Why I Love … Massage Therapy

April 18, 2011 by

When was the last time you received an entire hour of focused unconditional positive regard? Errrmmm … maybe a year ago? Maybe never?

Massage therapy isn’t just just about feeling good. In addition to improving circulation, relieving stress and pain, naturally increasing levels of dopamine and serotonin and a host of other frequently quoted benefits, the most
satisfying part of massage therapy is the skilled, concentrated attention.

I liked massage therapy so much that I went back to school to study it. I wanted the opportunity to make other people feel as good and as cared for as possible. If you’re a therapist your job is to treat the needy. Not always “needy” in terms of money, but needy in terms of “they are sooooooo needy.”

Not everyone who needs attention is “needy.” What’s the difference?

massage

Image is author's own

Any type of therapy job will attract those who need attention. However, to actively seek attention in the Western world is culturally constructed as a feminine activity. In fact, it’s seen as admirable not to want attention—to be stoic—the “logic” being that if you were worth something, you wouldn’t have to ask for attention because people would just naturally give it to you. So then we have these terms to describe people who go looking for it: Attention Whore, Needy, Drama Queen, Emotional Vampire, or, as Freud would have it, Goldfish.

Who we are in society can affect how this goes for us as well: very poor people are conditioned not to expect too much attention, or if they get it, it may be negative. The most “needy” are the middle-ish classes, striving for upward mobility: then it’s good to get noticed. Men are less likely to seek help or verbally express “needs”, as doing so could make them appear less powerful. Think about the term “Mama’s Boy”: a man who wants and enjoys attention and affection. It’s not exactly a compliment.

Our culture tends to be pretty clear about when it’s okay to seek attention and when it’s not. But are there really differences in who needs attention?

Who “deserves” attention … and who doesn’t?

The people at the top of the heap, who are the most powerful and control the most resources, also tend to receive the most grooming. This group usually consists of very wealthy white men, and no one ever calls them needy.

The people who massage therapists most often see in the office are the ones who perform the most social grooming in their day to day lives. These are the people who ‘pay’ the most attention- the wives, mothers, and daughters of more culturally powerful ‘others’. Doubt it? Take a look at The Onion’s satire piece from a few years ago, entitled “Mom Hogging Family Therapy Session”. Strike a chord? Did you laugh? If you did, you recognized the underlying current that makes attention a palpable need for a large segment of society.

Of course, it’s not just women who need attention, but they are the ones who are more likely to seek help. When people receive zero social grooming or experience repeated rejection, they tend to behave quite badly. Or, they accept the situation, ignore their feelings about it, and get sick. And then you’ll definitely see them on your table. Everyone needs attention, period. In fact, a new study shows that feelings of social rejection cause the same feelings of “hurt” as physical pain.

That puts kind of a new spin on “attention-seeking,” no?

Massage can help

The beauty of massage therapy is its ability to connect directly with people without requiring them to put into words how they feel. It’s like it ‘magically’ makes you feel better, establishing a physical connection between you and another person without the work of using conversation to try to find common ground. It’s perfect for people who have a hard time verbalizing how they feel.

However, a few words of caution:

  1. There is such a thing as a bad massage:
    What makes for a bad massage experience? A tired, unfocused therapist is not good, nor is one who is lacking in social skills or training and understanding. Increase your chances of a good experience by trying to find a skilled practitioner (not just trained in a bunch of fancy modalities), who is perceptive, knowledgeable, and able to focus for long periods of time.
  2. You may have a breakdown on the table:
    In the long run this isn’t so bad. It sounds bad, but it’s actually good. That may surprise you, but it’s true. It’s common for people to cry on the table or laugh hysterically when muscle memories are triggered. Depression, eating disorders, body image issues, rape, and trauma—all those stored memories may come rushing back and you may need to find another level of support if that happens to you. The key thing to remember is that being flooded by intense feelings while on the table does not mean that something is going wrong. Starting to experience buried emotions is a part of the process of letting them go.

On a final note, compassionate touch promotes trust. “Being physically touched, whether with a kneading massage or a comforting pat on the shoulder, seems to encourage cooperative behavior,” says author Dan Ariely. Touch is such a basic comfort to us and we tend to seriously underestimate its power to heal and to make us feel connected to other people—an essential part of being human.

The best part of massage is the psycho-social benefit of being well-cared for. So if, like me, you’ve been called needy and if you have, er … issues, get a massage. It may deepen your awareness and just plain help you “feelgooder.”

Have you experienced the benefits of massage? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments.

Leigh Stevens is a certified massage therapist, artist, humorist and co-founder of whereapy.

8 Reasons—and Ways—to Cook With Kids

April 14, 2011 by

This post is by Alexis Bonari of College Scholarships.

From what my dad says, getting me to help in the kitchen was like pulling teeth.

Although the film Ratatouille inspired me during college to try my hand at French and Italian cooking—and now can’t keep me from the kitchen—the first few lessons there were the hardest. I’d never learned them in a family environment! Teaching children early on the rewards of helping out in the kitchen will not only prepare them for the future, it will create fond memories of the past.

