17 Ways To Cheer Up When You Feel Down

March 28, 2011 by

This post is by Dirk from Upgradereality.com.

Sometimes it’s just not your day or your week, and all of life’s daily obstacles—the problems that you usually handle without blinking an eye—seem to have the power to drive a dagger into your heart and make you want to give up on everything.

Everyone feels vulnerable, sad, and lonely from time to time but if you know how to cheer yourself up, then you’ll get through many of those tough moments just fine. In fact, you’ll learn to appreciate the sad moments because when you experience them, you know you’re alive and life has both ups and downs. That’s what makes life so great.

Here I’ve listed 17 different ways that can cheer you up when you feel sad, and you’ll be sure to find at least one way that will put a smile on your face when everything else makes you frown.

1. Breathe

Take five minutes and consciously breathe. Count your breaths, inhale and exhale. When you focus on breathing, you will notice that you become more relaxed and your worries and troubles melt away.

2. Take a long walk

Even if you have big troubles, usually a long walk through a scenic environment like a forest, park or mountain will take your mind off your worries. Nature is beautiful. Let it soothe you.

3. Watch an episode of Friends

I have probably watched every episode of Friends, the sitcom series from a few years ago, ten times and it always gets a smile on my face. Feeling down? Just watch an episode or two and your mood will lift.

4. Listen to Arnold Schwarzenegger

Just Google “Arnold Schwarzenegger switchboard” and you’ll see what I mean. It’s an online switchboard with recorded clips from Arnold and his awesome accent. Guaranteed to make you feel better!

5. Browse Saying Images

Since I found this site I’ve been in love with it.

No essays or articles, just unique and original pictures with a message. Very cool.

6. Pig out on ice-cream

Stuffing yourself with your favorite flavor of ice-cream always does wonders. It might not be healthy, and it might not be a solution, but damn, it tastes good—and makes you feel better!

7. Play with a dog

Dogs never seem to have big troubles. They are always energetic and up for fun. Ask someone who has a dog if you can borrow it for a couple of hours, or the day, and take your new best friend for a run.

8. Take a bubble bath

Draw a nice warm bath full of bubbles and bath salts. Relax and soak your troubles in the water—and leave them behind when you get out.

9. Paint

Get a canvas or a wall or something that you can paint on, and let your emotions flow. Let the paintbrush and colors flow freely and your mood will lift.

10. Sing

You may not be in the mood to sing, because generally people only sing when they are happy. But put on your favorite song and sing along. You will begin to feel better, and it might even change your mood completely!

11. Create something

I mentioned painting earlier, but you can do anything you want. Pottery, drawings, carpentry, paper-mache, a song, and Lego are just a few ideas. Be artistic and just make something with your own two hands! I wrote a post on how to be creative if you need inspiration.

12. Make a list

Get a pen and paper and make a list of something. It can be a list of why life is awesome, a list of goals you want to achieve, a list of your favorite things in the world … you name it.

13. Bake a cake

Even if you never bake, baking a cake once in a blue moon can be fun. It can be cool to whip up all the ingredients and create something delicious—especially when you are feeling a little down. And you can devour it to make you feel even better (or at least get a sugar rush…)!

14. Enjoy friends, food, and movies

Ask your best friends to come over for the night, get some good movies and great food, and just hang out. You don’t even have to say anything to each other—just enjoy the movies, food, and each other’s company.

15. Buy yourself flowers

A fresh bouquet of beautiful flowers always cheers me up. They smell amazing and look so pretty. I can often notice a big lift in my mood when I have flower in front of me for a few hours.

16. Blow bubbles

It’s so simple, and yet so fascinating. Dip the little stick in the soapy water and blow on it to make a bubble that floats through the air. See how effortlessly it floats and let that take your mind off whatever is bothering you.

17. Happiness comes from within

Even though many of these suggestions will cheer you up and put you in a better mood, true happiness comes from within. The only person who can ultimately make you happy is you.

If you feel down because of other people, remember that it is you who gives those other people the power to let you be down. If you allow them to hurt you, they can … but not always. I find that the less I rely on other things or people for my happiness, the easier it is to be happy. Don’t you?

Dirk was born in Amsterdam but now lives in South Africa where he writes about personal development on his popular blog Upgradereality.com. Get his free ebook with 117 proven tips to change your life for good here.

Like Best Next Time

March 24, 2011 by

This post is by Marly McMillen of NamelyMarly.

