tend to gravitate toward one another whenever our children are about to conquer a new milestone.

Recognizing the importance of developing friendships that meet a particular emotional need is extremely valuable, particularly when your spouse or family members are unable to meet that need. For example, you may have a friend who motivates you to train for a marathon, accompanies you to your favorite horror films, or attends a self-improvement group. It’s important to value yourself enough to find a way to meet your needs, rather than overlooking them due to your partner’s inability to empathize or share a common interest.

I’d love to hear about your overall satisfaction with your adult relationships . . . what makes them work? How do they differ from friendships from your childhood?

Tara E. Nusz , D.Ed., is a school psychologist who works in a public school outside of Charlotte, NC. She also blogs at Do These Kids Make Me Look Crazy?. Although Tara has to be very serious-minded at work, her blog completely disregards this in favor of “finding the funny” in her roles as mother, wife, and friend.

The Evolution of Love

December 4, 2010 by

This post is by Jane Sheeba of Find All Answers.

Love dwells everywhere. It is the cause and the purpose of why we came to life and why we are living. Love is something universal. Right from the day we are born (even before it actually) till the day we die, love spreads throughout our lives.

Although love is universal, it takes different forms during different stages of our lives. Or to be precise, our perspective on love changes as we evolve. As we live our lives and experience different things, the way we give and experience love also changes. Since relationships are built on love, they too take different forms as we evolve.

The new-born love

The very first form of love we experience is as a child, yet we don’t give much love even to our parents, because we don’t know yet how to give love. Probably, all we know is to get fed, sleep, and poop. At this stage, however, every touch matters. Love is conveyed to the baby through the touch of the mother, and—who knows?—maybe the way the baby touches the mother could also be a form of love. For the first three months the baby doesn’t recognize faces. After that the baby smiles back at the mother (at least in the first place) and reciprocates the touch and other caring moves.

At this stage of life, love is communicated not only through touches but also through the natural blood bond between the parent and the child.

The child love

When the baby becomes a child who gets to know things, there comes a little difference in the nature of love. The child’s understanding of love is improved a little bit: s/he recognizes the parents by face, and now knows who will protect him or her. The child may or may not be obedient; this doesn’t directly relate to love.

The teen love

Here occurs a rather big jump. Love at this stage branches out beyond parents to take in friends and society. Friends, to many teens, are gods, and they think love is easily understood, shared, and reciprocated only among people of their age. They begin to feel the generation gap, which was likely quite negligible until now. Some distance and separation appears between the teen and the parents. This is natural—it’s nothing to worry about.

Of course, more than 70% of teens translate love to sex. There is nothing wrong with this, since sex is nothing but ‘making love’—something that helps humans to express love. So sex can be translated to love, but lust can’t.

The wedded love

When the teen finds Mr. or Mrs. right, life moves on, and the teen decides to start a new family. Now most of the love is shared between the couple, and hence parents get a very small share. The husband and wife do things to please each other, and make sacrifices. Love dwells in the very fact that they have become a family and they live, earn, save, and do everything for the well being of their family.

The parent love

The individual now sits where their own parents sat: now they know how hard it is to bring up a child. It needs sacrifices, pain, extra work, added commitment, endurance, and many more things. The parent spends sleepless nights, answers their kids’ crazy questions, teaches them lessons, makes them learn the good and the bad, stands beside them, sacrifices some of their own comfort and happiness for that of the children, and so on. Even though all these tasks are tiresome, the parent experiences an inner joy that cannot be explained.

Now the parent gives a different type of love back to their own parents, since they know how much their parents would have gone through to bring them up!

The grandparent love

The individual’s heart is probably full at this stage. After they have given so much love to others in life, they now begin to expect some love and care; that’s quite fair. Some get it, while others don’t. The person’s perspective on love becomes so mature that their joy not only depends on the amount of love they experience, but on the love their loved ones experience.

Which stage are you at now? Has your perspective on love changed or evolved as you’ve grown? What does love mean to you right now? Have I missed any stages? Please add your thoughts in the comments!

