This post is by Parker Lee, of HowtoMingle.com.
“You will eat noodles tonight. And you love cupcakes. I don’t care what you say! You’ll eat it and love it.”
What if someone always thought and spoke for you? How would that make you feel?
What if I told you that most people do this, and you likely fall into this category? There’s an epidemic ladies and gentlemen, and it’s called being a ridiculously rude person.
There are two types of rude people in this world: the kind that loves to be one, and the kind that has absolutely no idea that they are one.
You and I have been guilty of speaking and thinking for others and, without our knowledge, people have been calling us names that would cause grandma to gasp!
Let’s be real. Deep down inside we want people to like us. Heck, we want them to love us!
So let’s be besties and make that happen, and together, we’ll have people lining up to be a part of our crew. We’ll call our gang, “Parker and friends,” no? Okay fine, we’ll work on our crew name later.
But first, I need to give you the 411 on the two most common mistakes on how most people are coined Ridiculously Rude Person. Then, I’ll give you some tips on how to be friends with anyone, any time, anywhere.
Conversational mistake #1: talking from The God Perspective
The God Perspective involves talking about facts. For example: “New York is great. It’s a big city. There are a lot of taxi cabs there.”
When you speak in the God perspective, it’s easy to start an argument, because you’re trying to define reality, which is not something we can do for anyone but ourselves.
Conversational mistake #2: talking from The You Perspective
Here’s an example: “You know, when you’re in New York, it’s really big. And when you have to get across the city you can take a cab because there are a lot there.”
If the person you’re talking to has never been to New York or any large city, they will not be able to relate to what you’re talking about. Even though they will mindlessly nod along to your story, no genuine connection will be made (the only exception to this rule of thumb is when you know the person has a history on the subject you’re discussing).
People who speak in The You Perspective assume reality for others. This is not an attractive thing to do, but many people talk this way by default.
Solution: talking from The I Perspective
I encourage you to speak from The I Perspective. Doing so makes you relatable. It’s more important to speak in a relatable way than to try and relate to everything other people say. Speaking from The I Perspective is an important part of leading an interaction with someone else. It’s sexy. And I know you wanna be sexy!
An example? “I like New York because I think the people are friendly and I enjoy the taxi cab lifestyle.”
This will be a challenge if you have been trained to speak from the other perspectives I mentioned. But in the social world, The I Perspective is king.
Why Should I?
Speaking from The I Perspective is how friends talk to each other. It’s like constantly giving your opinion. Let’s talk about speaking of our own opinions.
Speaking of your opinions using The I Perspective is very powerful, because your opinions derive from your personal experiences, which shape our values and beliefs.
If you speak from your opinion, it will allow someone else to speak from their opinion. Do not take this for granted.
In revealing to you their opinion, your conversation partner expresses their values and beliefs—their own life experiences and, on a deeper level, their triumphs and heartaches. This is real talk—an emotional connection that’s powerful, yet subtle. Use this for good, and use it well.
And last but not least: be honest. I believe in honesty. I will never lie to you, or anyone for that matter. I believe in being real, and the real secret to attracting people into your life is to be honest with yourself. People relate to honesty. People relate to others who are real, uncensored and raw.
Let down your guard, embrace who you are, and be proud of it. This is something that took me some time, after years of trying to be someone I wasn’t. Now, I can truly say that I love myself, my life, and who I have become. And from dealing with hundreds of clients, I know that it’s a rare and magical thing to say. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Parker Lee is a writer and coach who teaches people How to Become a 24/7 Attractive Person. He uses what he had learned through various self-development seminars, and his own life’s experiences to successfully coach hundreds of clients all around the world (New York, L.A, Amsterdam, Singapore, Manila to name a few) in the areas of: Conversation, Self Development, and Dating. Parker Blogs at HowtoMingle.com. You can sign up for his free, ebook, “Howtomingle101: Your guide to meeting and connecting with anyone, anytime, anywhere.”
About Guest Contributor
I get the point, but the title here does not match the article. Not even close.
The “you perspective” (in the context it’s used here) is something that actually rolls right by most people without them even thinking about perceived “rudeness.” I (and by observation, others) understand what the speaker means and can then carry on a great conversation without mentally dwelling on the negative.
I find that if I don’t ascribe rudeness quite so quickly, but rather think about what the other person is actually saying, it helps everyone involved.
I agree with you, Michael. I think most people won’t think that the person is rude.
To me, rude people are people who give off a sense of arrogance and also look to tell people that their opinion is the wrong opinion.
I agree as well and want to add that I think (see, I’m learning) ‘speaking for’ another person as described in this comment is not ‘rude’. Perhaps just a little unthoughtful, but even that depends on both the setting and the culture!
Sorry, where I said ‘in this comment’ I meant ‘in this post’.
Interesting article! I find the You Perspective is quite common and whilst it doesn’t seem rude at first, after awhile it can become quite patronising.
I think the idea of ‘honesty’ can have a slippery definition though and can be closely related to the God Perspective. People can believe they’re being honest when it’s simply their perspective which they assume is reality. For example, anyone being ‘honest’ about what happened in their relationship break up. We can all strive for honesty but it will still only be based on our personal perspective of life.
Ah – the God Perspective can be so annoying – even with trivial and subjective topics (taste in music or food). It makes me want to be rude 😀
I supposed I’m fortunate for the “I Speak” habit that I’ve learned in various self-help communities. Sometimes it feels a bit awkward, but it always keeps the lines crystal clear.
[I think] this is a beautiful article that I’m going to save and re-read. I couldn’t agree any more even though I now realize how ridiculously rude a person I’ve been, lol. Thanks man.
A very well written article!
I fortunately have the habit of taking the I perspective most of the time. There are times when the ego takes over and I start using the God perspective, both in personal interactions and on my blog. It always comes out as a ‘connection’ killer and an argument generator.
Thank you for reminding me to continue working on shedding my ego and to stop trying to define reality for others.
I love the God perspective – never heard this term before. I think that if you have the mindset to really want to engage with the person you are talking to then you naturally become yourself and talk in the I. However when people are out meeting & greeting for other reasons or don’t really want to be talking to the other person then talking in the God or You perspective becomes their natural form. I often find if I am in places where I have to mingle for reasons of business or going along with another to support them then I adopt the listening mode and ask the right questions to get another talking and I accept that I am listening and thus try to avoid being a ridiculously rude person. I think mindset is key here.
Hello to every one, the contents present at this web page are in fact awesome for people knowledge, well,
keep up the good work fellows.
I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest
but your sites really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back
in the future. Many thanks
You’ve made some really good points there. I checked
on the internet for more information about the issue and found most individuals will go along
with your views on this web site.
Article Source: a viral game app is not that much difficult.
The popular epub format is written in XHTML,
which is nothing but an advanced version of HTML. Gone are the days when
the evening, go out Night Weekend and hard rock festivals organized a
burst of freshness and energy, which allows people
to face the Blues on Monday, with confidence and determination.
Greetings! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and
starting a new project in a community in the same niche.
Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a wonderful job!
I am actually thankful to the holder of this web site who has shared this
enormous paragraph at at this time.
Pretty! This has been a really wonderful article.
Many thanks for supplying these details.
web page – Verona –
First you will have to highlight it then select cut or copy function to have the
text copied on the clipboard which can be later pasted on any web form of message.
The Lookout Mobile Security application is more than just an Android phone locator application. Below, we
wish you much fun with the first episode of the
“masterminds”.
Very great post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted
to mention that I’ve really loved browsing your weblog posts.
In any case I’ll be subscribing for your rss feed and I am hoping
you write once more very soon!