I have a few theories in life and one of them is this, “If you want to be good at something, be prepared to fail.” Kind of a negative life mantra, eh? To be good at something, you have to be prepared to do it badly.

Image is author's own

Sure, there are exceptions to every rule, and the virtuosos in this world may not seem to fit my little theory. That’s because they can play Mozart concertos on the piano at age five. But then again, their savant-like talent is usually concentrated on one thing, like that piano. They may not have any idea at all about how to paint or play tennis.

And that’s where my theory comes into play again. If you’re a virtuoso at the piano, the only way to get good at photography is to be a failure at it … sometimes quite miserably.

Of course, there’s also the other end of the spectrum with those who adopt failure as a way of life. They’re like the proverbial fly against the window, doing a miserable job trying to get through the same dead-end corner. But both ends of the spectrum aside, if you want to get better at guitar, or painting, or public speaking, all of these skills require that you do them badly … at least to begin with.

And that’s the thing that holds a lot of us back. Fear of failure, or a desire to do things perfectly, can make you and the people around you miserable.

Like best next time

Like Best Next Time is a phrase a colleague and I used when working on a recent project together. As is typical for a lot of us, we were working for a boss with unrealistic expectations; he wanted a project rolled out on an impossible timeline. And he wanted it to come in far below what we had projected in terms of costs.

We wallowed in misery by sharing our favorite boss-bashing Dilbert cartoons, which surprisingly helped a lot. But time was ticking and we knew we had to get busy and produce real results.

I’m sure you know the saying about project expectations: You can have only two of these three—fast, cheap or perfect. We decided to give the boss the two he asked for, fast and cheap, but perfect would be a work in progress.

And that’s what we did. And you know what? It turned out to be one of the most enjoyable and productive projects any of us had ever worked on. Without the harness of perfectionism tethering us to a defined stake in the ground, we were all able to relax, throw out creative (if not sometimes zany) ideas, and work together with ease. We eventually turned out a product that was beyond all our expectations. It still didn’t meet our self-defined expectations of perfection, but it was definitely a high-quality project with potential to become even better.

How can you know if perfectionism is holding you back?

Perfectionism can take a miserable and sometimes tragic toll on individuals and the people around them. Consider French Chef Bernard Loiseau who committed suicide after his restaurant received a slightly lower rating than it had in the past. In their book, When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough Martin Anthony and Richard Swinson describe a perfectionist as someone who has, “strict standards or expectations for oneself or others that either cannot be met or can only be met at a great cost.”

On one hand, having a drive to constantly improve can actually be a good thing. Problems arise, however, when you raise the bar to impossible levels and place your entire self worth on the outcomes of reaching those impossible goals.

That’s why perfectionism frequently results in depression, anger problems, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive behaviors.

How do you know if you suffer from perfectionism? There are some tale-tell traits. Do you recognize any of the following in yourself?

  • You’re not satisfied with anything less than complete perfection (which usually means you prefer to do things yourself rather than entrusting it to others).
  • You feel constantly worried about details.
  • You think of mistakes as evidence of your unworthiness.
  • You’re overly defensive when criticized.
  • You have standards that are impossible or nearly impossible to reach.
  • You have an all or nothing attitude—things are either good or bad, which can lead to procrastinating. Why start something if it can’t be perfect?

How can you learn to release the notion of perfectionism?

Perfectionism is not only self-detrimental, it also impacts those around you. Acknowledging perfectionistic traits is a great first step and even better when followed by creating a list of how these traits are holding you back. You can also find ways to embrace your complete self, flaws and all. That means learning to love a little bit of failure here and there…as part of a process toward improvement. Don’t avoid practicing guitar because you don’t sound like Stevie Ray Vaughan. He probably didn’t start out sounding so great either.

Lots of books provide steps on how you can be happier, but I’ve found none to be as effective as this one. Learn to live with a “like best next time” mentality. Do your best and learn how to do it better next time.

Are you a perfectionist? Does that hold you back? Share your experiences in the comments.

Marly McMillen has a passion for life, family, vegan food, and names. She writes about all of these and more on her site at NamelyMarly. Marly’s podcast, NamelyMarly, can be found on iTunes, where she interviews people about their names. The people she interviews include famous authors, models, and even the people she meets at the park. Marly is also passionate about healthy food and shares vegan recipes as well.

5 Unusual Ways to Slim Down and Stay There

March 23, 2011 by

This is a guest post by Jules Clancy of Stonesoup.