Jane Sheeba, a relationship expert, is the one behind Find All Answers. She can pump ideas out of her head to help you with issues on self-improvement, relationships and blogging tips. She has a free ebook for you to grab.

Boost Your Mental Wellness With Outdoors Nature Activities

December 3, 2010 by

This guest post is by David Csonka, of Naturally Engineered.

Ask people if they’d like to be able to spend more time outdoors in parks or natural areas, and most would say “yes.” Sadly, all too often what we want to do and what actually happens doesn’t always line up. As the urban landscape expands more every year, many people face dwindling opportunities to enjoy being outdoors, especially in green areas like parks and forests.

This is a shame because it has been recently discovered that outdoor exercise has an immediate and remarkably positive effect on mental functioning including factors like mood, self esteem, and stress levels. Further, a positive nature experience amplifies the beneficial effects of exercise, much more so if near a body of water. That short jog around the pond at the local park might be even more healthful than you thought!

You get a substantial benefit from the first five minutes.

With the economy in what seems to be perpetual turmoil, the burdens of financial trouble, and long working hours have driven personal stress levels to all-time highs. This makes it more important than ever for people to get outdoors as much as they can and participate in some kind of physical activity. Whether it is gardening, or sports, or just a walk around the neighborhood dog park, the key is to get out of the house and move around. Some will say that they don’t have time to play outdoors. Free time is certainly a precious commodity, but it is encouraging to know that being outdoors for as little as five minutes can produce a beneficial effect.

Pick an outdoor activity that you enjoy, and just get out of the house.

You don’t have to hike the Appalachian Trail to reap these benefits. Nor are the benefits from outdoor activity just for busy adults trying to make it in the working world. Young children and adolescents have just as much to gain from exposure to natural areas in terms of their cognitive functioning and development. With an increasing emphasis on child safety and parents’ tendency to keep children close to home, they are less likely to spend time roaming around in the woods or parks near their neighborhood.

This is unfortunate because the early years of childhood are incredibly influential on a young persons long-term development, not just for brain development but also in habits and behavior. It was determined that children who live in a home with more natural elements tend to have a greater ability to stay attentive and moderate hyperactivity. This is incredibly significant when we live in a time where more and more children are being diagnosed with AD/HD every day.

Children need to play and explore their world.

A child that develops a fondness for the outdoors at an early age will acquire the developmental benefits of this type of activity, and will also likely choose this type of recreation later in life. Not only will they benefit from the demonstrated effects on their mood and wellness, but they will probably instill those habits in children that they have as well. By taking a few steps and prioritizing the time we have each day to allow outdoor activities, it is possible to change the cycle of our behavior and create long term positive change for our families.

One of my favorite activities to do each weekend is to go to the park near my house and hike on some its ten miles of wooded trails. This is not a particularly strenuous exercise, but after an hour of walking through the forest my body is curiously left feeling both energized and relaxed at the same time. The real pleasure however is that which I feel internally in my mind and spirit.

The solemn quiet of the woods brings a perceptible feeling of peace upon me. I believe I can almost feel my blood pressure and pulse rate dropping while I sit on a fallen tree, listening to song birds. None of the stress triggers like emails or phone calls are there to get me riled up, so what is left is a quiet void – filled in by the art and music of nature.

To me, this is a form of meditation, an activity that has been demonstrated to improve a person’s psychological well-being. The resulting stress reduction affects telomerase activity in immune cells, which has the potential to promote longevity in those cells and for humans in general.

Leave the office behind: it will be waiting there for you when you return.

Engaging in this type of activity is simple. It doesn’t require a special five part DVD training program, fancy workout clothes, or a personal trainer. You just need to disconnect for a little while from the world of emails and machines, and reconnect with the natural world that so many people have forgotten is out there.

So, I’ll leave you with a challenge. On at least one day during this coming week, find thirty minutes from your day and go somewhere outside. Try to find a place that is quiet, maybe with a pond, or flowers and birds. Turn off the smart phone and try to forget about everything that waits for you at the office. Trust me, it will be there when you return. But perhaps, when you do return, you will bring a sense of peace and wellness back with you.