Eight reasons to cook with kids

Here are eight reasons to cook with kids—and a few ways to make it work.

1. It’s fun

Generally speaking, younger children want nothing more than to be with their parents. Take advantage of this glued-to-your-side phase and show them that helping in the kitchen can be both fun and rewarding. This way, when they’re older and they can take a more active role in helping around the kitchen and the house, they’ll be happier to do it.

2. Clean hands

Teach children the importance of hygiene early in life (as early as age two). To this end, try buying or making natural, vegetable-based soaps in the shapes of animals to make the activity fun. Also, consider buying nice ribbons or elastics to encourage children to tie their hair back in the kitchen; alternatively, spend some parent-child time together by braiding each other’s hair.

3. Math skills

Teach children simple math by using measuring tools or even counting the number of ingredients that go in a bowl. For older children, fractions and conversions (i.e. two half cups equal one whole cup) will come in handy in math class.

4. Green habits

It’s the perfect opportunity to teach children about the importance of organic eating and why pesticides can harm both them and the environment. If given this knowledge early on, children will be more likely to take better care of their bodies during school lunches, after school, and even during college when you can’t be around 24 hours a day.

5. Say “no” to stereotypes

Go ahead and invite both your son and your daughter into the kitchen. Kick those gender stereotypes under the refrigerator and teach your kids that, no matter their sex, they’re both going to have to cook for themselves when they leave the house for college.

6. Responsibility

Teach children accountability from an early age by asking them to clean up after themselves, put dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and put away clean dishes into the cabinets—whether or not you’re around when the mess is made. Reward them with a fun activity when they clean up without being asked. This way, they’ll clean up after their rowdy high school parties when you parents go away for the weekend…

7. Multi-tasking

Yes, Johnny and Jane take twice as long to set the table and stir the bowls as you do, but consider this: you’re helping them learn lifelong lessons in a matter of minutes. Of course, this heart-warming logic doesn’t compute every evening, so try this: delegate jobs to children they can perform while you’re doing something else. In example, they can still set the table, but have them do it while you’re chopping vegetables instead of waiting until dinner’s out of the oven.

8. Self-esteem

Lavishing children with praise is only going to do so much for their self-esteem if they don’t get their hands dirty every once in a while. Standing side-by-side with a parent in the kitchen, contributing to a family dinner, or making a PB&J all by themselves are great ego-boosts.

8 Ways to Cook with Kids

  1. Give each child a different task each time so no one is stuck with a task he or she doesn’t enjoy.
  2. Reward children for helpful behavior with activities rather than food (which can later develop into eating disorders in some cases). Go see a movie together, read in bed, spend extra time at the park, or visit the ferrets at Petco on the way home from school.
  3. Even though some children may be too young to handle a knife, try giving them a plastic or metal butter knife with which to cut up strawberries, bananas, cheese, and other soft foods.
  4. A child as young as two can spread marinara sauce on pizza dough.
  5. Have children arrange vegetables on mini-pizzas to make faces.
  6. There’s something oddly therapeutic about peeling potatoes. Leave this job for an older child who’s been taught to use a peeler safely.
  7. The same goes for watching a bowl of inconsistent, eggy mush turn into a smooth paste. Let younger children (around four or five years old) use a spoon and older ones (pre-teens) use hand-mixers.
  8. Instruct children to wash or scrub produce before using them in a dish. This is the perfect opportunity to talk about germs, pesticides, and the importance of organic food for human as well as the planet’s health.

Do you get your kids into the kitchen? I’d love to hear your tips below.

Alexis Bonari is currently a resident blogger at College Scholarships, where recently she’s been researching the best college application essay tips as well as looking at various college grants by degree. Whenever she gets some free time, she enjoys doing yoga, cooking for fun, and practicing the art of coupon clipping.

How I Lost 30 Pounds Through Yoga

April 13, 2011 by

This post is by Claudia Azula Altucher of Claudiayoga.com.

Early in 2008 I set off for a trip to India. When I returned I was 30 pounds lighter and the weight never came back.

A friend who knew me “before” and “after” asked me how this happened, and as I tried to recall, I realized that it was not just because of the yoga, or the trip, or the food, or because I starved myself, and certainly not because I was mean or deprecating to myself in an attempt to discipline my food choices.

None of that had anything to do with it.

Releasing weight can be a drama or not; it can be hard or not; it depends on so many factors that I do not believe one single method can ever work for everyone, but these steps worked for me.

1. Love yourself

There’s no way around it: no matter who says that there is an epidemic of whatever, or that I, or you, may need a diet or blah, blah, blah, it’s all nonsense if we don’t start at the beginning.

Loving and respecting myself enough to sit down and look at what was important in life was the very first step in losing weight.

In yoga this has to do with stopping the leaks where our energy is being wasted. Self-hate (possibly just as much as gossip) is the biggest energy drainer for all of us.