As a food lover, I’ve always found nutrition both fascinating and confusing. Even though I studied two basic nutrition subjects at university, I’ve struggled to understand the conflicting messages we’ve all been given over the years.

Image is author's own

So I always have an ear out when a new diet book comes out. I’ve waded my way through Skinny Bitch, French Women Don’t Get Fat and even Atkins Essentials. And I’ve always ended up disappointed. But late last year when I read The Paleo Solution and gave it a go, I felt I was heading in the right direction.

Then as luck would have it, my Christmas reading included a copy of Tim Ferriss’ latest book The 4-Hour Body and Gary Taubes’ brilliant book, Why We Get Fat.

Since then I’ve been changing my way of eating and I’ve been applying the principles I discovered in both books. The lessons from both Ferriss and Tabues are consistent with the results I’ve been seeing in myself.

It’s really exciting stuff—and it’s working. Here are a few ideas I’ve gleaned from this research: five unusual ways ot slim down and stay there.

1. Don’t try to eat less

The whole idea of eating less and stopping before you’re full is a double-edged sword. Not only does it make you more likely to binge between meals, it also causes your metabolism to slow down. Think of it as when you eat less, your body adjusts to having less food available by decreasing your metabolism, that is, decreasing the amount of food it needs. Not a good idea.

Listen to your body. Eat until you are full, but of course, don’t over do it.

2. Don’t exercise to excess

Gary Taubes cites many studies on rats to prove exercise doesn’t make us thin. I prefer to think about my own experience.

When I was training to run a marathon, I’d expected one of the side effects would be losing weight. But I didn’t. My body adjusted to me running 90km a week by giving me an enormous appetite.

While some exercise vs no exercise can help with weight loss, the benefits don’t increase the more you exercise. Our bodies adjust our appetites to suit our level of activity.

I’m not saying don’t exercise. There are a heap of other benefits. Apart from exercise being fun it’s also great for your mental health. Just don’t expect crazy amounts of exercise to make you slimmer.

By the same token, don’t beat yourself up about not exercising if you want to lose weight. It’s more important to focus on changing your diet.

3. Manage your carbohydrate intake

According to Gary Taubes, we get fat because we eat certain types of carbohydrates.

Basically when we eat carbohydrates they increase our blood sugar levels. Our bodies then produce insulin to help get our blood sugar back to normal by storing the excess energy as fat.

So too many carbohydrates = too much insulin = fat bodies.

Of course it’s not that simple. Some people are naturally more sensitive to insulin than others. This means that for the same amount of carbohydrate, the less sensitive people produce more insulin and so spend more time in Storing Fat mode (one of the reasons why some people are more likely to put on weight). Also as we age, we become less sensitive to insulin (hello middle-aged spread).

The other complication is that not all carbohydrates cause the same amount of insulin to be produced. You may have heard of the Glycemic Index (GI). This is a measurement of how different foods influence our blood sugar and therefore how much insulin they stimulate in our bodies over time. In effect, how fattening they are.

But GI can be difficult to understand. And it’s not fun having to look up tables all the time to see what we should and shouldn’t be eating. So I’ve adopted Tim Ferriss suggestion to avoid all ‘white’ carbohydrates, including all grains and sugars, and instead eat plenty of beans, legumes, and veggies.

4. Don’t be afraid of fat

We need fat to live. Whenever we decrease fat in our diets we tend to replace it with carbohydrates which stimulate insulin production and promote the storage of fat.

Don’t be afraid of saturated fat either. As Gary Taubes reports in Why We Get Fat, “Trials like the Women’s Health Initiative find that eating less fat and less saturated fat have no beneficial effect (at least for women)”.

5. Have a cheat day every week

This is one of my favorite Tim Ferriss suggestions. Nominate one day a week where you’re free to eat as much as you want of whatever you like. The main benefit here is psychological. It stops you feeling deprived and decreases the risk of bingeing randomly. It also helps give your metabolism a boost (see point 1).

After years of always trying not to over indulge, it’s truly liberating to have a day going crazy in the name of your waistline. But even better, you feel so crap afterwards, it makes you appreciate how good you feel the rest of the week.

It’s also great because every time you have a craving during the week, you can add it to the list of things to eat on your cheat day—a much better result than a permanent No.

Jules Clancy is a qualified Food Scientist and blogs about her commitment to only cooking recipes with no more than 5 ingredients over at Stonesoup. She is also the creator of The Stonesoup Virtual Cookery School where she is currently running a class called Reclaim Your Waistline.