How often do you get out to enjoy the natural world around you?

David writes about evolutionary health, fitness, and nutrition at Naturally Engineered. His goal is to help people to reach their full potential through meeting their bodies’ natural expectations. Connect with him at Twitter @thrivenaturally.

From Fat to Fit: How to Make Technology Work for You

December 2, 2010 by

This post is by Bobby Lehew of Branded Matters.

They say technology makes us lethargic, that technology promotes a sedentary lifestyle. “They” are wrong. Technology enabled me to lose forty pounds, kick my blood pressure medicine and consistently run five miles a day, five days a week.

How?

Simple. I finally found the secret combination for someone with too many computer screens: I made them each my ally.

It started when I began calculating the time I spent sitting, reading my RSS feeds. Given that I was now virtually processing all my learning and viewing most of my entertainment via the web, I started thinking, there must be a way to stay in shape while online. One of the many hats I wear is that of a geek marketer for our business. I keep an eye out on trends that could impact our business. Staying up to date with technology is an important part of my work and my life. I needed a way to stay abreast of the radically shifting changes online while attempting to get in shape.

Standing desks were becoming popular and even treadmill desks but nothing really worked for me yet. With a few minor purchases and a few tweaks to my online experience, I eventually combined something I loved (the web) with something I hated (working out). Here’s how I did it.

Walk before you run

Walk before you run—this is conventional wisdom, right? I figured going from doing nothing to moving was progress, so I didn’t let the lack of athletic ambition get in the way of my simply moving. I started walking. Consistently.

Running a small business and raising a family of five children doesn’t leave one much room for discretionary time. Multitasking becomes an art form for a father of multiples. I began to seek ways I could maximize my time alone—reading books online, watching movies on Netflix, anything to help juggle multiple tasks simultaneously.

I walked almost daily for close to a year until one day, bored with walking, I started running. I didn’t plan on it, I just reached a point where walking was easy, I was no longer breathless and my legs didn’t quake. I could handle stepping it up a bit (literally).

From walk to run … with technology

Going from walk to run was made easier because I had figured out the solution to my personal fitness puzzle. Two essential pieces were a stable way to display my laptop on my treadmill and a way to easily browse the web while moving. I purchased a simple piece of acrylic called The Laptop Stand, affixed it to a tripod I already owned and placed it in front of my treadmill. This was one half of the equation.

The other half was to find a mouse that I could use to navigate while walking, perhaps even running. After many attempts with an actual mouse, technology finally advanced in the form of an app called Mobile Mouse that allowed me to use my iPhone as a mouse. Mobile Mouse replicates your desktop so that you can actually launch applications from your iPhone, scroll through pages on the web and click on the entire face of your iPhone screen. It is practically a hand-held trackpad.

The final component was finding a way to read my RSS feeds. Google Reader has a little used feature called Reader Play. Much like Google flip, Reader Play enlarges your feeds on your screen, enabling you to read them, safely, at a distance and flip through each update, magazine-style. Reader Play even automatically plays video clips when you advance to the next post. I will often save or share information, literally, while on the run. The Laptop Stand, Google Reader Play and the iPhone app Mobile Mouse was, for me, a fitness enabling trifecta.

For someone who hates exercise, I realized the secret wasn’t just discipline. It was much more than that: the secret was to combine something I loved with something I hated.

Today’s technology enables you to multitask like never before. A few simple hacks and you can watch while jogging, read while biking, and even jam while swimming. The hard work wasn’t getting on the treadmill. The hard work was tweaking and hacking until I found the perfect combination that eliminated all the reasons not to exercise. If you work hard at discovering how to combine what you love with exercise you’ll soon watch both excuses and pounds melt away.

Bobby Lehew is the Director of Operations at Robyn Promotions. He writes regularly on his blog Branded Matters and runs five miles a day five days a week. You can find him on NikePlus or Twitter as BobbyLehew.