It may sound silly, but I followed that exercise of looking at myself in the mirror and saying “I love you” to my own image. At first it felt silly. You know why? Because I didn’t believe it. But a few weeks into it I did start to believe that I was worthy of my own respect, and it helped me get grounded in acting as if I loved myself. Eventually, I fully believed in it.

2. Daily yoga-asana practice

I find that the release of the weight for me had to do with a “momentum” rather than a “get thin quick” mentality. By the time I took my trip to India, I had been practicing daily yoga-asana for a year (six times a week, one and a half hours each day), and it had taken me three years to build up to such a strong and committed practice.

When it comes to releasing weight, I find that it does not so much matter what kind of yoga one practices, but that one does. The simple act of getting on the mat every day sends the body the message that one cares.

3. Verbal messages

I find that people dismiss this quickly, so much so that I began to suspect it is a very well-kept secret.

When somebody wants to manifest something positive, keeping the vocabulary clean (no curse words, no negativity), is key. It surprises me to no end to see, even in yoga circles, a tremendous denial of the power of the word. There is a reason why I call it “weight release” (except perhaps in the title of this post), and that is because phrasing it that way is more powerful, since when we “lose” something, we usually try to find it again.

4. Cleansings

Weight release can also be thought of as “cleansing”. What is necessary is to take a look at what is coming into our bodies, and how fast it is coming out. If we are not going to the bathroom daily, there’s a problem.

5. Drink water

When you’re hungry, drink water first. A yoga teacher once told me that. Most of us get the signal of hunger when in reality we are not sensitive enough to notice that it is thirst speaking. I know I confuse them.

6. Cook

While in India I felt a little scared about eating in restaurants because the quality of the water is very dangerous for westerners so, for example, eating salads (or anything raw) outside of the house was not an option.

This forced me to start cooking, and I prepared lots of stews and soups with boiled vegetables and olive oil which I served with brown rice. I also learned how to make lentil dal, and kicheri—nutritious and easy meals that are tasty and nutritious.

7. Vacation

Take that overdue vacation, and make it a real one—regardless of how long it is. Taking time for ourselves seems impossible, but it is not. When a body is overweighted, it’s out of balance. When a body is out of balance it needs time for itself, to heal, to have an opportunity to assess what exactly is happening and what can be done to help it.

As long as the time we give to ourselves is dedicated, focused time, it is useful. Otherwise we are not nurturing our soul, and an un-nurtured soul produces an unbalance that usually manifests in us reaching for the ice cream.

I have noticed that people who say that there is absolutely no way they can take time for themselves are actually saying that their priorities do not involve taking time off. Their focus is not on their own wellbeing, but rather on other things.

8. Trust your instincts

Train yourself to trust your own instincts. Before every meal ask: “What is the most nutritious thing I can eat right now”? Trust the answer, and let your body have it. Remember moderation, of course, but do go ahead. It may be decadent chocolate mud pie today; it might be baby spinach salad with fresh olive oil sprinkled with raw almonds tomorrow.

Be with yourself, forget what others think, let it be your own intelligence that guides you, because it wants to.

9. Choose the middle path

Trying to eat only spinach or only drink water with lemon for days, or going completely raw overnight, or any other extreme is not only unrealistic, it is also dangerous. It’s almost guaranteed not to work because we are fighting against a very powerful force of nature: our own natural psychological tendencies. And these inclinations have been ingrained into us over a period of, well, think about your age—that long!

Change does not happen overnight, it happens one day at the time.

10. Attend a 12-step meeting

There is a cathartic effect in admitting our vulnerability to other people, as for instance when someone confesses to a group of people that he or she ate two pints of ice-cream the night before, or when someone says: “I am powerless over this”.

12-step meetings work because they are simple steps that demand enormous courage, of the type that can only be navigated with help from others who also happen to find themselves in a similar setting.

The benefit of 12 steps is that they open people up, and reconcile people with their own humanity. Through them we find that what we think is “crazy” in us is just as normal as it is in any other person. We all share a common humanity, we are all one, and I have yet to see a form of therapy that is more effective than people being brutally honest in a group, under very specific regulations for sharing, with proper boundaries and respect.

11. Practice patience

Recovering a healthy body may take time, but every day things speed up, there is a momentum that is generated by slowly adding more and more healthy habits and releasing the old ones that don’t serve us anymore.

So what if it takes six months, or a year, or three? I have seen with my own eyes fellow yogis practice for five years and then all of a sudden release an enormous amount of weight. In the end, the recovery of the original, healthy body also happens by grace; we put all the healthy and nurturing elements in place, and then surrender to divine intervention, Gita style.

12. Surrender

Our bodies are determined by our genes and ancestors. It is important to respect nature. Yoga and these principles can restore our body to our original blue-print, to what our bodies would be like if completely healthy, but they will not transform us into super models.

The real miracle in weight release happens when we shift perception, when we can accept our body as it is and treat it well, with respect, providing good nutrition for it, so that it can function at its peak—which also means “at its ideal weight.”

Have you used any of these principles to help release weight? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments.