How the Scarcity Mindset Hurts Your Creativity

March 21, 2011 by

This post is by Michelle of Take Back Your Creativity.

Here’s the thing about creativity: it’s all in your head. Even if you say there’s something outside of you that gives you ideas, they still end up in your head. And the thing about something in your head is this: your worldview, thoughts, and opinions will greatly affect it, and how it’s brought into the world.

Nowhere does this show as clearly as in the way we treat our ideas. People apply the scarcity mindset to their ideas and end up hoarding them. “No!,” they cry. “That’s my idea, you can’t have it.” Or, often heard from bloggers: “I think I should use my best ideas for my site instead of guest posts.”

Ideas are intangible things, completely without form and thus without limit. And, of course, they are abundant. They’re everywhere—how many ideas do you have in a random week? Okay, they’re not necessarily good ideas, but they’re ideas nonetheless.

Now think about how you treat your ideas when you’re influenced by the scarcity mindset. You hoard them or save an idea for later, when you can do justice to it. You don’t tell anyone about your latest idea, whether for fear of them ridiculing you, or fear of them stealing it. You wind up believing, consciously or not, that there exists only a finite number of ideas—more importantly, there’s only a finite number of good ideas—and so you treat them as if there will never be enough to go around. Big mistake.

When you treat your ideas this way, you set up creative blocks. Instead of treasuring the ideas you do have, you’re worrying about where the next one will come from. Instead of using them (and of course, ideas love to be put into action), you’re letting them get dusty on a shelf somewhere. Eventually, the part of you that creates ideas, that pulls them out of the ether—whether you believe that’s your subconscious, a higher self, or a daemon—will start to think you obviously don’t value them if you treat them so, and then the ideas dry up. They cease to come to you, and when they do come, it’s only with much effort.

Here’s a novel idea: instead of hoarding your ideas, use them relentlessly. They don’t have to be used in public, if you’re shy about them or not sure they’re that good—but use them somehow. Test them out, play with them, put them into action.

This sends a message to yourself that yes, these ideas will get used, yes, you do value them, yes, send more, please and thank you! Even if you’re only writing the ideas down and keeping track of them in a swipe file—and that’s all you do with that idea for now—that sends a little signal that you’re willing to act on the idea.

The less ideas you work on, the less ideas you have. So get crackin’!

Michelle is a writer and creative strategist living in Austin. She just launched Take Back Your Creativity, an ebook, workbook, and audio kit intended to help you integrate your creative life & your daily life, increase your creative output, and navigate around creative blocks and burnout. Check it out here, or you can read her writings at Wicked Whimsy.

Setting Up Support Structures: 3 Tips for the Working Mother

March 17, 2011 by

This guest post is by Jasmin Tragas.

Before I had kids, I didn’t find it too difficult to justify going out to dinner after a hard day’s work. After I had kids, it wasn’t even on the radar. That probably has something to do with … let’s see … juggling work, kids, school pick-ups, housework, budgets, lunches, homework, kids’ sports, community commitments, exercise, catching up with friends … and simply having time to relax. If you can squeeze in the time!

I used to marvel at friends with more than two children, and wonder how they did it. Then I noticed something they all had in common.

I could tell you about how important it is to be plan, plan, plan, and how a little organization goes a long way. But I’ve also noticed that some of my friends simply had some great support structures in place.

Support 1. Food

Okay, so going out to dinner with the family to eat a good meal every night might not be an option. And take-out is probably not the healthiest choice, although I have been known to resort to “sanity pizza”.  Admittedly, when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy I ordered a few week’s worth of dinners from a popular diet company—not because we were on diets, but as emergency back-ups. The food was nutritious and really helped in the early days (just be sure to let them know you’re pregnant so you get the right amount of calories and nutrition).

What about getting your food delivered? There are plenty of supermarkets and greengrocers online. We’ve even found it’s just as affordable to have our milk, eggs and bread delivered twice a week—a massive help on busy mornings.

Support 2. Cleaning

If you can’t afford a weekly cleaner, maybe a fortnightly clean can fit into the budget. It can make a huge difference. Just getting your business shirts ironed by someone else can make a significant impact on the amount of time you have to do other things.

Support 3. Babysitting

Do you still go on dates with your partner?  Don’t be afraid to ask someone you trust to babysit so you can have some time together. It’s important that you have time to yourself as well, and having a babysitter means you can do that whether or not the “you” time suits your partner’s schedule.