The Absolute Simple Brilliance of Walking, and How It Changed My Life

November 30, 2010 by

This guest post is by Leo Babauta, creator of Zen Habits and mnmlist.com.

I walk every day, and it is wonderful.

Walking serves as a universal solution for me, because with one simple, minimalist action, I’m able to:

  • get some fresh air and appreciate nature
  • get some exercise and get healthier
  • clear my head and rid myself of stress
  • explore the city that is my new home in ways not otherwise possible
  • spend time with my wife and kids in a healthy, fun way
  • reflect, and compose new things to write about
  • work better than ever—I walk, then stop and write on my laptop, then walk, and repeat that a number of times.

You don’t need anything to walk, and yet it gives you everything—health, clarity, fun, creativity, productivity, a connection with your environment.

I walk with no destination in mind. I set out, usually with my laptop and a book and a pocket notebook in my backpack, and I walk. It might be for 30 minutes or an hour or more, and I’ll find a new place to sit down and read or write—a park or a beach or a coffee shop or a library.

I’ll write, then I’ll walk some more. There’s no set schedule, but boy, I get more writing done as I walk than I ever did just sitting around the house.

Sometimes I’ll bring my wife and kids, and we’ll explore new territory, and then I’ll find a place to rest and work. When I bring my kids, I pack a bottle of water and some snacks (fruit, PB and J sandwiches). They’re getting to be amazing walkers.

I’m in better shape than ever before, and I don’t need a gym to get fit. I sprint up hills, race my kids. It’s minimalist fitness.

Walking is my meditation. I don’t need a pillow or a yoga mat—I just walk, and clear my head, and focus on being present.

I walk, and I create, and I am happy.

Leo Babauta is the creator of Zen Habits and mnmlist.com.

Why Your Loved Ones Are Holding You Back

November 29, 2010 by

This guest post is by Michelle Nickolaisen of Wicked Whimsy.

image by Josep Ma. Rosell

We’ve all had it happen to us. You get a brilliant idea that you’re incredibly excited about. In your excitement, you share the idea with a loved one, hoping that they’ll see its brilliance as well. But your spirits fall as your loved one pauses a moment, and then tells you exactly why your idea is terrible.

I always found this an incredibly frustrating occurrence. And very often, with me or with others, the loved ones are wrong—the idea is in fact an outstanding one, and turns out exceedingly well. So why do they say something negative about it?

Ponder on that for a moment while I tell a related tale. A week or two ago, my husband and I were talking. Eagerly, he told me he had a great idea—he saw a Craigslist ad for an open mic night, and he wanted to try stand up comedy.

His face fell as I said something to the effect of “I don’t know, do you really want to do that? I mean, people at comedy clubs can be really mean!” We talked for a couple of minutes and then I realized that I was doing that thing I hate, where loved ones aren’t very supportive. I was saying exactly what I’ve had people say to me!

And why was I saying it?

Feeling the fear

I was scared for him. Change is scary. Our lizard-brains see change and they run the other way, thinking “No! Security = survival!” When we see a loved one walking into what we’re convinced is a trap, it makes us scared and concerned for them, and we try to dissuade them from going ahead.

It’s only natural, really. But that doesn’t make it any less hurtful or infuriating to the people you’re trying to dissuade. Especially if the idea actually is a good one, and not something like “Hey Mom, I think I’m going to move out into the woods and live with a cult leader. He mentioned Kool Aid. Sound like a plan?”

Fixing it

So what can you do to fix this?

  • If you’re on the giving end of the conversation, stop and think about what you’re saying and why you’re saying it. Do you genuinely think this is a bad idea? Why? If you can’t think of three solid reasons (examples of reasons that are not solid: “you’ll get laughed at”, “people are mean”), you should probably rethink your stance on this idea and give your loved one all your support.
  • If you’re on the receiving end, try to keep in mind that your loved one is coming from a place of being scared for you, not from a place of spite or cruelty. Ask them why they feel that your idea is a bad one, and if they don’t have a good reason, gently say that you appreciate their advice but you’d appreciate their support even more.