Claudia Azula Altucher has studied yoga for over a decade and all over the world including the Ashtanga Yoga Research Institute in Mysore, India, and at Centered Yoga in Thailand. She writes daily at Claudiayoga.com.

Be Present—Starting Now!

April 11, 2011 by

This post was written by Dan Blakely of Simplicity Tree.

Do you ever feel like you’re on auto-pilot? A lot of us move through life and simply pass by the moments of joy without pausing, forgetting to unplug. Instead we look forward toward the future. Well, I suggest that the next time your son scores a run, your spouse finishes that piece of art or you see your daughter finally mastering the art of zipping her own coat that you pause for a moment… Look at the expression on their faces and memorize it. Smell the air—is it sweet or fresh? Take it all in.

Creating memories as your currency

Memorize all the salient details of that moment, because these are truly the diamonds of our lives, to be absorbed into the deepest parts of our soul. These are the moments we will look back to in times of grief, the moments we will see in our mind’s eye in times of gentle reflection. These are the memories we will most fondly recall at the end of our days. These are the currency of our souls!

Many people spend much of their lives chasing money or trying to keep up with the fabled Joneses. Do we really need the excessive amounts of money and things that Americans pursue daily? I think you know my answer. Instead, why not spend our time chasing these precious, fleeting moments or arranging our lives so that we create these simple memories with our loved ones as frequently as possible?

This may mean different things—it could be changing careers, reevaluating what is important, or simply eliminating that nasty habit of multi-tasking. Strive for this on a daily basis, and you will be personally richer.

The only investment is you

The simple beauty of this approach is that these memories come at virtually no cost other than the investment of our time, attention to the moment, and dedication to our loved ones. I would argue we owe this to our loved ones anyway. We owe it to them to live in the moment—and we owe it to ourselves to be fully present and absorb the warm richness of these experiences. We deserve these memories. We deserve to live without regrets.

We all have the capacity to achieve this mindset—we just need the right motivation and determination to turn it into reality. However, that motivation and determination are very personal to each of us and they are necessary ingredients for change. You may not have one or both of these ingredients today but as you continue to explore, you will find a time when they do—and you will finally make a breakthrough. The point is that you have to mentally be ready to make this change, and have a reason to persevere.

Tips to get in the moment

I am confident that each of us can do more to be present in the moment and live more. However, making changes stick takes time and patience. The good news is that here, the rewards really are unlimited. If you are having a hard time thinking about how to live more in the moment, here are a few ideas that might help you get started.

Live in the present moment and focus on details

There were times in the past when I’d arrive at work and couldn’t remember the commute, or I’d attend a school event for one of my kids and just think about when it would be over. This is mostly a thing of the past for me, but I still slip at times. When I do, I simply take a deep breath and refocus on the world and people around me.

I try hard to stay intent in the moment and these days, I notice details that a couple of years ago I would not have: the smell of a fireplace on a foggy morning, simple colors on the horizon on a crisp spring morning, or my daughter’s beautiful smile as she talks to her friends after school.

Be emotionally available to others

My wife often tells me that I have to take the time to take care of myself in order for me to take care of others. (She’s smart! I knew I married her for good reason!) Point is that I often get into ruts of not taking the time to recharge my own energy levels. Over a period of time, that can drain my energy and make me negative and impatient.

I now take time to rejuvenate my mind and body so that I can be available for others.

Foster relationships based on love, compassion, and openness

Closely tied to the idea of being emotionally available is our approach to the people around us. For me, this really boils down to being positive, patient, and thoughtful about the circumstances that others may unfortunately find themselves in. It means holding back judgment of others and trying to grasp a better understanding of their particular situation or point of view.

I try to avoid the haters and trolls, as those types of people just pull me into a place that I do not want to be.

Approach life from a perspective of abundance

Being raised in a competitive environment, I operated for much of my life from the belief that everything in life was a competition. You were either a winner or loser, a have or a have-not. Although true with sports to some degree, it does not have to be that way in life.

In the past I would have thought there was only one promotion and I had to “win” it, but now I look at the world differently. That promotion is just one of numerous choices and if I do not get it, there will be other opportunities.

Have a singular focus to absorb the beauty of these fleeting moments

I now avoid multi-tasking and stay in tune with what I am doing. This singular focus has been key for me—I am more efficient and more productive, and I output higher quality results. In the past, I had been known to have my Blackberry in one had responding to an email while having a conversation with my wife. Not any more. Now I work hard to do and focus on one thing at a time.

These are just ideas though—it’s what works for me. This is a home-cooking recipe so mix it up to meet your needs and your personality.

The art of being present needs to be mastered by you based on your personal situation. However, the most important ingredient that must always be there is you must focus on being present in the moment. Not on your cell, not on your laptop, not watching TV—you need to be engaged with the humans around you.

Are you present in your life?

This article was written by Dan Blakely. Dan is the author of Simplicity Tree—a simple living blog focused on living in a simple, thoughtful and sustainable way. You can follow Dan on Twitter at @SimplicityTree.