Simply putting these few small support structures in place has made a huge difference to me during life’s busy seasons. And while some of them might come at a price, it’s worth investigating to see whether they fit in your budget. After all, sometimes it’s just a matter of asking a friend of family member if they could drop a meal around if you’re having a difficult week with a sick child.

How about you?  Do you find it easy to set up  “support structures” to improve your work/life balance?

Jasmin Tragas is a mother of three, and and spent several years working part time at IBM. She currently works for ProBlogger two days a week from home.

Starting School: Tips for Kindergarten Success

March 16, 2011 by

This guest post is by Tara Egan, D.Ed., a school psychologist who blogs at Do These Kids Make Me Look Crazy?

Back in August, my daughter started kindergarten. Despite the fact that I’ve always worked three days per week and my children (ages 3 and 5) have been enrolled in a highly structured daycare program, it was a huge adjustment for our family.

Because I’m a school psychologist, I always feel some additional pressure to have well-adjusted, well-behaved children. I suspect that parents and teachers are less likely to adhere to advice from a psychologist whose children are chronically naughty, demonstrate few school-readiness skills, or fail to complete home assignments on time.

Naughty? Or tired?

Image is author's own

During the first two months of kindergarten, my normally energetic and cheerful daughter was . . . irritable. She bickered with her brother, was sulky during meals, and cried easily. Upon careful reflection, I came to the conclusion that my girl was physically and emotionally exhausted from the demands of kindergarten. Getting up early for five days in a row, navigating the social expectations of her peers, and balancing the demands of each of her teachers was taxing.

Because I’ve always felt it was important to prevent behavioral problems rather than to react to behavioral problems, I made some minor changes in our home. I found that she greatly benefited from:

  • Going to bed much earlier. Prior to kindergarten, she typically went to bed by 8pm and needed no prompting to start her day by 7am. I quickly learned that her attitude and stamina were greatly enhanced by putting her to bed by 7:15 pm at the latest. This meant adjusting other aspects of our day, such as dinner time and bath time.
  • Spending 20-30 minutes of ‘alone time’ in her bedroom after a busy school day. At first she balked at this, but eventually she adjusted to, and even enjoyed, spending some quiet time coloring or playing with her dolls. After exiting her room, she was typically more cheerful and responsive to adult direction.
  • Having advance notice about schedule changes. For example, each day the students have a different “special area” class to attend: physical education, art, Spanish, library, computers, or music. In addition, on Thursdays she has dance class after school. Each evening we discuss the next day’s events, make sure we have the appropriate materials (e.g., her library book) and she has a chance to ask questions or express concerns.
  • Acknowledging that she sometimes misses her preschool days. Days in which she spent time engaging in relaxing activities, such as playing at the park, watching a favorite television show, or playing dress-up with her brother. She also expressed envy that her little brother got to spend entire days home with me. In response, I made a point to spend 1:1 time with her each week, unencumbered by school tasks or sibling rivalry.

Be a good role model

Starting kindergarten was a big milestone for both all us. I graduated from being the mother of a preschooler to the mother of a school-aged child. She entered a world where her parent’s rules and routines no longer dominated. I fretted about her social and emotional adjustment, her physical safety (getting lost, specifically), and her academic readiness.

I suspect that my anxiety rubbed off on her. While I am an educator who thinks highly of public education and have never, in all my years of working in elementary schools, learned of an incident where a kindergartner has been lost or mistreated, I still worried about my girl. I hated that she was going to be spending more time with strangers than with me, her loving parent. And although I only recall speaking positively of school in the most chipper of tones, the fact that I called fifteen of my neighbors to find out if any of her neighborhood friends were in her class and obsessively shopped for her school uniform probably tipped her off that I was experiencing some emotional ambiguity.

I’ve since learned to be mindful of my words, my actions, and my overall demeanor. I’ve learned that if I’m calm and positive, she is much more likely to be calm and positive.

Be prepared

Once school starts, parents are immediately burdened with a plethora of papers to be read, permission forms to be signed, school-fundraisers in which to participate, and homework assignments to be completed.

No matter how bright your child, she/he will need assistance with homework assignments.

Plan to spend some time every evening focusing on your child’s school demands. Set this time aside, because there will be long-term benefits to your child observing you taking their academic career seriously. This is your opportunity to teach them to prioritize school above social engagements, extra-curricular activities, and the lure of television. Spending time each evening addressing these demands will decrease responsibilities on a hectic weekday morning. Your child is much more likely to have a positive day at school if he/she starts it off calm and prepared. This will also benefit you later, when your child is old enough to take over some of the more mundane tasks.