Oh, wondering what happened with my husband? After I realized I was being lizard-brained, I explained where I was coming from and apologized to him. Then I offered to read what he’d written for his stand up and give feedback. He’s also run his routine by a couple of other people (to much laughter) and is planning on showing up next time there’s an open mic night!

How about you? Have you ever caught yourself discouraging a good idea out of fear for the idea-haver? Or have you ever been on the receiving end of discouragement? How did you react, and what did you do about it?

Michelle is a 22-year-old, blue-haired blogger who writes about creativity, spirituality, and life. Follow her exploits at Wicked Whimsy. You can also sign up for the mailing list to receive the free Finding Yourself 101 ecourse and monthly updates about Wicked Whimsy.

Live the Dream: Putting Your Wishes to Work

November 27, 2010 by

This guest post is by Laura Townshend of BigGreyHorse.com.

When I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was ride horses and write. I took the obligatory ballet, gymnastics and piano lessons my mother enrolled me in. I enjoyed the activities, but my heart wasn’t completely in it. Horses won first place and writing came in as a close second.

My parents said that both were nothing more than hobbies.

That was the ’60s, when fathers worked outside the home and mothers managed households and raised children. My father was an entrepreneur who traveled the majority of the time. Somewhere deep within, his business and the way he approached customers moved me. At an early age, I formed distinct impressions about how to treat the people you do business with. These memories and feelings ended up serving me well later in life, and remain positive aspects today.

Needless to say, I followed the path my parents spoke of. “Get a degree and go into business. Your passions are what make you happy but work is work. When your work is done, you can play with your hobbies.” Even in the ’80s, when I came into the workforce, it was all about making money. There wasn’t too much talk about following your passions or doing what made your heart sing. The Me Generation said money was king, and if you worked hard enough, you would have lots of pretty, shiny things to be happy about.

The deal is this, however. Those pretty, shiny things won’t make you happy unless you feel good about yourself. True happiness is related to your spirituality. And good business keeps spirituality in the forefront.

What I’ve learned since then is that we’re living in different times. It’s not about me or you, it’s about us. How can I help you? How can I further your dreams while reaching my own?  How will we help each other? Good business people know that the way to attract and retain customers is through outreach. If making money is the only point, you won’t be in business for long.

Your spiritual base is the key. Religious affiliation doesn’t matter as much as how you relate to yourself and others. It’s what’s in your heart that matters. If you possess a kind heart, you won’t mind helping others succeed, too. Truly, there is no competition. We get what we manifest, albeit positive or negative.

If you’re in business to make a quick buck, you might achieve those results. On the long road, however, what happened? Did your customers come back for seconds? Were they pleased with the transaction? Did you walk away feeling good about what you did?

Today’s world grows smaller every second. This is an amazing time. I’m so glad to be part of the New Age, even if it frightens me somewhat. It seems that everyone has something to say—or maybe it’s that I can see what people think and feel due to instantaneous communications. Sometimes it’s also impossible to measure whether people are truly in need or just trying to scam.

Many years down the road, I write copy and ride my horse. I consider myself to be one of the lucky people who ended up doing exactly what she loved. Even better, I am paid to do what I love, which pays for my horse and the people and things in my life. It’s too late to wonder what would have happened had I followed my passions as I came into adulthood.

What matters is that I am here, now. The past seven years have been absolutely divine, and they keep getting better and better as I remain true to myself and my passions. I’m lucky to have saved those fabulous impressions my entrepreneurial father left upon me. I’m also lucky that I was brave enough to leave the nine to five and strike out on my own.

I couldn’t do it without the wonderful clients I’ve worked with, my family’s support, and some really amazing mentors and friends.

Stay true to your heart. Do the right thing. Build and grow your business. It?s easier than ever to work from home and be an entrepreneur. Just be sure you’re in it to help others, to give back, and to be a strong presence. Your business with flourish when you inject a healthy dose of spirituality into it.