The Business of Life: Get Things Done

April 7, 2011 by

This post is by Brandon Yanofsky of brandonyanofsky.com.

Life gets so overwhelming sometimes. It feels like we have so much stuff to do, and not enough time to do it. Important things in our lives get put on the backburner, and we never end up doing them. It could be something as simple as cleaning out your garage or as big as quitting your job and starting a business.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m horrible at accomplishing personal goals. My room has been dirty for a couple of months. But I accomplish my business goals quickly and frequently.

So I asked myself, “What do I do differently in my business life than I do in my personal life?”

Niching down

Let me tell you a little story so you fully understand what “niching down” is, and how I did it.

A few months ago, I decided my next business would be providing Internet marketing services. If you are familiar with the Internet marketing industry, it seems like everyone and his mother is becoming an Internet marketer. I realized I could never accomplish my goal of becoming a successful Internet marketer if I approached the task by trying to be better than everyone else; it’s just too saturated.

So I niched down. I decided to target a specific market and become the best at that market. My market: salons near Los Angeles, CA. I told myself I’d become the best providing Internet marketing for salon near Los Angeles, CA. That seemed easy enough to accomplish. Once I achieved that goal, I could go after another niche market, and then another, and one day, become one of the best Internet marketers.

It’s been working quite well. I started up thesalonmarketer.com to provide these services. Only a few months ago did becoming a successful Internet marketer seem impossible. Now it seems very, very possible.

But the point of this story isn’t about my business—it’s about life.

Niche down your life

In life, we set huge goals for ourselves. Your goal to clean your entire garage is like my goal to become a great Internet marketer: it seems insurmountable.

Instead, let’s niche down. Just like I decided to take on one specific market, take on one specific task that will get you closer to cleaning your garage. That might be cleaning only one shelf. Once you accomplish that, you can clean the next shelf. And maybe throw away the junk in one corner.

By niching our seemingly impossible goals into easy-to-do, small tasks, things will get done.

What will you do?

What have you been wanting to do in your life?

Now’s the time. Break it down, conquer one niche at a time, and your goal will become real. Tell us how you’ll do it in the comments.

If you’d like to read more articles by Brandon Yanofsky, you can read his blog about stress relief.

Don’t React: Respond

April 6, 2011 by

This post is by Bernice Wood of Living the Balanced Life.

When you come up against negative things in life, what do you do? Most of us react. We do the first thing that comes to mind. It’s probably not the right thing. We may also feel rising negative emotions that can get the best of us.

On the other hand, if we are a little more secure, with a degree of emotional intelligence, we will probably respond instead of react.

“What’s the difference?” you may ask.

According to Dictionary.com:

  • to react: to act in an opposing or contrary manner
  • to respond: to react favorably

Let’s look at a common way these words—respond and react—are used.

Image by taiyofj, licensed under Creative Commons

When you take an antibiotic for an illness, you are hoping for your body to respond to the medicine: to act accordingly, to have a positive effect on your body, to create change for the good.

If, however, your body reacts, or has a reaction (sometimes known as an allergic reaction) to the medicine, it is rebelling against it. It doesn’t want it, it is rejecting it, and acting harshly because of it.

Now, obviously, we can’t control whether our bodies respond or react to medication. We would all hope for response rather than reaction.

However, we can have control over whether we respond or react to the negative things that come our way.

5 Ways to respond instead of react

  1. Take a deep breath and tell yourself this is not a personal attack.
  2. Realize that what has happened has already happened, and you cannot change that fact. All you can do is move forward from this point.
  3. Decide what your next steps or words will be in this situation.
  4. See if there is anything you need to do differently to avoid this in the future, or is there something you need to learn from this experience?
  5. Release the occurrence to God, the universe, or whomever you need to, and move on.

Understanding this process has been very helpful to me as I work to overcome a mental meltdown last year and lingering anxiety. One short sentence has helped me very much:

Whatever is, is.

What helps you to respond, rather than react?

Bernice Wood is Mom to 4 young adults and Nana to 7 grandchildren. She began blogging to journal her personal struggles and life changes, and she recently launched Living the Balanced Life to help others avoid the pitfalls of stress and burnout and learn to live a more healthy life.

Why I Love … Tea

April 4, 2011 by

This post is by Dr. Peter J. Meyers of 30GO30.

It’s funny how even a small passion can change the course of your life. I know, tea isn’t exactly bullfighting or climbing K2, but discovering a love for tea has led me on more adventures than any expedition could. Here are a few ways that igniting even the smallest passion can have an amazing impact.

I discovered variety

Growing up in Illinois farm country, tea meant Lipton in a bag, probably buried in the back of the cupboard. Even coffee only came in two varieties: regular and Methodist decaf (regular with an orange lid, just in case someone asked for decaf). Hot drinks were a purely utilitarian exercise, designed to keep you awake in the morning and warm in the winter.

Image is author's own

Imagine my surprise when I learned that tea didn’t always come in bags or Lipton boxes, and it could be green, white, red, or dozens of shades in between. A quick count on online tea retailer Adagio.com shows 130 varieties, and that doesn’t include herbals or blends (for you purists). We all need a little variety to keep life interesting.