In addition, your child’s teacher will recognize and appreciate your efforts and respond to your questions and concerns (and overlooked permission forms) with enhanced patience and compassion.

Support the teacher

As a school psychologist, I’ve found that on occasion parents fail to view the parent-teacher relationship as an alliance. A child coming home with a ‘sad face’ on their daily sheet suggests that the teacher’s rules are too harsh, rather than a sign that their child may require extra behavior reinforcement at home. A child complaining that a teacher is ‘boring’ may be a reaction to the increasing demands that a child remain in his/her seat, rather than to an unimaginative teaching style.

While there are always exceptions, I’ve found that most teachers are well-versed in developmental milestones, have realistic expectations for student behavior, and are appreciative of respectful communication between home and school. Also, it’s important to remember that while you are an expert on the needs of your particular child, the teacher has the opportunity to get to know your child relative to the other kindergarteners.

If he/she expresses a concern or makes a point to provide effusive praise, it’s likely due to the fact that the vast majority of the other students in her classroom are not exhibiting that particular behavior. Take advantage of the teacher’s perspective when it comes to supporting your child’s performance in school.

And even if you have doubts about a teacher to the point where you feel it’s necessary to express them to the teacher or to an administrator, it may be wise to leave your child out of the discussion. The bottom line is, she/he is your child’s teacher and must be treated respectfully. Sending your child the message that he/she does not have to adhere to an adult’s expectations is not likely to have positive results, either in the short-term or the long-term.

Encourage an age-appropriate amount of independence

Prior to entering school, it may have been appropriate to assist your child in completing tasks such as buttoning their pants after using the bathroom, opening a yogurt container, or packing up the necessary materials before an outing. But as the school year progresses, encourage your child to be more independent. Make sure that you are encouraging her to sharpen her own pencils, tie her shoes, and place essentials items in her backpack.

In addition, insist that your child use more advanced social skills: making eye contact when speaking to an adult, telling a waiter what he prefers to eat at a restaurant, and complimenting others. It may be helpful to practice these skills via role plays in order to increase your child’s competence. The more independence your child displays with regard to daily life skills and age-appropriate social skills, the more comfortable he/she is going to feel in the school environment.

I’d love to hear from parents out there whose family is experiencing the excitement of enrolling a child in kindergarten. I realize that many readers are from different parts of the world—some may be mid-way through the school year, while others are easing their way into a new school year. What tips can you share?

Tara E. Nusz , D.Ed., is a school psychologist who works in a public school outside of Charlotte, NC. She also blogs at Do These Kids Make Me Look Crazy?. Although Tara has to be very serious-minded at work, her blog completely disregards this in favor of “finding the funny” in her roles as mother, wife, and friend.

Is it Time You Took an Information Diet?

March 14, 2011 by

This post is by Christy Smith of ThinkBlot Communications.

It was just after Thanksgiving that I realized things had gotten out of hand. It started so innocently. An ebook here, a mini-course there, a free whitepaper—I didn’t even notice I had a problem until it was too late.

After downloading yet another purchase onto my computer (a zip file loaded with over 30 different info products), my eyes widened as I realized I had to scroll, scroll, and scroll some more to find the file I was looking for. My “Document” folder had grown fat and rather useless having gorged on a mountain of information products.

I needed to go on a diet.

Knowing how is half the battle

I’ve been on enough weight loss diets to know that the secret of successful dieting is made up of two parts: reducing what’s being taken in, and maximizing your energy output.

When my gluttony of info gathering began, I had the best of intentions. I was going to stuff my head full of so much knowledge and know-how that I’d become a walking encyclopedia.

Instead I was clogging up my computer memory, and since I wasn’t taking action on anything, I was none the wiser either.

My diet plan

I scurry around the internet all day. It seems like every blog you read has something free that you’ll get in exchange for your email address. And it looks like enticingly good stuff. (Those darn copywriting geniuses!)

But if I download something that I never actually read, then the information is nothing but a waste. Even worse, if I do read it but I don’t take action on any of the ideas in it, then it just languishes in my ever-expanding document file.

So I made an agreement with myself.

I would go through item in my document folder and either read the info and act on it, or delete it altogether.

Only after this exercise was complete could I start downloading products again.