Laura Townshend is a blogger and copywriter. You?ll find her hanging out at BigGreyHorse.com or taking a ride on Newspaper Taxi (the big, grey horse). Follow her @BigGreyHorse on Twitter.

Where in the World is Mommy? How to Stay Close to Your Kids While Traveling for Work

November 26, 2010 by

This guest post is by Dr. Susan Giurleo of TheVirtualCake.com.

If you’re a parent of young children and working in your own small business, you know that somewhere someone once said to you, “You’re so lucky! You get to make your own schedule, be home with your kids when they need you, and make a great living!”

That’s what we who do the parent/business/work thing call an “urban myth.” When you work for yourself and have to support a young family, you work longer hours and need to travel to connect with people who you call colleagues, even if they live half way around the world.

Traveling when you have young kids is a blessing and a curse. When you’re away from the younger generation, you’re amazed at how focused you can be in the midst of a busy airport  while waiting for your flight. No one is asking for juice, in need of a ride to soccer practice, or stomping around because they can’t find their homework. Compared to a busy home, the airport is quiet and relaxing.

But of course, you miss that chaos, being a part of your children’s every day, celebrating their new milestones that they seem to achieve every time you’re 3000 miles away.

And your kids miss you. Lots.

It can be a real strain on your relationship with your children when you travel often. They don’t know when you’ll be around or if they can count on you to do the last-minute fun stuff that always comes up—pick up football games, tea parties, trips to the mall. The kids don’t resent you so much as they just sort of start to function without you in mind. Their other parent and other adults fill the void left as you are out working your butt off to make a good living for them.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Lucky for you and your family, you can still stay close to them when you’re away. Here are 5 ways to stay close and important to your beautiful kids.

1. Make time to connect.

This can be tricky, especially if you’re not in the same time zone. But you can do it!

Before you leave for your trip, calculate what time in your new location matches your kids’ wake up and bed times. Then set aside the time to call them. Try not to schedule anything too pressing during those times. If you must be in a meeting, duck out for five or ten minutes to make the call. Remember: your kids are more important than ten extra minutes with that business connection.

If it’s midnight where you are, and 7 a.m. at home, still make the effort—wake up or stay up until you can make the call. This will send the message to your family that they’re important and on your mind during the day.

2. Use Skype.

If possible, use streaming video to chat with your family. The connection is deeper and you can see their daily life—the excellent test score, their new PJs, a hair cut. And your kids can get a sense of where you are and feel a part of your trip, too.

3. Connect throughout the day.

Send the family an email, post a YouTube video of yourself showing a bit of the location you’re visiting, tweet a shout out to the family on Twitter.

These things don’t take a lot of time, but they keep the connection between you strong.

4. Get a map.

When my son was a preschooler, my husband traveled quite often. AJ didn’t understand where daddy was, so we got a big map and a globe and stuck pins at the locations where he was that week.

This allowed my son to better understand where his dad went in the plane, gave us some cool geography lessons, and let us search for pictures of the places online. It was fun, and let AJ feel that his dad was actually somewhere —not just missing from his life that day.

5. Bring back something meaningful.

Forget bringing back t-shirts or kitsch souvenirs. Bring your kids something that represents the place you visited or the business you conducted. Maybe it’s sand from the beach resort where the meeting was held, a cool schwag item from a conference bag or exhibitor, or a book from an author you visited. This brings the trip home, makes it relevant to your children, and again, reinforces that you were thinking of them even while you were away.

Remember, your kids don’t need you to connect with them for hours on end—just a few minutes at the beginning and end of their day will mean so much to them. They’ll look forward to your calls, save up things to share when they talk to you, and feel included on your trip.

What other ways have you found to stay connected to your family when you travel? Please share so we can all get better at maintaining the work-family balance!

Susan Giurleo is a mom, wife, psychologist and social media fan who blogs about work-family balance on TheVirtualCake.com. She also juggles running three businesses and figured out how to meet her kid at the bus stop after school three days a week. She feels this is a major accomplishment. Connect with her on Twitter @susangiulreo.

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