I left the path

Variety doesn’t just find you—you have to go looking for it. My love for tea got me to wander Chinatown and leave the beaten path of dim-sum restaurants and bubble-tea stands. I’ve never fought any Triad bosses, but the herbalists and tea shops have their own intrigue. One of my favorite tea memories is buying $130/lb. rose-petal tea out of an engraved metal drum in the back of the store. Maybe it was just $20/lb. tea with more showmanship (I’m not sure I would’ve known back then), but isn’t showmanship half the fun?

I sought rarity

Image is author's own

It’s fantastic to have instant access to so much online. We can buy spices and fine silks in ten minutes—with overnight shipping—that nations once warred over. Still, it sometimes takes the fun out of shopping. We’ve lost touch with the rare and exceptional when everything is just a click away. Being passionate about something makes you a connoisseur. That doesn’t mean you have to be a snob, but you start to appreciate rarity again. It’s exciting to have to work to find something truly unique.

I found adventure

When my wife and I traveled to Taiwan a couple of years ago, she asked me what I wanted to do there, and I had two requests: see a baseball game and go to a tea plantation. We ended up finding a homestay in the mountains connected to a tea plantation (pictured above). The mountains were gorgeous, but it turned out that the homestay owner was also an incredible tour guide. We discovered all sorts of hidden local treasures, including sunrise over Alishan mountain.

Without that bit of culinary passion to drive me, we would’ve missed out on a real adventure. Of course, I also had to bring back some tea.

Dr. Peter J. Meyers (“Dr. Pete”) is a cognitive psychologist, accidental entrepreneur, and aspiring non-procrastinator. He recently founded 30GO30, a site dedicated to finding out exactly how much you can accomplish in 30 days.

The Giving Game: Embracing Social Change by Giving

March 31, 2011 by

This post is by Jacqueline Way of 365give.

As an at home mom and entrepreneur, I fell into the predictable lifestyle of family, work, grocery shopping, and cleaning, 24/7, and on call like a doctor. My world was becoming routine, my focus was narrowing, and I started to forget that there was a whole wide world out there.

Having a dedicated focus is a good thing, and thank goodness mine was healthy, but I was starting to feel that it was time to spread my wings. I wanted to feel a part of the global community and nurture a part of my spirit that had gone dormant—a spirit that my son could learn and benefit from.

I spent the next year or two experimenting and trying new things that would open up my world and enrich not only my life, but the life of my family, my clients, and others. My goal was to find one thing, something, that I could focus on which would re-ignite my flame—put that oomph in my step and add a little something to my routine. I defined the criteria that were important to me: effecting social change, participating in a larger community, exercising important personal values, and expanding my world without taking away from my family. A tall order, yes, but I have never been one to shy away from a challenge.

Experimenting with social change

I defined my personal areas of effectiveness, my challenges for reaching out to global communities (no time to travel and little computer skills), and where the need may be the greatest. I experimented with many different activities, thoughts, and ideas until my husband pointed out the obvious: I naturally was giving to my community, to my family, and global communities through my daily actions.

It was my “Ah ha!” moment. I am a giver, and I give every day, but I didn’t think that this natural reaction was that big idea, the social changer, the mountain mover.

Well, it is. All I had to do was formalize it and build intention.

Embracing giving

My journey made me realize that if my soulful needs were already being fulfilled and I was blind to it, then many others could be in the same position. My actions were important but the communication of the journey, discovery, and simplicity of this adventure seemed critical and the key to the success of giving. Embracing the concept of giving, consciously, gave me my mission: “To unleash the spirit of giving in others to change the world one day at a time.”

Taking a concept, and turning it into a social change mission has been a welcomed addition to who I am, what I do, and how I participate in my local and global community. My world opened up to me in a way that was positive, fulfilling and energizing. And it has grown into a ritual for my family, my clients and my friends. I KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) every day and see the wonderful effects of this movement more and more each day.

Each day we play the Giving Game (with a three-and-a-half-year-old, games work) and I find lots of places and people to give to on a daily basis. I write about the experiences daily on a new blog (big leap) and share my information through social media (even bigger leap). I have gone from being computer-timid to being a computer warrior. And now other people are learning how it feels to give each and every day in creative, fun and impacting ways.

How to play the Giving Game

Reach out to friends and family

Some of the greatest gifts can be to friends and family members who find it difficult to reach out. Make them a meal, take their kids for a play date, lend an ear, or do something to make their life a lot easier. Everyone has their struggles and giving does begin at home.

Look for a need in your neighborhood

Clean up your park, help out a single mom or dad, clean your clutter and donate it to those who could use it, or donate books to the local library.

Give to strangers

Pay for someone’s coffee, help someone who is lost with directions, smile at everyone you see, say good morning to people on the street, say thank you, and give compliments.