Results not typical

I admit: it’s been a bit tortuous.

People are launching products and giving away amazing content all the time. My finger twitches to click that download link. My mind says “Just one more, it’ll be okay.”

But then my Stern Voice of willpower says, “No” and I force myself to navigate away from the object of my desire.

My Stern Voice is able to keep me in line these days for a few simple reasons:

  1. My document folder is getting smaller. There were things in there that I didn’t really need. I had gotten them because of the “One Day” factor. I’d be ready for this info “One Day”. I’d want to know more about that thing “One Day”. Once I made the decision to stop living for “One Day” it was easy to see clearly what I could get rid of and not miss.
  2. I am getting smarter. I’m forcing myself to work through products that promised to teach me things. When you take a break from that data gathering mode and spend some time implementing things, it’s pretty amazing to see what you can do.
  3. I’m getting excited. I forgot how much information I already had access to! It’s a little like uncovering buried treasure. There were so many things gathering dust in that folder that opening a new file is a bit like opening a Christmas present.
  4. I realize how far I’ve come. Some of the information that I downloaded six months ago is what I’d consider “entry-level” knowledge now. These are topics that I’ve since gained a lot more knowledge and experience with since then. It’s given me a new found respect and confidence in my skills and abilities.

    5. Stern Voice has also given me a healthy dose of patience. I didn’t gather all of this information overnight, and it’s going to take time to work through all of it. It wouldn’t be fair to just skim it either. I spent some well-earned money on many of them. It’s time to buckle down and be serious.

    Ultimately I realized that my information diet was one of the best things I could have done for myself. I forced myself out of the procrastination rut and into doing things that are moving me forward. As with any kind of diet, action speaks louder than words.

    Have you ever gone on an Information Diet? What did you learn?

    Christy Smith is the Founder and Chief Word Artist of ThinkBlot Communications. As a self-proclaimed Pollyanna, she is always looking on the bright side of any situation. You can find Christy on Twitter at @thinkblotcom.

Fail Better, Feel Better

March 10, 2011 by

This post is by Sean Cook of HigherEdCareerCoach.Com.

It’s easy to kick yourself when you fail. We all do it and sometimes, frankly, pity parties serve a purpose, so don’t resist the temptation to throw one for yourself every once in a while.

Just don’t over-indulge and wallow in misery for too long. There’s no use in failing if you aren’t going to learn something, get over it, get over yourself, get right with what you got wrong, and get going.

Get over it

Lick your wounds if you need to. Hide out and watch sad movies. Call a friend to whine.

Throw a wake for your failed idea. Talk about the good times. Talk about the bad. Talk about how your failure made you feel like the drunk guy with a lampshade on his head at the office Christmas party,  who had to go face everyone in January. Then…

Get over yourself

Somebody will always have it better. Somebody will always have it worse. But no one can ever do it like you do. Sure, life is hard sometimes … for each and every one of us. You’re not the only failure in the world, and most things worth doing aren’t easy. They are hard.

The hard … is what makes it great.*

Get right with what you got wrong

Once you’ve thrown the pity party and shaken off the dust of failure, it’s time to clean up the mess. Everyone knows that it’s not really a party unless something gets broken, so there should be plenty of shards and remnants lying about.

There is a great songwriter from Athens, GA (where I live these days), named Bill Mallonee, and I’ve been a big fan of his since college, when he was fronting a band called Vigilantes of Love.

In one of my favorite songs, he sings about picking up the pieces of  his “might-have beens” and “holding them up to the light.”  I love that imagery, because I imagine being bathed in the prismatic gleam of  sunlight passing through a broken shard of glass, and having a singular moment of enlightenment.

“So that’s how I broke it. Wow. But look at the pretty rainbows.” It’s not all bad. And once you’ve seen how  you broke something, you can find ways around potential failures in the future.

Get going

After all this, you should be ready to try again. You may not try the same things you did before. You may try them, but avoid the roadblocks that set you off course before. You may find new roadblocks in your way. But you’ll be better prepared for them than before. You’ll fail “better”, because once you make a habit of deconstructing failure, you’ll see it as an opportunity to learn, not to mourn.

And that should make you feel better about your efforts, your mistakes, and yourself, so that you can get back to going forward in your life and career.

When have you failed? And what helped you move past it?

*That’s a quote from “A League of Their Own.” I wish I could take credit for it!