Donate to charity

Just $5 or $10 dollars can go a long way when you’re helping others. There are thousands of organizations that help others and rely on public donations to continue their work. Pick a charity a week, and send off your donation to effect change.

Volunteer

Volunteering is not a new concept and can be done on an ad hoc basis or with a longer intention. There are many online volunteer databases that highlight one-time or ongoing volunteer opportunities through out the world. Start Googling—you’ll be surprised by the possibilities.

Participate in social giving

More and more organizations are finding quick ways for people to build momentum in social effectiveness through the click of a mouse. It’s a great way to feel a part of the community without taking time or money out of your day.

Giving is easy, but a forgotten quality that’s now enjoying a rebirth through communities. Giving with intention can build relationships, deeply affect others and change the world. What would happen if everyone conducted one give each and everyday? I am hoping to find out.

How do you give to others? And how does it make you feel? Share your stories in the comments.

Jacqueline Way is a mom, entrepreneur and author of an online diary, 365give, her giving platform to change the world, one person at a time, one day at a time.  This vehicle for giving has enabled her to put a focus, intention and purpose to her giving while inspiring her family to do the same.  It maintains her belief that ‘giving is good’ and will positively affect people, places and things when you give every day in creative and positive ways.

Overcoming Status Anxiety

March 30, 2011 by

This post is by Leigh Stevens of whereapy.

Image by Jamie Windon for whereapy, used with permission

It is not wealth one asks for, but just enough to preserve one’s dignity, to work unhampered, to be generous, frank and independent.

—W. Somerset Maugham, Of Human Bondage, 1915

Status anxiety is the fear of being thought of as less than, based on where you come from. It’s the fear that being or having been financially poor makes you less of a person in other people’s eyes, or even in your own.

It’s sort of strange that many of us live in countries where the majority of people are not abundantly wealthy and prestigious, yet there’s still some feeling of shame associated with having less. As though it’s about something more than money—like we’ve confused “it’s better to have money” with “people who have money are better.”

As much as it pains me to admit it, I still have a significant amount of status anxiety. I was born into poverty, and while I don’t live there any more, it’s hard to reconcile the feelings I have about my background with the world I live in now. The degree of social and economic risk involved in trying to feel like and be seen as an acceptable human being is simply astounding.

The American Dream is a beautiful idea, but if you’ve been poor, you know that there’s not much romantic about it, and that while it’s difficult to make changes to your economic situation, stepping into another social class can feel far more complicated and difficult. The fear of being judged or “found out” can really get in the way of living a life of abundance, in the truest sense. In the spirit of overcoming status anxiety, here are a few simple tips that I think can help you get out from under that fear.

Reframe the game with greater purpose in mind

If everyone you knew was jumping off of the Golden Gate Bridge, would you? Sadly, like the rest of us, you probably would. We’re all social conformists, and the pressure to do and see things the way we’re told to is massive.

To move beyond poverty and start feeling good about yourself, you need to stop playing by the rules, and stop conforming by measuring yourself by someone else’s standards. Stop thinking that if you had more money, you would be happier, or a better person.

Remember, life is not a chess game, a pyramid, a race, a ladder or any other oversimplified mental model used to describe it. You can be a rebel and define it by what’s important to you, instead. What really makes you happy? What is your purpose? Start to map out a picture of life based on your goals and core values.

Delight in being humble

If you’ve been poor and have attained a measure of success, becoming humble may be the greatest challenge of your life. I’m talking truly humble. Not the “look at me now—I was once poor and now I’m a rock-star, but I love my roots” kind of humble, but the “I could scrub toilets at McDonald’s and let people who don’t know me think less of me without it bothering me” kind of humble.

Religions of all stripes embrace the idea of humility. If you have a spiritual bent, you could call it an exercise in detachment; humility is the foundation for all mindfulness techniques. Or, even simpler: just call it kindness, to yourself and others. How you view folks who have been or are still struggling tends to be a pretty good measure of how you view your own history: how much of what’s around have you internalized? How harshly do you judge your own experience?

Practicing humility is a daily reminder to you of how wrong it is to treat others with contempt. It’s a practice. I haven’t fully achieved this yet but I’m working on it; I’m pretty sure it will lead me someplace good.

Cultivate mindfulness

Create good feelings wherever you go by seeing the inherent value in every person and offering respect based on that—not their social status. I mean every person, especially the ones who seem to be exceptions to the rule.

An effort to do this will likely require an examination of your core values. What do you believe in? What does “ethical” mean to you? What is right for you? I’m a fan of the Five Mindfulness Trainings of Buddhism, but that’s just one way of looking at it. Create a code of ethics to live by.

Create more, compare less

Typical advice for reducing status anxiety goes something like this:

“Are you frustrated the Jones’ have more than you? Then move to a lower class neighborhood where you can be at the top of the heap. Don’t bother getting out of the box or thinking outside of the box, just move to the other side of the box, where you’ll look better.”

Seriously—that’s the advice—move to a poorer neighborhood. Practical? I guess. The rent would be cheaper, and if what you want is to lord your superiority over your neighbors and continue to amass piles of consumer products without ever questioning why you still feel vaguely empty and unsatisfied, it could probably work.

Or you could drop out of the scene entirely, like Epicurus, who left the city for a rural country life. Just remember to bring your friends, because it’s unlikely that you’ll feel good all by yourself.

The research says that when we compare ourselves to people who have more than we do, we feel smaller. When we compare ourselves to those less fortunate, we feel better. Boo. What a horrible way to live. Imagine if being happy had nothing to do with how we felt we compared with other people. What would life look like then? Life doesn’t have to be a zero-sum game; you can reframe it as an experience to share with others. Use your mind and find ways to be meaningfully social.

More experiences, less stuff

The bad news is that more stuff does not make you happy. It may even make you depressed. If you’ve been fed the idea since birth that the more you have (re: the more you spend), the better you’ll feel, when it doesn’t work it’s easy to feel like there must be something wrong with you. The massive debt-load that so many of us are carrying probably won’t make you feel good either.

The good news is that being present in your life, really experiencing the things that you have, can make you feel wealthy in a way that a Range Rover never will. To enjoy experiences, do them with friends and family as frequently, consistently as you can. It actually doesn’t cost much to have a good time: play cards together, knit together, walk together, dance together, paint the house together, garden together, scrub the floor together, and you’ll feel better.

Your turn! How has status anxiety affected your life? What tips do you have for overcoming status anxiety?

Leigh Stevens is a certified massage therapist, artist, humorist and co-founder of whereapy.

What the Achuar Tribe Can Teach You About Overcoming Obstacles

March 29, 2011 by

This post is by Karol K of newInternetOrder.com.

“The who?!” says you.

The Achuar. Image by Enrique Amigo, used under Creative Commons license

The Achuar are small community or tribe of South American Indians living in the Amazon.

When I say tribe, I really mean it. The Achuar live in small villages. A typical household is shaped as a large oval, without outer walls and with a high roof made out of palm tree fronds. Their way of living is somewhat typical to other South American tribes. Women gather and take care of the household while men hunt and work in the forest.

There’s no Internet, no iPods, no electricity, and no medicines—the nearest doctor is thousands of miles away. Basically, there’s nothing we take for granted in our everyday lives.

How can a community survive with no doctors and no medicines? (Even without witch-doctors.) The community members have to figure something out on their own, and create substitutes out of what’s available around them. That means that an average man has to know which herbs and plants can be turned into medicines.

Over the generations the Achuar have gathered rather extensive knowledge about all of this. So whenever someone feels a little under the weather they just toss some herbs into a pot, mix it with other herbs, and voila—the medicine is ready. Of course, strict proportions need to be maintained, so it’s a bit more complicated than this. But what’s interesting is that they can create a medicine for many common ailments: headache, fever, food poisoning, diarrhea, and so on.

That’s not all…

As if that wasn’t unusual, the Achuar have decided to publish a book. Yes, a book. A book containing their knowledge of herbal treatment. I don’t mean just some words jotted down on a palm frond. I mean a normal book, printed on white paper, and written in Spanish (not perfect Spanish, though).

I don’t even know how they managed to do it, or where they started. I have literally no idea where I would start if I were to publish a book while living in the middle of the rainforest, and knowing almost next to nothing about how the modern world functions. Yet they did it.

So I have just one question for you…

What the heck have you done lately?!

If a small tribe living in the Amazon can publish a book, what can you accomplish? I doubt that you have bigger obstacles standing in your way. Here are a few lessons you and I can learn from the Achuars.

1. “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”

This quote’s actually from Henry Ford, not the Achuar. But fortunately it ties rather well into this post!

2. Don’t worry about what other people think about your project

Whenever somebody says something is impossible, what they really mean is: “I don’t know how to do it.” So if they don’t know, they can’t help you. Fine. Ignore them, and get an opinion from someone who can be of help. Simply become a leader yourself—stop searching for one.

3. Obstacles are not something that should keep you from trying to achieve your goals

An obstacle in business (or in life for that matter) is nothing more than just that—an obstacle. Just like an obstacle on a treadmill. You need to find a way around it and keep running forward.

4. Focus only on one nearest possible task that can be executed right now, and take action

The steps will reveal themselves once you’re on your way. When you think about it, the nearest possible task is all you need to know in order to achieve anything. After this first task is done, come up with another one, and then the next one, and so on, until you achieve your final goal. Besides, it’s rarely effective to be doing more than one thing at a time.

And now for the ultimate take-away from this post, something you might actually want to write down and keep in sight, as it’s highly motivating by itself:

The Achuars have published a book. What the heck have you done lately?!

Are you still in the mood to complain over how tough life is, and how hard it is to go out there and create something of your own? Don’t be. It could be worse—keep that in mind. Besides, transforming your life takes only five steps.

Karol K. (@carlosinho) is a 20-something year old web 2.0 entrepreneur from Poland who shares his thoughts at newInternetOrder.com. Tune in to get his Getting Things Done (GTD) tips and other personal productivity advice.

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