Sean Cook is a certified Life Purpose and Career Coach from Athens, GA. Read more at HigherEdCareerCoach.Com

Winning: Life Lessons from Charlie Sheen

March 9, 2011 by

This post is by Brandon Yanofsky of brandonyanofsky.com.

Even if you’re tired of hearing about Charlie Sheen, keep reading. This article isn’t about Charlie; it’s about you.

Image by jarvic7 licensed under Creative Commons

These last few weeks, every so often I’ve found myself smiling, for seemingly no reason at all. But there is a reason. I’m thinking to myself:

Winning!

I think it’s so inspiring that no matter how bad things are looking for Charlie, he captures his optimism in this one-word mantra.

Don’t get me wrong: I think he’s delusional beyond belief. His addiction with drugs and women is completely wrong, and he certainly needs help. But the rest of us, who don’t face these addictions, can use his mantra to better our own lives and increase our happiness.

Let’s face it: things don’t come easily. Nothing is handed to us. Whenever we have a goal or destination in mind, obstacles will always get in the way.

I know exactly what I want and remind myself every day what I want in life. And every day, I must overcome some new challenge. Some are easy, some are hard. But one thought helps me get through:

Winning!

When presented with obstacles, you are either winning or losing. Either you are defeating the obstacles, or they are defeating you.

And it is you who decides which it is.

Psychologists have long discussed how our thoughts affect our success. When we think positively, we succeed more often. When we think negatively, we fail more often. Think about it. People who accomplish great things in life don’t become positive after accomplishing something; they accomplished it because they were positive.

So choose: are you winning, or are you losing? You are either one or the other, not a little of both.

The losers are the ones who tell themselves they are losing. The winners are the ones who tell themselves (can you guess it):

Winning!

Which are you?

If you’d like to read more by Brandon Yanofsky, you can check out his blogs on Salon Marketing, and his personal blog about living a less stressful life.

Why the Golden Rule Isn’t Enough

March 7, 2011 by

This guest post is by Ali Luke of Aliventures.

You’ve probably come across the Golden Rule before (even if you’ve not heard it called that). It’s often written as:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It’s found in Christianity, but also in many other religions and ethical systems. Most of us would agree that it’s a good rule to live by. You should treat other people in the same way that you’d want them to treat you.

The problem is, it’s not enough.

We’re not all the same

What you like is probably a bit different to what I like.

There are some things we can agree on (I hope!) We could say that:

  • Neither of us like being hurt, mocked or made fun of.
  • We both like people to treat us kindly and compassionately when we’re upset.
  • We both want to be dealt with fairly.

…and so on. The Golden Rule works just fine for all of these.

But problems arise when we don’t agree. For instance:

  • Maybe you love it when friends drop round unexpectedly, but I prefer to be forewarned!
  • Maybe you couldn’t care less about receiving flowers, but I love them.
  • Maybe you enjoy beer, but I can’t stand it.

In these situations, while I might appreciate your intentions, I’d probably rather you didn’t treat me in the way you’d like to be treated.

I’d much rather you treated me how I like to be treated.

Because we live inside our own heads, we often assume that other people think the same and feel the same as we do. Pace and Kyeli from The Connection Revolution do a great job of describing this in their book, The Usual Error, explaining:

We assume that others’ boundaries are the same as ours. We assume that others’ communication styles and personality types are the same as ours. … We assume that others’ bodies have the same physical limitations and thresholds as ours. We assume all kinds of things about other people all the time.

—from Chapter 1 of The Usual Error

It’s not bad that we think this way. It’s just something to be aware of, particularly if you’re struggling in your relationships with other people. Perhaps, instead of treating them just how you would like to be treated, you might need to ask what they would like.

How to figure out what other people want

So how do you know how someone wants to be treated? You could simply ask them, though not everyone is good at putting into words what they want and need.

You could also:

  • Look at how they behave towards you. Generally, they’re probably acting in the same sort of way that they’d want you to act towards them.
  • Pay attention to what they respond well to. Perhaps your friend Joe is really touched when you give him a present, for instance, but your friend Sue isn’t bothered about gifts and instead really values you spending time with her.
  • Notice the times when you get it wrong. Maybe your sister reacts badly when you drop round unexpectedly, or your dad seems annoyed when you correct a grammatical mistake in his email. You might want people do to these things for you, but that doesn’t mean that everyone else feels the same way.

When has the Golden Rule let you down—and what could you do differently next time?

Ali Luke blogs about writing and the writing life over at Aliventures – you can grab the RSS feed here.

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